Elderly Volunteer Fired For Misuse of Pronouns

Lack of tolerance despite her years of service

I recently read about a 90 year old woman who was fired for not understanding the diversity of pronouns people use today.

One thing younger people may not understand — using stated pronouns such as they/them were not a thing when older people were growing up. Just because an older person slips up and uses the wrong pronound does not mean they are prejudiced or intolerant. They might just be uninformed, or forgetful. This latter becomes more common as people age.

When I was growing up, elderly people’s memory lapses and other slip-ups were tolerated. In today’s environment, however, they lead to ostracism.

That’s what happened to the 90 year old woman who was fired.

As reported by the New York Sun, Fran Itkoff had been a volunteer for the National MS Society for 60 years.

What is MS? It stands for multiple sclerosis. The disease disrupts the ability of the brain to communicate with the body. People who suffer from MS may have pain, fatigue, trouble using their limbs, and vision or speech impediments.

This is a disease I’ve had a little bit of experience with as I once worked with a lawyer who was dealing with it. While she was still mentally sharp, she needed help eating, using the bathroom, dressing herself, etc.

Ms. Itkoff started to volunteer with the MS Society when she was 30 years old, when her husband was diagnosed. She spent the rest of her life helping victims of MS.

Among other things, she started a support group in Long Beach, California, which she continues to run. According to her daughter, Elle Hamilton, the reason Itkoff started this group was that there were local people who weren’t healthy enough to travel to Los Angeles, where the MS Society is located. So Itkoff provided a place they could get to for assistance and support.

She and her husband raised money to find a cure for MS and dedicated much of their time to helping others.

President Carter gave an award to Mr. Itkoff and in 2008 Ms. Itkoff received a Volunteer Lifetime Achievement.

Despited the work she had done for the society, she was fired last year, at the age of 90.

Her crime?

She asked why people used pronouns. This was not something she was familiar with. I imagine in this regard, she is like most elderly people.

My own mother, who is in her 80s, doesn’t get it. Since I have a trans friend who uses they/them, I did explain this to my mother, but I also explained to my friend that Mom might not remember to use the right pronoun, and my friend laughed about it instead of getting upset. She likes my mom and isn’t easily offended.

Unfortunately for Ms. Itkoff, she was fired instead of being tolerated.

In addition, the MS Society deleted the link to her support group. This group simply provided another resource for those suffering from MS; it was not affiliated with the society.

“They’re hurting the patients that want to find support because they’ve removed the group from the website,” explained Hamilton.

Fortunately for those with MS in the Long Beach area who cannot get to Los Angeles, Itkoff continues to run her group.

While the firing of Itkoff has brought attention to the MS Society, it’s not been a source of positive fame for the organization. Instead of becoming famous for firing an elderly person, Itkoff and Hamilton wish the society had become famous for finding a cure.

I agree.

Do I think it’s OK to deliberately not use someone’s preferred pronouns? No. I think if you are aware of what the person’s pronouns are, you should use them.

At the same time, as someone dealing with cancer, I can honestly say that if I were someone suffering from MS, I wouldn’t care nearly as much as about pronouns as being able to live a normal life again.

I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.