Summary

The article discusses the societal and religious pressures on women to be responsible for men's thoughts and actions, particularly regarding their attire and behavior, and the impact of these expectations on women's mental health and autonomy.

Abstract

The author reflects on a personal revelation in therapy about individual responsibility, contrasting it with a lifetime of being taught that her female body was inherently a liability. This liability extended to being held accountable for men's sinful thoughts and actions, leading to a burden of constant self-monitoring and anxiety. The article critiques the double standards exemplified by evangelical pastor John Piper, who suggested women's bodies are distracting to men, thus justifying restrictions on women's roles in religious leadership. It also highlights the pervasive nature of these beliefs in supposedly safe female spaces and criticizes a blog that promotes traditional gender roles and subservience. The author finds inspiration in historical accounts of women defying patriarchal silencing and in contemporary movements of women reclaiming their bodies and voices. The article concludes with a call to action, encouraging women to continue speaking out against these oppressive norms.

Opinions

The author challenges the notion that women are responsible for men's thoughts and behaviors, viewing this belief as an unjust burden.
The article criticizes the evangelical stance that women's bodies are inherently distracting to men, which has been used to limit women's roles in religious settings.
The expectation for women to dress and behave in ways that prevent men from sinning is seen as contributing to mental health issues such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
The author expresses frustration with the pervasive nature of these expectations, even in all-female environments, where women are policed by other women.
The article condemns the blog "The Transformed Wife" for promoting subservience and traditional gender roles, including the idea that women should dress to please their husbands.
The author rejects the concept that modest dress is a measure of a woman's virtue or attractiveness, as satirized in Matthew West's song "Modest is Hottest."
The article draws strength from historical examples of women who have resisted and spoken out against patriarchal structures, as well as from the current wave of female activism and scholarship.
The author advocates for women to reclaim their bodies and voices, refusing to be silenced by oppressive cultural and religious norms.

Don’t Tell Me to Shut Up

My female body is not a liability

Sitting in therapy one day, I must have had a look of shock on my face as the psychiatrist told me we are each responsible for our own actions, thoughts, and ideas, not someone else’s. That was news to me. I was in my mid-40’s and hadn’t figured out that I was not responsible for how others thought or behaved. I believed the sin of others was my fault.

Go figure.

For my entire life, my female body was a liability. In the tradition I grew up in, this meant I was responsible for men’s thoughts, actions, and even sin, for if I behaved and dressed inappropriately — a guessing game for sure — then it was my fault that men sinned. I am not overstating it when I say this was a tremendous and unwarranted burden. The daily act of getting dressed and putting on makeup could become paralyzing or bring on OCD.

“Will this outfit cause some random man to fall into sin? Is my blouse cut too low, my skirt too high? Is this color too flashy, these pants too tight? Do I have too much makeup on? My lipstick too red?”

From a mental health perspective, this is indeed crazy-making. Our thoughts will get muddled as they get lost in the noise of others’ — until we can no longer hear our own — much less recognize them. Our inability to know our own mind will spill over into other areas of our lives as we try to mind-read everyone around us, endeavoring never to offend — an impossible task.

We will walk away feeling like a failure — again.

Who gets to say?

I remember listening to John Piper, a renowned evangelical pastor, while he defended his reasons for why women should not preach and teach. His reasoning? Their bodies were too distracting to men, so the message would be lost on them as they ogled the female body. Never ever was there a sermon on how men’s bodies — let alone actions — might be distracting to women. None of that was a liability nor a barrier to male leadership.

If women spoke up and objected to such double standard, no doubt they would be blamed — oh, but that wouldn’t happen…

This belief is pervasive, and nowhere feels safe, not even in female spaces. I was in a women’s Bible study, and as I leaned over to place something on the couch, I inadvertently showed some cleavage. The woman sitting there chastised me with, “good thing no men were here, or they would have gotten a look down your blouse.” Say what?! Now I have to be careful of my body because of some imaginary man?

WTF?

I ran across a blog recently that has made me want to throw up; it is that nauseating. To rub salt in the wound, it is full of Bible verses to support the view that women should marry, have children, and swear off college. Plus, they should be subservient to their husbands by — get this — wearing what he wants her to wear, fixing dinner the way he wants it. And for God’s sake, don’t point out his sin because then you are a shrew.

You might think a man wrote this blog.

Nope

The title of her blog is The Transformed Wife. It is full of such gems as “Don’t Advertise What You’re Not Willing To Give.” Look at this pearl of wisdom:

I was always told that guys just want one thing. I thought the same of him, BUT I was advertising to him my body all summer long in immodest clothing. I was advertising something I had no intention of giving to him, but he didn’t know that. Guys are turned on when they see scantily clad women. This is why whores dress the way they do. They are advertising something they want to give for money.

The author lamely says she is not promoting rape culture, but every example places responsibility on women — after all, men cannot control themselves around scantily clad women.

Really?

How about women dressed in burkas who are raped? Maybe they inadvertently flashed an ankle!

Speaking loudly

When I am about to go mad with this insane drivel, I return to one of my favorite books to date: The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth. As a historian, Beth Allison Barr writes how women have prevailed over the centuries in the face of patriarchy. They laughed at kings who tried to silence them, defended themselves against those who quoted Scripture, and generally would not shut up. Their bravery inspires me.

And I continue to be inspired.

Recently, a couple of young women I know posted pictures of their naked backs in an attempt to push back on the notion that their bodies are sin magnets and something to be ashamed of. They grew tired of the constant message that if they show some skin, they are in sin.

What set them off was Matthew West’s song Modest is Hottest. Here’s the chorus:

Modest is hottest, the latest fashion trend Is a little more Amish, a little less Kardashian What the boys really love is a turtleneck and a sensible pair of slacks Honey, modest is hottest, sincerely, your dad

Can I get an “Ugh?”

On the face of it, it would seem that women should just give up and lay down. Preferably on the marriage bed — then their bodies will be sanctified under the authority of their husbands.

However, that has never been the path for image-bearers of God. More women are coming out of the woodwork and speaking up. Young women, historians, bloggers, book writers, and theologians. Our voices ring out.

We will not shut up.

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