Don’t Want Kids? Unplug From the Majority.

Your life, your choice.

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

Being childfree can be easy once you get past the assumption that children are part of marriage. It doesn’t have to be that way, and lots of people lead fulfilling lives without raising children.

Many of these folks became childfree after research and introspection, sometimes over years. We don’t all hate children — we simply don’t want to become parents.

It’s an intentional decision. And that means unplugging from society’s parenting expectations.

Mainstream Manipulation?

I was talking to an older friend’s wife one day about dating. I was close with both of them, and she’s a sweet woman who always looked out for me. But when I told her I don’t want kids, her voice was awash with sincere pity when she said something akin to, “Oh, honey, you’ll never find anyone that way.”

She meant well, and she wasn’t condescending at all, but her words revealed the bare truth of our child-centric society. To me, they came from a mainstream culture that, for the most part, expects people to march along to a pro-natal standard.

In this case, the standard insists that our chances of finding happiness with a childfree mate are so minuscule that we might as well forget it. Become part of the machine.

Sorry not sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Mainstream. My life, my choice.

Single and Childfree

The choice is the same, whether you’re single or married. Some childfree singles believe in the sanctity of marriage and hope to get hitched with the right person someday.

Unfortunately, the traditional world often sees this confidence as some sort of catch-22. After all, marriage is unlikely if the single person expects a potential mate to go through life without kids, right? Such a pointless desire must always result in heartache and loneliness, right?

*Rolling eyes* Please.

Having made the “no kids” choice almost 20 years ago, I’ve met many CF folks. Childfree singles are well aware we’re in the minority. But our decision is important enough that we’re okay with the lower stats.

We’ve contemplated our decision, in some cases, for several years. We’ve researched the pros and cons, sometimes speaking with medical professionals as well as family and friends. We’ve done our homework and we’re as steady as the Rock of Gibraltar in our decision. We know what we want the same as anyone who’s reflected on changing jobs, moving across the country, or any other major life decision.

Yes, “to parent or not to parent” is a significant life decision. Anyone telling you otherwise hasn’t thought it through all the way or is trying to sell you something.

Sure, wanting to live childfree isn’t the only criterion for getting married. There must be love, compatibility, passion, and more, yet we know it’s something we truly desire. It’s a deal-breaker.

Our life, our choice.

Same with married folks.

Married and Childfree

You’re likely to find any childfree couple just as happy as any parent couple, but situations vary. Not all kids are the same. Not all parents are the same. Any given couple’s “happiness” may depend on their age, gender, culture, or other circumstances. It’s more personal than some well-meaning statistics would have you believe.

The increasing number of childfree, married couples should show the world that children are not a necessity. These couples are proof that childfree marriage works.

You may be part of a couple that already knows you don’t want 18 years of child-rearing. If anyone expects you to deny your freedom by having kids, that’s on them. Frankly, such assumptions aren’t any of their business.

Plenty of folks are happily married and contribute to society as a family of two. Or more if they add the unconditional love of pets.

Their life, their choice.

Middle of the Road

But wait a minute — there may be a compatible middle ground.

Let’s switch gears and go back to the singles for a sec.

You could be the sincerest, funniest, cutest person this side of the Mississippi (or the Nile, the Yangtze, the Danube…), but the dating process still drags on. You’re meeting some lovely people, but nothing seems to click.

After a while, you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed one evening as your mind wanders to your childfree decision from years ago. A half-baked question pops into your head.

Would it be so bad if I met folks with older kids? Young adults who can take care of themselves?

If you’re like me, you might consider where you are in life. You think about how you’d deal with teens and older kids. You revisit your reasons for choosing to go childfree in the first place. The answer may show up after a slow burn, or it could be a spark jumping out of a fire.

I can’t deny my potential dating pool has grown since I decided to consider dating parents/empty nesters, but my jury’s still out on this new philosophy. Part of it will likely depend on the kids’ personalities and the family dynamics. It’s different for everyone.

I told this to a friend the other day, and they asked, “What if they have grandchildren?”

I shrugged.

Yup. Need more research. And maybe some soul-searching.

Still, this middle ground potential does exist. Whether you investigate or ignore is your choice.

Takeaway

Living childfree is a personal choice, whether you’re single or married. It’s worth your careful consideration, even though your decision may be gradual or instant.

You don’t have to follow the pro-natalist lemmings off the cliff.

If you know the data to back up your decision, that’s awesome. But if your heart tells you living childfree is right, you don’t have to listen to anyone else, especially the omnipresent media machine.

Your life, your choice.

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