Eleven Mistakes Every Writer Makes

Summary

The article humorously outlines common writing pitfalls, such as neglecting proofreading, overusing metaphors, and employing clickbait titles, while advising writers to choose a niche, build an email list, and avoid laziness.

Abstract

The piece, titled "Eleven Mistakes Every Writer Makes," satirically suggests that writers often overlook essential tasks like editing and crafting clear titles, while also cautioning against the temptation to write without a specific focus or niche. It emphasizes the importance of developing a personal brand and connecting with other writers, despite the tendency to undervalue these practices. The author also mocks the idea of not needing to state a clear point or cite sources, and humorously points out that writing about writing can be more lucrative than creative writing itself. The article concludes by acknowledging the ease of borrowing from others' work to save time and effort.

Opinions

The author believes that the pressure to produce a high volume of work can lead to a disregard for quality and editing.
They suggest that modern readers prefer straightforward language over metaphorical complexity due to limited attention spans.
The article criticizes the use of misleading titles for attracting views, indicating a personal frustration with clickbait.
It is implied that specializing in a niche is more effective for success than being a versatile writer.
The author questions the value of building an email list, suggesting it may be unnecessary compared to focusing on content creation.
The piece reflects on the difficulty of maintaining a consistent personal brand, especially when one's identity as a writer is multifaceted.
Connecting with other writers is presented as less important than individual writing output, challenging the notion that community support is beneficial.
The author advocates for unpredictability in writing, suggesting that a clear, main point is not always necessary.
There is a sarcastic endorsement of not citing sources, implying that knowledge can be freely appropriated without proper attribution.
Creative writing is depicted as less financially rewarding than writing about writing, particularly in the form of advice lists.
The final point, borrowed from another source, humorously underscores the ease of avoiding hard work by relying on others' content.

Why stop at ten when we can crank it up to eleven

Proofreading and editing. In the world of self-publishing, forget about it. There is no one stopping you posting erroneous work all over the internet. Publications and curators approve of and promote flaw-filled stories regularly. Use your time to tap out more volume instead. Make quantity over quality your mantra.

Crafting clever metaphors. Just tell it like it is. Today’s audience doesn’t have time to follow your flowery language or use imagination. Their attention span is only 1.2 seconds. Get to the point or they’ll move on to the next clickbaity title.

Using misleading titles to get more views. This one is for real, no satire intended. Stop with the clickbait. I know it’s tempting to max out on keywords and really amp it up, but please stop yourselves. The problem with clickbait is that sometimes I click it and I really want my time back.

Not choosing a niche. Thinking you can write about everything and anything is a mistake. The best way to succeed as a writer is to put yourself in a box and stay there. Once you choose a niche, don’t branch out, don’t grow. You’re not a tree. Oops, sometimes the clever metaphors slip in.

Building an email list. Putting effort into an email list for people who are actually interested in your writing is not a wise use of your time. It’s much easier to just publish and let your audience find you. Determined readers will sort through the random junk online and find your needle-in-a-haystack. Meanwhile, you can spend that precious time obsessing over how many views your stories are getting every day.

Developing a personal brand. This may be debatable, depending on the type of writing you most enjoy. Personally, I go through online identity crises periodically. It’s tough to commit to one brand. I like to play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Is she an intelligent, experienced writer of the human experience or a sassy, sarcastic egomaniac? Both, and more!

Connecting with other writers. Why spend time talking with other writers when you could be cranking out more stories? Their advice and experiences are not likely to be valuable. Go it alone and develop your grit. Be the stereotype of the lonely, misunderstood writer. Hey, that could be your personal brand!

Stating a clear, main point. Don’t follow a predictable path. Mix things up. Take your audience on a roller coaster ride. Just when readers think they know what you’re talking about, hit them with a hairpin curve! By the end of your story, they ought to be dazed and confused. Maybe even nauseous.

Citing your sources. I know what you’ve been told. Always cite your sources. But really, who can prove what you know and where you learned it? Once the knowledge is out there, it’s out there, free for your brain to absorb. Claim it as your own and gain some respect. You’re going to need it to stay in your niche.

Creative writing. Creativity takes energy and is rarely rewarded. The real money is in writing about writing. Writers everywhere are just waiting to click on another top ten list of advice. No need to invent your own. Save time by just regurgitating parts of others. No citations necessary.

Don’t be lazy; do your best to avoid sounding stupid. This one is actually taken from someone else’s list. See how well I follow my own advice? Copying and pasting that line was so much easier than coming up with my own number eleven.

If this list of advice has been helpful, please let me know in the comments. I won’t bother to respond but it will feed my ego and keep me cranking out the clickbait. Bookmark this piece and refer to it often as you climb the ranks in the freelance writing world.

THIS MIGHT BE SATIRE

Eleven Mistakes Every Writer Makes

Why stop at ten when we can crank it up to eleven