Dustbunnies Are Great Pets

Don’t chase them out with a broom!

Dana looked around the house and shook her head in disbelief. Hadn’t she just cleaned this place last week? Or had it been two weeks already?

She didn’t want to clean again already. There was a great book she wanted to continue, a scarf to crochet, and her chair looked so lonely.

Dana ran her finger across the television stand. The line of her finger created a valley in the dust. She smiled to herself. If she didn’t dust this, in another few days, she could probably draw small works of art in it.

She was reminded of her childhood and the Etch-A-Sketch she’d played with for so many hours.

The kitchen island had little spatters and rings of coffee at various places, interspersed with crumbs and a pile of unopened mail.

The stove had obviously been used for spaghetti sauce the night before and there was some dried egg or something, on the right burner.

But it was the floors Dana most dreaded. Dog hair, dried mud, a few leaves. She would sweep and mop, then the next time the dog came back in from pooping in the yard, the floor would look filthy again.

“I’ll take a moment and plan out where to start,” she said to nobody.

She sat in her chair and felt the comfort as her ass reunited with the fabric. She sighed with pleasure but resisted the longing to put the footrest up.

The luxurious yarn sat in a bag just in front of her. What if she just crocheted a row or two? But if she started working on the project, well, she knew herself better than that. She wouldn’t put it down.

But she could read another chapter of the book she’d been reading. “The MuddyUm Chronicles” was a series of short stories by the best-selling authors that contributed to her favorite online publication. She could just read this next story and then she’d get to work.

Moments later, Dana heard a sound from the dining room. As she looked in that direction, a fast-moving object caught her eye.

Shit. Is that a mouse? Really?

She wasn’t afraid of mice, but she didn’t want it in her house, either. She walked over and looked around, but didn’t see anything.

“I must have imagined it,” she thought. She went back to reading her book and heard the noise again.

“What the hell?”

She stayed where she was this time and waited to see if she would get a better look at the mouse.

She stared in the direction of the noise. Then she watched in disbelief as dirt, dust, and dog hair all began moving toward the others.

“What the hell?” she asked again.

Within moments, the floor debris became a clump. Moments after that, it took a tiny human form and waved at her.

“What the hell?” It was a dust bunny. But that couldn’t be.

Dana knew her eyes had to be playing a trick on her. She looked away and back at her book, but couldn’t keep her eyes away. As she looked back at the clump, it moved.

Slowly at first, but then more quickly, the dust bunny came toward her. She was more amused than scared by the thing. She wanted to see what would happen.

The little guy came all the way to her chair and looked up at her, with a slight whimper.

Dana giggled, in spite of herself.

She leaned over and picked it up. Immediately, it climbed up to her shoulder and nuzzled her neck.

Dana’s heart melted. And to think, she was going to dust up this little guy and put him in the garbage. How sad!

She was so glad she’d procrastinated for a little while!

The dust bunny climbed back down, onto her chest and waved at her before moving back down to the floor, then back to the dining room. It stayed motionless, the sentry in charge of the linoleum.

Dana thought about it: a dust bunny wouldn’t need food, wouldn’t wake her in the night, and it would never shit on the carpet.

Dana looked at her dog, Mel, and back at the dust bunny. Mel looked back at Dana as though he knew Dana was weighing her against dirt. She groaned a bit and rolled over.

The phone rang and Dana awoke with a start. The caller ID indicated “Out of Area,” and ignored the ringing.

She looked over at Mel’s sleeping form and then into the dining room. The dust bunny was nowhere to be found.

She thought back on her dream and the wasted afternoon. John would be home in just a few minutes.

“Screw it,” she said to herself. “If he wants the house cleaned, he can do it.”

Inspired by her dream, Dana grabbed her journal and wrote a poem:

Why do I bother removing the dust, Or vacuuming dirt from the floor? Why wipe the counters, sweep, or mop, When all of these chores I abhor.

I don’t see the point of wasting my time, Making my house look just so. I like a clean home when friends come to call But prefer to just keep status quo.

So draw in the dust and admire the dirt I invite you to come anyway. Don’t judge; let’s just talk about everything We can chat and enjoy a nice day.

Cleaning will still be an option tomorrow I may or may not get it done. I’d rather spend my time reading a book And having my own sort of fun.

She put the journal down and picked up the book. Then she giggled, reading a funny line from Susan Brearley.

Jennifer Pike is a writer who hates to clean. She procrastinated her chores today by writing this story in answer to the MuddyUm Challenge.

The dirt will still be there tomorrow.