Don’t ‘Unfriend’ Your Opponents

There are good reasons to keep them around

Some of my most engaging interactions online have been with a queer woman with whom I graduated. (*Queer is the term that she uses for herself and is not intended as a slur.)

As I am a conservative Christian, we obviously disagreed on a number of matters, but I always felt that we did so cordially. It was always my goal to keep an open dialogue.

That said, I know that some of my positions on various issues were offensive to her. I tried not to make an issue of these and assumed that we would just agree to disagree; after all, we were old friends.

Then one day it happened. I somehow came across her page, and there were the dreaded words: “Add Friend.”

I was dumbfounded. Had I posted something offensive? Was there a comment I had made that landed wrong? I scrolled through the past few months.

Nothing.

…At least nothing that was evident to me. In fact, I had hardly been on social media at all.

I couldn’t help but wonder if it was simply because we both hold such strongly opposing views. That is, she unfriended me because of my Christian views.

This article isn’t a critique of “cancel culture.” In fact I have found Christians are just as guilty — if not more so — than the rest of society of “canceling” people.

If you don’t believe me, wait until the next time a popular preacher expresses an unpopular opinion and watch how the evangelical world responds.

Instead, this article is a plea.

Don’t cancel people.

Don’t unfriend those you find offensive.

Hear them.. even if you’re offended.

Here’s why:

Our opponents help us grow. The Bible says, “”Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.“ (‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27‬:‭17,‬ ‭ESV‬‬) But iron sharpens iron through friction; through the process of rubbing against.

We need people who will push back against us. Sometimes we are wrong and we need people to tell us. Our opponents challenge us to reconsider our presuppositions.

But even if your opponents don’t change your mind, they will at least help you refine your position. Often, those who disagree with me make me ask hard questions and dig deeper. I can find myself surprised just as easily by how thoroughly an opponent has considered their position as how shallowly I have held my own.

Our opponents keep us from creating stereotypes. It is easy to think of people as caricatures when you don’t take the time to get to know them.

No one is just one thing, regardless of how we choose to identify ourselves. We are multifaceted. Everyone has dreams, habits, talents, and a story that make the world beautiful. After all, we are all created in the image of God.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (‭‭Genesis‬ ‭1‬:‭27,‬ ‭ESV‬‬)

We are all part of a story and everyone is in the process of becoming who they are destined to be. We are not the people we were 10 years ago, nor will we be the same people 10 years from now.

You might find that if you wait a while, you may come to actually like the person you now count as an enemy.

Beyond all this, our opponents open the world to us and open us to the world. We often don’t recognize that each of us view the world through a particular lens.

But the world is much bigger and more diverse than we often imagine. Many of the people with whom we find ourselves at odds represent experiences and backgrounds that we don’t understand.

That’s why we need to hear their stories and try to see the world through their eyes. Perhaps in doing so we will learn to more fully love the people that Jesus loves.

Our opponents challenge us to examine our own ideas, see people more clearly, and understand the world more fully.

Maybe this is why Jesus taught us to love and pray for our enemies.

”But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭44‬-‭45,‬ ‭ESV‬‬)

In loving them we become more like Jesus who prayed for the forgiveness even of those who killed him. (Luke 23:34) We become lights to the world. In reflecting Jesus in this way, we might even see some people come to know Him as Lord.

Live for Jesus.