Elegant is as Elegant Sucks
Body-con dress with tits spilling over the top. Joy to me eyes.
So, you could say she was elegant — well, the posh fuckers from Chelsea wouldn’t call ‘er that. But, anyone from these parts would say she was elegance itself — if they’d seen ‘er. But I knew deep down she was a fucking dirty slut.
Tottered in, it did, with red nails, red lips and red ‘air piled up on ‘er head. Fucking what!
Well, me you see, I’m a good-looking geezer. Broad shoulders and a nice smile. I bin told I’m a dead spit of David Essex, when ‘e was young like. So, there she was, looking at me. Body-con dress with tits spilling over the top. Joy to me eyes. Well, you don’t see many of ‘er type down at the East End’s ol Bull & Bush.
You know, I’d ‘ave bin straight in there if it weren’t for Eddie. He started chatting ‘er up saying somefink like –
What was a looker like ‘er doing alone in a place like this?
But all the while she stared across the bar, with a kinda pleading look at me. Like she was saying,
“Wot you doing over there, get over ‘ere and buy me a drink.”
So I did. Strolled right up to em both and told Eddie she was my bird and what the fuck did he think he was doing chatting her up.
Init.
“Eh sorry mate,” he said and bloody scarpered off to the John.
We both laughed and then she looked at me under ‘er false eyelashes. Well, I think they were fake, never seen any that long before — beckoning me, with her drawn-on eyebrows, towards the car park. I put me drink down and led the way. There’s a secluded wooden shelter right down the other end. She followed and immediately started pawing at me chest, unbuttoning me shirt.
“Fuck,” I said.“Get a bloody grip, down on your knees like the fucking whore you are and suck me dry.”
Pushing ‘er in that direction she didn’t need any more encouragement. Me knob was out in a jiffy and her laughing gear was all over it. Lucky cow. Sucking, slurping and blowing. I couldn’t Adam and Eve it. Fine ol time we were ‘aving. There was me about to shoot me load right down ‘er throat when she pulled me cock out and let it spurt all over her face, and cleavage.
Bosh — job done.
There’s a light out back and it was shining right at ‘er — rare treat, seeing a bird with cum dripping down ‘er chin.
I shook the last drop from the end of me dick — on her face — as she got a mirror and tissue out from ‘er bag, to clean ‘erself up, like.
“Well that was bloody lovely,” I said. “Glad I met you, what’s yer name anyway?”
Then, all very elegant like, she replied,
“Sharon — and that will be 50 quid to you — a bit of a discount cause you were so quick.”
Key: Cockney Talk
Mostly, the — ‘ — is replacing the letter H. For example, ‘air reads hair.
- John = Toilet
- Jiffy = quickly
- Bosh = great
- Geezer = man
- Adam and Eve it = Believe it
- Laughing gear = mouth
More from May…
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