Men Chasing Sex and Wanting to Father Hundreds of Children Have Killed the Sperm Donor Scene
Any woman thinking of using the online sperm donor scene should read this
A friend of mine, *Janet, turned 39 last year and had still not had children, this is despite the fact that she really wanted children. The problem was, things had simply not gone her way, she had had three long-term relationships but none had worked out for one reason or another.
After trying the dating scene one last time, she decided finally that she was going to become a single mother, and would use a sperm donor.
The IVF route was simply unviable to her due to cost, besides that, after researching into it she decided that she wanted to actually know her sperm donor in person just to make certain he was who he claimed to be.
The official sperm donor route is notorious for donors not being who they claim to be, this is even after all the protocols that have been put in place to try to get rid of all the druggies who used to donate, along with all those who have health problems.
This is why many rule the official donor route out, like Janet did, and with it ruled out, she did what many single women like her, along with many lesbian couples do, she turned to the online sperm donation scene, which is massive. There are endless Facebook groups, websites, and much more all of which seemingly provide endless options for women to find a sperm donor.
However, after six months she came to the conclusion that the scene was so horrific and contained so many risks, that she instead opened a Tinder account, and wrote in her bio that she was looking for an FWB (friend with benefits) to act as a sperm donor.
Two months later she found a guy she felt suitable and who was willing, and after several months of what she said was fun and at least mildly pleasurable sex, she was pregnant and they went their separate ways.
The crazy thing is, she told me that before her experiences with the online donor scene, she had been adamant that if sex was going to be involved, it would only be with a person she was in a relationship.
So, she went from being adamant that if she was going to go down the sperm donation route, that it would be at home AI (artificial insemination) only, to actively seeking sex to get pregnant — so a route called NI (natural insemination).
You may think that Janet is an outlier, but she is not. This story is becoming an increasingly common one, even amongst lesbian women and couples.
For example, I actually know a lesbian woman who is in her 30s and who had never had sex with a man, but after repeated efforts, she became so frustrated with the online AI scene that she signed up to a sex site and advertised she was looking for a sperm donor, found a man that she thought was decent, and lost her male virginity and became pregnant.
The reason she did this was that she concluded — just like Janet had — that it was the safest option available to her to both get pregnant and have a healthy child.
It may seem crazy that finding a man who is willing to offer a baby for sex is safer than finding a man for AI, but increasingly this is simply the way it is.
Why so many women are finding that pursuing sex is the safer and smarter option rather than the online AI scene
The first man Janet spoke to when looking for an AI donor in the online world claimed to her that he had only donated a few times, and only wanted to donate in total to 10 people. She told me that he had seemed brilliant, that he had been charming, educated, looked the part, acted it and had said all the right things.
However, after doing some research she found out that he actually already had upwards of 100 children, and she found in an earlier post he claimed that he had also donated to several clinics across Europe — meaning he probably had even more.
The reality is, it is recommended that men do not make more than 10 donations, some countries have it as high as 25 (mainly due to a desperate lack of donors), but nowhere has it in the hundreds.
The online sperm donation scene is full of men who have every intention of having hundreds of children, even more than that. Some even claim that they intend to have children in every country on the planet, and plan to have over a thousand children, the most infamous perhaps being UK donor Simon Watson.
This is absolutely horrific and disastrous simply because it has been found that virtually every child born through sperm donation, wants to meet and have at least a semblance of a relationship with their blood father — based on the experiences of children who have discovered that they are one of over a hundred or more siblings, the damage of not being able to do this is profound.
This is why women looking for donors so venomously try to avoid such men. The great challenge is the majority of men who act as donors lie about the number of donations they have made, and intend to make.
For example, the most recent scandal is a Dutchman called Jacob Meijer who has fathered potentially over a thousand children across the globe, despite being blacklisted in his home country as a donor and despite his recipients all being led to believe he only wanted to donate to upwards of 10 people at most.
So, he lied to all his recipients and allowed them to think he was not a mass donor when he was — a story which is highly common.
It should be noted that many women even knowing that a man has made endless donations and plans to continue doing so, and even knowing the damage a child having so many siblings can cause, choose to take donations from such men anyway.
But this reality shows you just how desperate so many women are to have children, and the lengths they are having to go to have them.
This brings me to the next problem, the majority of the men on the online sperm donation scene are only there due to the massive rise of lesbian couples seeking donations, which has created a situation where there are no longer anywhere near enough donors, which has created a world of desperate women.
So, the scene is a perfect place to exploit desperate women.
The online donor scene is a magnet for sexual predators
Janet made clear that she did not want sex, and that any donation would be an at-home AI donation. However, even considering this, the majority of would-be donors she spoke to ended up trying to in some way turn things around so that there would be a chance of sexual activity.
One guy said that sometimes he can get stage fright, but that they could try mutual masturbation if that happened which would make him feel more comfortable and able to make a donation.
I spoke to many women from the scene and came across endless similar stories along with endless stories of men straight-up pushing sex.
The most common way this happened from my research was that a donor would turn up, make a donation once, but then the next time he would claim he was having trouble providing the necessary “jizz”, and you can probably guess what the guy’s solution to the problem was — sex.
Considering all the difficulty in finding a donor in the first place, many women simply succumb and have sex.
I spoke to one woman who did this, a lesbian woman, and she said the reality was, if she looked for another donor, odds were the same thing would happen which made her decide that she might as well just stick with the one she was with by giving him what he wanted.
This happens even to lesbian couples, with one couple telling me that the other one simply left the room and let them get to it because it was the last option they had. They told me they were sick of searching and failing to find any man who wasn’t just after sex, or who wasn’t aiming to have hundreds of children, and decided they might as well just get the sex over with so they could get on with their lives.
Then there are the tales of sexual assaults — of which there are many.
Stories of sexual assault are extremely common in the online sperm donor world
One woman told me that a “popular” donor pushed sex on her, and she felt that she could not say no.
She told me that the guy had claimed that AI clearly was not going to work for her, and that sex was the only option and that he would have to tell others that AI was not viable with her to save them from wasting their time with her trying AI.
So, he sexually blackmailed her and I could write an endless list of similar stories that were relayed to me, and I suspect that I wouldn’t even be touching the tip of the iceberg.
It is that long.
It should be noted I came across a story where a lesbian couple sexually blackmailed a young man as well, so the exploitation is not just a one-way street.
It’s not always just the men who do the exploiting — we should acknowledge this
The would-be donor was 18 and sexually inexperienced, and had made a donation but had felt extremely uncomfortable doing it, which is to be expected.
The way the donations work is typically the man goes to the woman’s house, or they agree to meet at a set location, the man wanks himself off in the bathroom or wherever they are, puts his “jizz” into a pot, the woman then injects the sperm into her vagina — normally using a kit purchased from Amazon.
My partner when I told him of this method, looked horrified at the thought of doing it and said he simply couldn’t do it as it would feel too weird. All the men I spoke to said similar things, so for a young man, especially a sexually inexperienced one, I can definitely imagine it would not be comfortable.
But anyway, the young man felt uncomfortable doing this, but because he had made one donation, the couple demanded he continue, and told him that if he did not, they would put out a post and tell everyone that he had tried to push levels and coerce them into a threesome, and so, against his will he continued with the donations.
I have come across other stories of women exploiting male donors — some even exploiting mentally handicapped males. But, despite this, there are clearly vastly more troublesome men than women, and the scene is predominantly populated by troublesome men.
There are some good male donors — even then, they may turn out in the years to come not to be, which is the problem
I have spoken to women who have used AI donors from the online world and these donors have thus far proved to be decent men, the type of men you would want a donation from. But they are a rarity it seems, and unfortunately only thus far is the word.
That’s because the online scene is relatively new and so the scandals are only just slowly coming out, and it is not just men having lots of children and pushing sex that is the problem.
Janet told me that she spoke to many women who took a donation from a guy they had assumed was decent, and who had provided health checks and much more to prove that they had no underlying health problems, only for the children to have health problems, often both physical and mental — physical and especially mental health problems are more common amongst donor born children, even ones from clinics, which is why access to the father is so important.
After the problems had been identified in the children, the women tried to contact the donor to ask about family medical history because it was needed by the doctors, but the majority of the time, the men would immediately block them and disappear.
I spoke to a few women who said they finally managed to track down the father, only to find out that the health reports they had been given as proof of good health had been made up, and the donors had actually had an array of health problems.
Janet tells me that this is surprisingly common on the online sperm donation scene, and was the biggest reason she was put off from using it, you cannot trust the donors are healthy.
There are many men who have health problems — both physical and mental — but who lie, claiming they have none
Would-be donors don’t just frequently lie about their careers, their intentions, their educations, even about whether they have criminal records — yes, Janet told me that many women discovered years later that the donor had a criminal history, often of the sexual kind. But, they don’t just lie about all that, they frequently lie about their health which is even worse.
And what makes it even worse still, Janet told me you cannot even trust the clinics when it comes to ensuring any of this data, even health, as despite all the protocols it is easy to game the system.
I actually spoke to a person at a sperm donation clinic, and she told me that in some countries it is very difficult to get accepted as a sperm donor, the UK being one of them, but not all and often sperm from clinics comes from abroad — the UK being one of them.
So, the countries with stringent rules don’t get enough donors, and so simply purchase donor sperm from a place where there are less stringent rules — and even the stringent rules are not enough to keep out troublesome donors.
If that’s not troublesome enough, I was also told that many men who have countless health problems along with other factors that make them totally unsuitable for sperm donation, immediately on rejection from a clinic turn to the online scene.
So, the online sperm donation scene is full of men who have been rejected by sperm clinics because of health problems and/or other factors, and even the donors the clinics accept can’t be trusted fully on these measures, which tells you just how much of a danger the online sperm donor scene is.
This reality is even pushing some women to deliberately use men with health problems.
Some women are turning to mentally handicapped men as they seem a safer bet
Janet tells me that she came across one donor who had a severe mental health problem which gave him a very low IQ, and yet many women even after discovering this continued to use him, meaning he has fathered lots of children.
In terms of why the women used him anyway, Janet told me that one woman who used him said that he was reliable, honest, and he was not going to push for sex — she was a lesbian.
This seems to be the choice, if a single woman or lesbian woman/couple wishes to find an AI donor in the online world, she/they can either risk a man who may lie about having health problems or clearly has them like in the above, risk a man who may lie about how many children he has and intends to have, risk a man who was most probably rejected by a sperm clinic, risk a man who potentially has hundreds of children, potentially more, risk a man who may attempt to push sex and use coercion to get it, risk a man who may even rape, or be a rapist or criminal of another kind; or, simply sign up to Tinder or a sex site, and find a man to have sex with who is willing to be a sperm donor.
The fact is, the latter option is without a doubt the safer and smarter one which tells you everything about how horrific the online sperm donor scene is, and why it probably should be shut down completely with an entirely new system, government regulated, globally at that, put in place.
Final words
The reality is, increasingly men are reluctant to donate sperm, this is because it is increasingly difficult to pass the grade at a sperm clinic and even if you do the donation process is time-consuming, on top of that, people are becoming more aware of just how much of a penalty a child that is not raised by an equal male and female influence pays (see here, here, and here for more on this).
Considering the majority of those looking for donations are either single women or lesbian couples, this is further making men less likely to donate due to the fear of a child being severely disadvantaged due to lack of male influence.
Or rather it is leading to the type of men you would want as a donor being reluctant to make donations, which is inevitably putting women who go down the route of looking for a donor between a rock and a hard place.
Until that changes, it is likely that women will increasingly in larger numbers turn away from the AI scene and simply make babies the old-fashioned way with men who just want sex simply because as crazy as it may seem, it is increasingly the safer option — especially if you want a healthy child who can one day meet their father.
Hopefully one day that will change and we can create an AI scene that attracts the right kind of male donor, but I get the feeling that sadly we are a long way from that happening.
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