Electric Blues: My Rocky Relationship with Hello Bikes
In China there is a form of transportation called a Hello Bike.
Hello Bikes are blue electric bicycles with a QR code on them. You scan the QR code on your phone using Alipay, pay 2.5rmb ($.30) and off you go.
Two wheel therapy
My first few weeks as a preschool teacher were chaos incarnate. It was a complete shock to my system. I was exhausted at the end of each day and my ride home was a Hello Bike.
The bikes move slowly at 25kph (15 mph) which was exactly what I needed to unwind from the classroom chaos. Meandering home in electric silence calmed my nerves and gave me a sense of autonomy.
Anytime my wife needed something, I gladly offered to go get it. Afterall, I could go on a Hello Bike. The Hello Bikes were one of the things that helped me regain my own sense of independence.
All I had to do was scan the QR code, listen to the friendly “Hello” and off I went.
My relationship with Hello Bikes is not all sunshine and fairytales. My faithful steed has failed me on numerous occasions.
Out of bounds
One night while my wife was pregnant we had a very close call. We rode our bikes to a restaurant a few miles away from our home. It was a high risk pregnancy and the week before Halloween her stomach started hurting really bad.
From the restaurant we took a cab to the hospital. Around midnight I left the hospital to get the bikes home and to pick up a few things.
The plan was to take a cab to where the bikes were parked, get on one, ride it home, then take a blue scooter back to the restaurant and then ride the other scooter to the hospital.
The first two legs of the journey went smoothly. My wife hailed me a cab on “Didi” and it took me directly to the bikes. I got on my bike and started the journey home. Once home I got my backpack and filled it with some essentials and left the house. Outside the apartment complex was a blue scooter. I scanned it, latched on the helmet and off I went.
I was finally able to contribute and be useful here. My main thoughts at the time were of my wife and unborn child’s health and safety but I felt a sense of independence.
Finally I could help.
I zipped along at 15kph and began to reach the outskirts of our area of the city. As I reached a bridge that crosses over one of the rivers in town everything changed.
The bike zipped up the bridge with no problem. Right as I am cresting the bridge it starts to talk to me in Mandarin. I can’t understand what it’s saying so I just ignore it and keep going.
I attempted to keep going.
A few meters later it shuts down. The wheel locks up and it comes to a complete stop in the middle of the bridge.
I scan it in an attempt to turn it back on and the screen is red and the blue area on the map was now a clearly defined area and my GPS location was right on the edge of it.
With the wheel of the bike locked up I drug it back down the bridge and began to look for a parking location. Once it was parked in an approved spot I started walking. The map said 8 miles. My phone was out of data because it was the end of the month. I was unable to call anyone for help.
I walked for an hour until a cab rode by and I hailed it. The cabbie had the most confused look on his face, wondering how a foreigner ended up out in the middle of the highway at 1 am.
I made it back to the hospital and luckily my wife and Son made it through our Halloween scare.
Kick me while I am down
The last electric mishap took place while enroute to the government medical facility for my work physical. The Subway takes you most of the way but there is a 25 minute walk from the subway to the building.
Luckily there is a large amount of Hello Bikes at the entrance to the subway.
I scanned one and took off.
The ride to the building was uneventful. I made it there, did what I needed to do and left. The blue bike I parked outside was conveniently waiting for me.
I scanned it, threw the helmet on my head and took off.
From the very beginning of my ride the bike started talking to me. I of course ignored it because I do not understand Mandarin. It talked and talked and I thought nothing of it as I zipped down the sidewalk. I get to an intersection and stop to wait for the light to change and it shuts off.
I scan it again, it charges me again, and I take back off. I am not thrilled with the idea of paying twice but the cost is negligible and I want to get back to the subway.
I approach another red light and cross the intersection to the median to await the light change.
The bike shuts off again.
I am a little frantic at this point, why did it shut off two times? This time I am stuck in the median. I can see on the map that I am within the blue area.
I am sitting there in the median trying to get this bike to work. I scan it again but it just gives me a warning and will not turn on.
Now I am mad.
I call my wife and I am ugly. I complain about the bike not working and how everything here is difficult and foreign to me. I am having a moment, breaking down emotionally from the weight of isolation and the blue bike is the straw that broke the camels back.
Right about that time the sprinkler for the flowers in the median turned on and instead of pointing at the flowers it is pointing at me. I was in the line of sight of the malfunctioning sprinkler and now a deluge of water was pouring on me and my immobile Hello Bike.
Exacerbated, I jumped off the bike, put the helmet back in the holder and walked away. I abandon the bike to its watery fait and begin my trek towards the subway. My wife calls, while I am brood walking, to tell me to turn around.
By this time she had contacted the company and they could see that I was not strapping the helmet on correctly. They also said that if I leave it in the median they will have to charge a fee.
Extra fees are unacceptable and my wife demanded that I return to the bike and get it to work.
I reluctantly returned still in the throws of my existential crisis. Strap the helmet on correctly and viola it turned on, stopped talking and I was able to ride it back to the subway entrance.
Malicious Compliance
The GPS on Hello Bikes is wonky and the parking areas on the app are never in alignment with the physical location. I’ve parked blue bikes wherever the app says it’s ok. That has been in the middle of the sidewalk, parking lots and, in rare cases, the middle of the road.
Like riding a horse
After all my trials by fire I have learned very valuable lessons on the ins and outs of using the blue scooters here in China. They are finicky steeds that require specific handling instructions that are conveniently in a language I do not speak. I need to learn Mandarin.