Early Sexual Development a Cry For Security?

Because everyone wants to be loved

As I was going through my student’s work. I noticed that one of my beloved students is still in the class. And I am always happy to see them. But something felt a little bit off. I saw the frustration in her eyes. There was a new struggle in her life.

I believe that as educators we are not just vessels of knowledge in some specific field of science. But also people who help to face our students’ life challenges. So after a little bit of time, we started to talk.

I saw a similar look before. It’s the moment when there is a really big change. There is someone who passed away or unwanted pregnancy. It’s the moment when there is such a heavy burden on the heart. And the best advice is simply to just listen. Too much frustration. There are so many questions and no answers that make any sense in such an emotional storm.

My student was talking about her partner. The good things. How caring he is and that he will support her despite everything possible. Well, that’s the right thing to do. There is so much left of children. Who wonders if the world of seeking at least little crumbs of love and promise?

In time of my career, I had many students. And I am very happy that I could get to know them with all their joys and bitters. But that was not the first time I saw an unexpected pregnancy. Let’s be real how many of us were planned? I was born holding a copper coil in my hand. So that just adds to the list. But what if there is a specific pattern or reason that is responsible for unwanted pregnancy?

I gave some of my years to study the field of psychology. There were many theories about high-stress environments and very early sexual life. We can put it like that. If you have a bad connection with your family most likely you will try to find security in your peers. It commonly results in gangs and sexually connected couples. We are humans - Social animals and we naturally crave connection. If we have a lack of love then instinct kicks in and the need is compensated by sexual partnership. The worst is when a person is not emotionally or cognitively ready for it. It can lead to many problems. Such as STDs and unwanted children or heavy psychological damage after abortion.

In my career, the most unfortunate experience was of an eleven-year-old girl. The girl did not have anyone in her first years of life. So it caused a disorganized attachment style. Fortunately, at the age of five, she was adopted but after there were many struggles with family connections. She was running from home and started consuming alcohol and different types of drugs at a very early age. One day she and her friends decide to make a very bad and inappropriate bet. Which led to girls’ pregnancy. After all the shame and humiliation girl went through the procedure of abortion. Even now she is barely talking with her adopted family. But many years passed by.

I would love to say that this is an extreme exception. And yet that would be just an empty promise. Most vulnerable members of our society have this constant pressure. Between the need for connection, and society’s expectations. Without any support, they barely have any feeling of self-worth to find their purpose. The worst is that those people could be easily used by sexual predators.

There is a lot of judgment and scandal around sexually active teens. All the about disease or pregnancy. Well, to be real judgment never helps. It just makes everything harder. If something unexpected happens and there is judgment most likely teen will not speak. The best possible tool to help our teens meet this world’s challenges is our love. Just care about them. Show them what is respect, and what being gentry interested in their daily life. They will have enough strength to make healthy boundaries and avoid those bad relationships.

With Love and Care,

Darian