Ed Sheeran “Friends” — in Order of How Pissed They Are by “Castle on the Hill” Characterization

The one [who]:

6. works down by the coast

Thanks, mate. Come by whenever you want. Though your place is probably posher than mine.

5. left to sell clothes

True. I mean, I’d say “started my own small business,” but I see how that wouldn’t rhyme with coast. Wait…

4. ’s just barely getting by

Fuck, Ed. I asked you ONCE to cover rent for my flat. Sorry to bleed you dry.

3. had two kids but lives alone

It’s the last three words I could’ve done without, ginger teabag. Couldn’t you’ve used “loves to bone” instead?

2. ’s already on his second wife

Already? The divorce rate significantly jumps when couples marry young, knob. Just so you know. And I’m quite happy now. Thank you.

1. ’s brother overdosed

Arsehole.