Dress For Success

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Abstract

t get what you wore in back).This is a mistake. One feature of hiking on a relatively populated trail is the reality that almost everybody wants a photo with the scenic overlook in the background. And surprisingly, I’m not the only hiker who goes it alone. There are women who do that, too.This presents a golden opportunity to approach a single woman when it’s easy to ride in like Sir Gallahad and offer to be her photographer. This is something I’ve done for all sorts of people. Not just women who look good. Ya know…families and groups and such. And almost everybody is happy to pose and chat for a few minutes.Yesterday as usual. I took photos for a few people, two of whom were single females. One was good-looking and more or less age-appropriate. We proceeded to take photos of each other, but while the woman was friendly, she didn’t act as if she wanted to pair up for the rest of the ascent.Enlightened and perceptive guy that I am, I puttered with my pack so she could wander off without the botheration of having some trail asshole push up on her. And not to my surprise, when I turned around, she was nowhere in sight.No

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problem. I’m familiar with rejection. Remember, I submit stories to Medium editors. And you know how that goes! But I digress.When I got home from what was a relatively easy hike compared to Breakneck (which is rated 10 out of 10 for difficulty. This hike was only a 7), I checked out the photos I’d taken on the hike. And when I saw myself, what was my first impression? “Look at those shlumpy clothes. No wonder that woman walked off. You look like a fucking loser!” I’ll not post one of those pictures. Take my word for it.The trail had too many people yesterday. But it was a beautiful day. And the leaves were in decent regalia. All in all? A major success. But ya know what? Next time out I’m going to rethink what I wear. There’s opportunity in them there woods. “Gold in them thar hills” if you will.I’ll wear something decent because as we all know (except for me before yesterday), “clothes make the man.” And a word to the wise: “Dress for success.” Yesterday was proof of the pudding.P.S. This story’s photo was taken yesterday just before my exchange with the woman to whom I refer in this story.</article></body>

What was I thinking?

photo by author

There are two old adages neither of which I find especially sagacious — that is — until yesterday. “Dress for success” and “clothes make the man” strike me as silly, even if I understand that employers and women will form an opinion based on how somebody dresses.

I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t view hiking garb as a fashion show. Nor do I go on hikes to pick up women or even socialize. Mostly if I had my druthers, I wouldn’t run into anybody in the woods. I hear enough people chattering in New York City (where I live). I go on hikes to get away from all the boring verbal intercourse.

So back to the point…I generally hit the trail with a mind toward not ruining good clothing (something I’ve done before) because I know I’ll be sitting on rocks, sweating my ass off, and basically, making whatever I’m wearing dirty and worn. Thus, I wear the kind of shit I wore to prison (where you don’t get what you wore in back).

This is a mistake. One feature of hiking on a relatively populated trail is the reality that almost everybody wants a photo with the scenic overlook in the background. And surprisingly, I’m not the only hiker who goes it alone. There are women who do that, too.

This presents a golden opportunity to approach a single woman when it’s easy to ride in like Sir Gallahad and offer to be her photographer. This is something I’ve done for all sorts of people. Not just women who look good. Ya know…families and groups and such. And almost everybody is happy to pose and chat for a few minutes.

Yesterday as usual. I took photos for a few people, two of whom were single females. One was good-looking and more or less age-appropriate. We proceeded to take photos of each other, but while the woman was friendly, she didn’t act as if she wanted to pair up for the rest of the ascent.

Enlightened and perceptive guy that I am, I puttered with my pack so she could wander off without the botheration of having some trail asshole push up on her. And not to my surprise, when I turned around, she was nowhere in sight.

No problem. I’m familiar with rejection. Remember, I submit stories to Medium editors. And you know how that goes! But I digress.

When I got home from what was a relatively easy hike compared to Breakneck (which is rated 10 out of 10 for difficulty. This hike was only a 7), I checked out the photos I’d taken on the hike. And when I saw myself, what was my first impression? “Look at those shlumpy clothes. No wonder that woman walked off. You look like a fucking loser!” I’ll not post one of those pictures. Take my word for it.

The trail had too many people yesterday. But it was a beautiful day. And the leaves were in decent regalia. All in all? A major success. But ya know what? Next time out I’m going to rethink what I wear. There’s opportunity in them there woods. “Gold in them thar hills” if you will.

I’ll wear something decent because as we all know (except for me before yesterday), “clothes make the man.” And a word to the wise: “Dress for success.” Yesterday was proof of the pudding.

P.S. This story’s photo was taken yesterday just before my exchange with the woman to whom I refer in this story.