Drop Out

Law school drop out

I’m starting to think this shit ain’t for me

Especially when Lord knows

Shit ain’t free

All these books got my mind fried

Stunting my creative flow

Education has me tongue tied

While my anxiety intensifies

Crying in my boy’s bedside

While he lays beside me fast asleep

And I’m just trying not to make a peep

Because I got so much on my mind

God, help me roll up the blinds

Please just let the sun inside

My brother on the brink of going to jail

Even has my dad stop drinking from the Well

Liquor

So I’m trying to focus on Benny licking my kitty

He blesses me with kind words to make me

Feel pretty

When I’m gone promises

That he miss me

But I’m missing it all

He caught me dropping the ball

Carrying my family on my shoulders

Wish I could handle it all

But I’m taking the fall

Stuck between two different realities

But neither one allows me to be free

Out West full of tests I couldn’t give a damn

About

Doing prep and building fake connects

Just so I can work for a broken system I say

I don’t stan

But what my education teaches me

Is how to provide for The Man

Not how to take a stand.

But I’m just trying to land on my feet

That’s the tea; there is no defeat

Of this cruel system that burdens us all

Indoctrinated not to take a leap

Out South though, things keep going south

My brother can’t shut his mouth

Keeps driving around

Riding a roundabout

Smoking loud, falsely believing he’s profound

Meanwhile mom and dad can’t make a sound

My father may have quit the bottle

But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t sent us

For full throttle

An airplane that’s stuck on unmoving grounds

Waiting to take off, but

It stays on ground; waiting to be found

Pitying my mom cause she works diligently

But the truth is that she ain’t no how to handle

Shit

Not a spliff, or my brothers missing targets

That’s what’s sending me

Spending all day at target, like bitch that

Ain’t for free

God it’s killing me

Just get your shit together quick that way I can breath

Focus on my own life cause

It’s on pause for your own troubles

While I ain’t get a small applause

Shedding bras; finding serotonin that feels so raw

While my youngest sibling gives me a

Call, telling me he’s hurting, pleading

For a chaos that he finds strangely rewarding

I think he knows what goes up comes down

So when things are low he doesn’t expect a blow

Finding pleasure in pain

Isn’t that so low?

Wish I could help yet I’m stuck in traffic

Moonlight bouncing off the cars that are

Heading nowhere

Trying to find a space that I’m surely lacking

That I feel compares

To my aspirations and fantasies

Desires of compassion but I feel despair

Cause I’m stuck in traffic that is heading

Nowhere

I’m heading home, yet I feel despair

Now I unload my luggage into empty baskets

Like a lottery, but I missed the bracket

Tell myself it’s time to eat

But I want the casket

My hunger’s lacking

Efforts to make peace

That shit be taxiing

So I want to leave but I’ve nowhere to run

Weight’s so heavy I’m carrying a ton; a ton of oxygen fills my lungs

Gonna let loose; sigh; look the other way today

I’ll ignore the noose

Filled with resilience reminded of my strength in youth

Clinging to what’s in my roots

Tomorrow is a new day

And with that, I have nothing to say

Gonna wait it out let God decide

He knows what’s best

And if not him, the universe will surely contest

I can’t do it all; just need to lay and rest