Eight Things I’d Like To Teach My Kids To Help Them Navigate Life Better

There is no more challenging or important “job” than raising a human.

I was an excellent mother.

Then, I got children.

Oh, what a time!

A time to realise that our children aren’t ours.

They’re not an empty book for us to write.

They are not the fulfilment of our wishlist.

When I reflect on it, Kahil Gibran's poem comes to mind:

“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you”.

Kahlil Gibran

Bringing up good people is a marvellous task!

• Parenting is one huge, wild, exhausting journey, filled with ups and downs, extraordinary, amazing, wrenching, and frightening at the same time.
• You're touchingly loyal to your kids, and at the same time, you’re screening for independence and five minutes to pee alone.
• As a parent, you are never the same as you were before. Period. No matter how mediocre narratives try to encourage us not to have children and indulge in work instead, I still believe there is no more challenging or important “job” than raising a human.

There is no instruction for life. But I’d like to gift you one, if possible. Let me brag a bit; it’s a mum’s job.

If I had the opportunity to give instruction for a good life, I’d write something like this to my children:

We, as parents, believe we can change or moderate your personality. Your character. But I’ll tell you something. You aren’t “tabula rasa”, an empty piece of paper you can write on. You were born with a specific personality. From the moment the umbilical cord is cut and you get out of my womb, you’re not mine or your father’s.

You’re brought to this world to make it better. You’re already brilliant as you are, and our main job as parents is to love you unconditionally.

Love fearlessly!

Don’t wait until 70th birthday to realize: love is THE most important thing in our life.

Nothing is more important.

Love yourself.

Love for others.

Love for nature and plants.

Nothing bad happened in the world from excess of love; everything bad happened because the lack of love.

Don’t wait to be loved in order to love.

You can’t measure and give precisely how much was given. That’s not love.

That’s a deal.

The true happiness is not in being loved; it is in the glimpse of the best feeling ever: giving love.

Then, learn how to show your appreciation and your feelings. It’s essential. Don’t use words all the time. They can become cheap. Show your love.

But not be fearless at all times.

Only fools are not afraid of anything. Our graveyards are full of fearless people who don’t understand that we only have one life, not nine, like cats. A fool is a name for a person who has no fear.

Bravery is when you face the consequences of your decisions and can confront your fears. I’ve already written to you about how much hesitation and contemplation it took for me to decide and take a step to change my comfortable position after 12 years. Not just the company I work for but also my profession. Despite my apprehension about whether I would be good enough, that decision triggered a chain of positive events like an avalanche. Because I was afraid and because I confronted my fear.

Be curious.

I could have written, finish school, finish college... But I am unsuccessful if you only see learning as a path to a better job, a higher salary, and a more comfortable life.

Learning itself is so beautiful and wonderful that I see no reason why we shouldn’t learn throughout our lives.

Hey, life is so beautiful, and there’s so much to see, explore, and experience!

Knowledge is the only “tool” that no one can ever take away from you.

That’s why I persistently, stubbornly, and sometimes annoyingly talk about how my biggest task is not to make you hate school but to make you love learning.

When you stop learning for your mum, dad, teacher, or grades, that’s when it becomes real, and I will be very proud.

Look after your tribe.

I hope there will be many tangible and intangible values in your life, but only one is worth immense effort and hard work — people.

From the sea of those you come into contact with, you should carefully and patiently sift through the precious stones that will help you grow and become better individuals who will always be with you and by your side.

I hope you’ll be that tribe for each other. For those people, your people, it’s worth carrying the burden, forgiving injustices, and making an effort to invest in that relationship, to spend time and travel miles. Because it’s worth it.

In almost forty-six years, I’ve met so many people and had many interesting conversations, and still, nothing in the world can replace your father's embrace, and everything said with unspoken words.

My kindred spirit.

I don’t have to see my best friend in the USA for a year to know that she’s my person, the one I would go to the ends of the earth for. That’s why, even after 16 years, I have invisible threads that bind me to my beloved sister on the farthest continent. I wish you such people and cherish such people until the end of the world.

Learn to set up your goals.

You know that every morning when I wake up, I first write a to-do list for that day. What do I have to do, what do I want, what am I striving for?

• Think about it every day, verbalise it, and write it down.
• Where will you be in a day, two months, a year, or five years?
• Think about it every day, and you will get there.

When I said in the fourth grade of high school that I wanted to be a journalist, my homeroom teacher openly told me that I couldn’t.

I could. Indeed, I just needed to realise that it was my goal.

Don’t let difficult people hold you back; use their negativity to propel you forward. 👊

Now, when I want to learn from you and with you on the other side of the world, I know that I will catch our dream sooner or later.

And it’s all because of you, my dear children, as one of my biggest goals is to make people who are made of great material and never regret doing good.

Work hard towards achieving your goals.

Goals remain mere words on paper if you don’t work towards achieving them. If you don’t push forward, don’t give it your all, and don’t fight for what’s important to you. This applies to everyone, from individuals to companies to countries.

I hope that you, too, will know how to choose what is worth fighting for. And that you will go into your fight and never give up.

You know where did we start our immigration journey. Do you know how proud I am of what we have achieved and how preserved and resilient you are?

Keep that fire in your soul and use it as a light in the darkness.

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Well-known Steve Jobs’ “iPhone” philosophy. He was the first to successfully “sell” us the idea of uniqueness, not in the clichéd way that we have to be special and different at all costs, but that we can approach everything from a different perspective and look at it from a different angle.

To think differently.

To learn from the best and steal his blueprints.

To have the courage to try new things.

Think differently, and the world will be a different place for you.

Listen to your gut, not your brain or heart.

We’re your best friend. Remember, no one loves you more than Dad and me.

The only thing we can’t do for you is live your life.

So, if I had to condense all our love and devotion into one sentence, one master guide for life (and your dad agrees), it would be this:

You shouldn’t let your brain or your heart lead you through life. It should be your gut feeling.

• Too much thinking will sometimes drive you crazy (especially when big decisions await).
• The heart can make bad decisions and lead us in the wrong direction.
• But your stomach, your gut feeling, will always guide you right.

Love you boundlessly,

Mum and Dad.