Don’t Tell Yourself that It’s Going to Be Okay
It's okay to be frustrated, fed up, and angry.
I constantly come across conflicting ideas.
Ideas from one guru are completely opposite of the next.
One says passion will save your life, the other says money will buy you the freedom for passion.
One says find what makes you happy, the other says life is about becoming resilient to human suffering.
One says real estate will make you rich, the other says long term investment in bonds and index funds.
But don’t fret…
No one is wrong.
They’re just wrong for you.
You know what?
Get angry about it. Because it’s not okay. But don’t tell them that. Tell yourself.
You don’t have to be okay with anything.
And you should never be okay with everything…
We all have or have had a singular belief or multiple beliefs that truly stop us from our greatness. Even though we inherently think they’re for the best.
Mine?
That sounds like an intrusive personal question, reader…
Tell you what though, I’ll tell you mine for an extra like.
This belief of mine, the one that has always held me back, is that “anger is evil. It’s never solved anything, and it makes you a bad person.”
That suppression of anger was convincing from two different angles.
- My stepfather and biological father showed acute bouts of anger that intimidated and confused the fuck out of me. I wasn’t around them enough to understand anger itself. I only knew that it hurt me, so it must be a bad thing. And the both disappeared from life when I needed them most.
- My mother was always accommodating and selfless…and tempered AF. I’ve never seen her lose her temper except for the time that she asked my brother if he was on drugs. Valid question though in my opinion. What I took from her tolerating snd tempered attitude is that anger was not only bad but primal, volatile, and a punishment to others.
So anger became a constant emotion that I was supposed to hide because I was supposed the bigger man. Because I was better than others if I never got angry.
And for a lot of reasons, this angle is true:
Anger is almost always explosive, out of control, and accompanied by aggression and/or violence.
Anger shows a lack of self-governance and most times makes you look stupid in arguments.
The reason anger is like this, is because it’s a reactive emotion. It comes out of us when we’re afraid, insecure, protective, shocked,
Or — and I might get some blowback for this — when self-suppressing men hide from their emotions and play the “I’m too strong to be hurt or need help” game.
But here’s the truth…
Anger has a positive too.
The more suppressed anger that I have the more anxiety I have. Because I shame myself for being angry. I feel horrible because a long time ago I told myself that only bad men get angry. All because a had parents that never explained anger to me, and an ignorant fearful school environment that condoned cowering over standing up for yourself.
As recent years have passed, I’ve used my own anger to keep me consistent in my new found desires and goals. I’ve used it to speak my mind and to stand my ground. Yet, I haven’t killed anyone or hurt any relationships. If anything, I’ve gained respect by being clear with my intentions and what I don’t want to tolerate. People know what I want, and have either supported me or melted away(there’s been a lot of melting.)
That doesn’t mean it’s been easy. I’m going against the grain of my old dusty character. I’m breaking the mold on the silent and “everyone’s better than me” attitude that used to exist.
But my heart feels less heavy.
When we’re angry, the biggest key is not to point our anger at someone, but to let it exist exactly for what it is.
An emotion.
“I’m angry because I feel so rushed and undervalued. I could just use some affection to feel less pressure.”
NOT
“You make me so angry because you’re always pushing me to do more and never appreciate me. If you would just love me more, I wouldn’t be like this.”
(Do I sound like a life coach yet? Good…I used to be one.)
Anger is a truly amazing potential. What matters is how we utilize it; use it to our advantage.
But to do so, all of us have to stop shaming ourselves for our anger. We have to stop judging each other for having it. We have to realize that anger is just the human emotion, and the expression of it — good or bad — is what’s to blame.
Anger can help you find what you want it in life. It can help you decide that you’re done letting the world tell you who you are and what you have to do. It can help you stop censoring and silencing yourself for things that you believe in. And it can also help you stand up for yourself in friendships and relationships of all kinds.
Anger is just as important as love and sadness and joy.
And just like any emotion, if we suppress is, it comes out darker than it should. It hurts other people and relationships and opportunities.
The only reason we feel guilty about it or make someone else feel guilty about it is only because we don’t understand it. And because it’s an intimidating and shocking emotion.
But it’s our job as humans to understand ourselves deeply. Because the more we do, the more we understand others. And the more we understand both, the more we can be empathetic and helpful to each other when emotions like anger bulldoze itself into our spaces of connection.
I WANT to be around people that express themselves and then we discuss it. And if we could face our fears, I think this is what we’d all want.
Anger doesn’t have to destroy things. It can actually create clarity and motion and connection.
(Who doesn’t like angry make-up sex??)
Don’t tell yourself it’s going to be okay if you just stay patient and tame.
Get fucking angry.
Stop moderating yourself, toning yourself down, and suppressing yourself to be “good”.
Get fucking angry.
About life, about goals, about wealth, about the “normal” that everyone is seduced by, about others not believing in you, about finding love, about living life every way you’ve ever wanted.
Get fucking angry.
I dare you to allow it.
I dare you to use it.
To express it.
Truth and Love Reader.
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