Elevator or Stairs.

Phobias can be terrifying.

I’ve never been a big fan of elevators. My mother said it was because we were stuck in an elevator when I was around 3 years old. She said due to a power outage, not only were we stuck between floors, we were also immersed in complete darkness. According to her, every time I’ve had to get on an elevator since then; I’d get on kicking and screaming.

Thank GOD, I outgrew that, well most of it. I still find myself having to tap my finger against my nose to calm down when I’m on an elevator.

“Vern, today is going to be the best day of your life.” I tell myself. See I just got a promotion at my job. Not any promotion, a major promotion. The kind that also comes with a huge salary increase; from five figures to six.

There’s only one small issue. With the promotion, I get a new office. Now instead of working on the second floor of my building, I’m moving up to the 99th floor. So yeah, I’m just a little nervous, but I got this.

It’s almost 8am and I can’t be late to the office on the first day, so I’m running through the building heading for the elevator….the steps….the elevator. There’s no way I can walk up 98 flights of stairs. Even the thought of it is ridiculous, but ….no buts. I got this.

As soon as the doors of the elevator open, I feel a little bit of angst. There are only 3 other people on the elevator. They seem calm, cool and collected, so I try to borrow a bit of confidence from each of them.

“10th Floor” the elevator voice says. Two of the riders get off and one gets on. I say good morning in a low voice as the rider moves to the back of the elevator. No reply. I don’t care though, I just need to get to my desk and get out of this silver box.

“22nd Floor” the elevator voice says. Everyone gets off and a woman and her son, hop on.

This kid is creeping me out. He’s staring at me and shaking and screaming. I look up at his mom, whose eyes are already apologetic for his behavior. He falls on the ground and has a temper tantrum and then……. something unexpected happens. He starts to tap his nose with his finger. I break out into a cold sweat.

“24th Floor” the elevator said. The boy straightens up, looks at me, and then looks at his Mom. As the door opens and closes; I feel the lump in my throat as I see what he’s about to do.

I’m so freaked out, that it looks like what’s happening is happening in slow motion. I try to grab his hands, but kids are quick.

Tap,tap,tap,tap,tap,tap,tap,tap,tap. The kid hits as many buttons as he can. Because he hit them so quickly, all of the lights come on. Crap, this can’t be good and now I’m feeling sick. The elevator starts going down.

“23rd Floor” the elevator voice said. The doors open and close. Now the elevator is moving up again. “34th Floor” it said. This time the doors didn’t open, nor did the elevator move.

As the woman looked at me with sadness in her eyes, her son sits on the floor laughing wildly, as if he’d been told the world’s funniest joke.

Anxiety is now welling up inside of me and I feel as if I’m about to have a major panic attack. I’ve got to get out of here.

“50th Floor” the elevator voice said. The door opens slightly and then closes again. I can feel myself about to pass out, when the elevator begins moving way too fast. “55th Floor”……”60th Floor”…….”70th Floor.

I’m starting to lose consciousness. All I can hear now is the kid laughing and his mother crying.

“96th floor” says the elevator voice…..and then the elevator buttons turn red. The elevator is now dropping…….and it’s dropping fast. I’m not sure if I’m conscious or not.

Now it’s dark, no one is here but me and even in the darkness I think I see the red elevator numbers……blinking and now something is beeping….beeping…..beeping…..

My eyes fly open.

I can already smell my fear. I’ve pissed and crapped all over myself.

I look up to see the elevator buttons all off except, 99.

“99th floor” says the elevator voice. Now the doors are opening.

My boss is standing in front of it waiting to get on. He covers his mouth to keep from laughing when he sees me. As I pick myself up and I’m about to step off and run to my office, he pushes me back on.

I think he’s trying to be helpful, but I can’t. Now I’m kicking and screaming and everyone is looking. I run for the stairs.

I’ll explain tomorrow. For now I need to make it down 98 flights of stairs and get back home.

I’ll try again tomorrow…the elevator…..the stairs…..the elevator…..definitely the stairs.