Elbows Are In, Kisses Are Out

New viral free safe way of greeting and showing affection

Hi,

My name is Elbie Elbow and I just wanted to update you all on our status as elbows. We have now been reinstated as a valid means of greeting. Thanks to the coronavirus. It’s an ill wind and all that garbage. Those nasty germs and bacteria hovering around have helped us elbows to make a comeback.

This is the way to go folks. Use us elbows instead of those nasty messy kisses. They were a disaster, let’s face it. This peck on the cheek which you never knew where exactly it should be placed. No time to do a search on Google maps either.

Then there was the problem of which cheek to start with. Left one or the right one? Then how many cheeks. One? Two? Or even three? In some countries, it is even four! How ridiculous is that — have these people nothing better to do? A kiss too far….

You never knew how to purse your lips. Then, should you touch cheek to cheek or actually try and use your lips? It all depends on where you are. Each country seemingly had a different kissiquette. National airlines had an information sheet on the kissiquette of the country you were arriving in. Hadn’t you noticed?

Oh, I know you never read the rubbish in the seat pocket. I understand. It was usually melodramatic or just advice on how not to panic which was just to pretend nothing bad was happening.

And then the germs! Even if you kept your lips tightly or loosely shut, there was always a risk of contagion.

You see! With us elbows, all that danger has gone forever.

We elbows are the best germ catchers on the planet. Ask the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Public Health Association. They have all endorsed us. Even the Surgeon General is on our side.

How come we were never popular before? I mean, it is so easy and healthy to do an elbow bump. But it just never caught on. Look at all the negative expressons there were about elbows:-

• “Don’t eat with your elbows on the table,” our parents used to shout.
• “He elbowed his way through the crowd,” has rough and forceful connotations. One thinks of shoving, jostling and pushing.
• “She was suffering from tennis elbow,” would put you off tennis for life which is probably a good thing as it is such a boring sport.
• “He was out at the elbows” conjures up homeless or shabbily dressed folk and also penniless wretches.

Now you know why we have had such a bad press. Put your lips and cheeks to rest and read on how you can change your life for the better.

Use the elbow bump.

High fives and fist bumps just don’t cut it anymore and forget handshakes forever and ever, Amen!

This is what you get when you start using the elbow bump:-

· Safe virus-free environment. People are less fearful or shy when meeting you. This is such a plus.

· You get to rub elbows with seductive partners, celebrities and rich folk.

· No embarrassing moments as your elbow is always at the ready. Lift, touch, smile.

· Elbow hoodies are now available on Amazon. Wide choice of colors available.

· Get to know our cousins Una Ulna and Chubby Cubitus.

Welcome back elbow bump. Touch elbows and rejoice! Hallelujah!