Down the Rabbit Hole and into the Dragon’s Dungeon: My Magical Mid-Life Crisis

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I think often about how amazing and improbable it is for anyone to end up in any particular moment of their life. It’s a great exercise in humility and appreciation. Think about where you are right now. Who are you with? What are you doing? How did you get here?

Once you think you have the answer, trace it back one step further, and then one step further again. You’ll soon come to realize how many little things had to happen for you to end up where you are at this current moment. Without any one of those things, you could be somewhere completely different, leading a completely different life.

Walking through this exercise every so often helps me to realize that it is best to live life with no regrets. As I walk back through scenarios that brought me to my current life as a mother, wife, and educator, I sometimes come across events that I previously thought were regrets. Choices I didn’t make, paths I didn’t take, and relationships, friendships, and stages of life that ended in ways that seemed devastating at the time. But without any of those moments, where would I be now? Probably not having a magical mid-life crisis.

It was a series of these highs and lows a little over a year ago that landed me in the delightful little life phase that I now find myself in as I enter “this, the last year of my 30s.”

In my late teens and early 20s, I was really into the independent music scene. I’d venture out to shows several times a week to hear my favorite bands, often dragging my friends along with me. I worked as a street rep, sold merch at concerts, befriended rising rock stars, and dreamed of becoming the next Freda Kelly. So, when one of my favorite bands announced their final tour in late 2022 I knew I could not miss the opportunity to hear them live one final time.

My husband and I had a great night out at the concert which was in a small, intimate venue (the best kind), but afterward, I was left with a feeling of sadness. Now what? I streamed days and days of music and felt that bitter sting of loss. At the age of 38, I started to think about how much my life had changed in the last decade and a half. Don’t get me wrong, my life has changed in amazing ways. I married the love of my life, bought a house, and became a mother. I wouldn’t trade what I have for the world, but that sense of the end of one phase of life was hanging over my head. Would I ever be a cutting-edge hipster again? Likely, not.

When I took to the internet to see what the members of the band were up to next, I didn’t know I was embarking on a journey that would bring a whole different kind of joy to my life.

I soon learned that one member of the band had recently started a podcast about ADHD and Dungeons and Dragons. Now…I didn’t have ADHD, and the entirety of my knowledge base about Dungeons and Dragons came from the show Stranger Things and one episode of the show Community. However, I did have friends, family, and students with ADHD, so I thought it really couldn’t hurt to give it a listen.

I was immediately hooked. Not only did I soon discover aspects of my personality that seemed to suggest I may have ADHD (something my husband had been suggesting for years), but the D&D seemed pretty interesting too. It wasn’t, as I had previously thought, just a game where a bunch of nerds made up their own rules and did whatever they wanted. It was more of a communal form of storytelling, mixed with improv, and it seemed to spark a lot of joy in those who were playing it. I wanted to give it a try.

So, after reaching out, becoming (probably way too) engrained in the community that podcast had built, and a little bit of light convincing from the like-minded super cool nerds (nerd is a HIGH compliment in my book!) in that space, I decided to play my first game…and of course brought my husband into the fold with me.

Do you remember that feeling of wonder you felt as a child, playing make-believe with your friends? The world was your play-place, and you could be anything you wanted to be. Turns out, you can still have that as an adult! I went into my first game with nervous excitement and came out as a giraffe who defeated the final big boss by having my husband’s character climb up my neck and spear that sucker with a sword like some sort of magical other-worldly unicorn that had previously only seemed possible in the imagination of a child. It was pure magic, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Seven months after that first game, I’m still playing. My husband has learned to be a “Game Master,” our friends are coming to us with questions about how to play, and we’ve played some small TTRPGs (tabletop role playing games — D&D is just one of many!) with our son and family. It has become another thing we can enjoy together. It’s an amazing way to escape the stresses of everyday life and find some fun and fantasy. It’s also great for your mental health. As a bonus, I’ve met and gotten to play with a ton of great people from all across the globe (turns out you can use Zoom for fun, not just torture)!

So, while I haven’t dyed my hair, shaved my head, purchased a sports car, or gotten a tattoo, I have embraced play, imagination, and magic as part of my mid-life crisis, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

D&D is experiencing somewhat of a surge in popularity, and there are plenty of actual play shows like Dimension 20 and Critical Role that can give you a good idea of what it’s like to play a game. If you and your friends are itching to play and you don’t have a Game Master, you can always hire a professional. And even if you don’t have a group to play with, there are resources online like StartPlaying where you can sign up to play a game led by a beginner-friendly Game Master. Of course, you can also enter The Pocket Dimension and check out the community that welcomed me down the rabbit hole and into the dragon’s dungeon.

How do you want to do this? The easiest way is to just dive right in and see where the adventure takes you. I’m happy to help if you have any questions. Now pick up your D20 and roll for initiative! I hope to see you there!