Don’t tell me everything’s peachy

I can no longer remain silent

The rituals of our daily lives are internalized habitually and unquestioningly. When a long standing relationship of trust is undone, a microaggression is acknowledged causing indignation and anger to grow. If this transgression goes beyond the single occasion and affects many, the impacted must band together and stand up to forces mightier than themselves. Expressed in a unified voice, collective action carries torrential power.

The time for silent acquiescence is over. The boiling frog of incremental degradation of our tastes and freedoms is at hand. The line in the sand has been drawn. I’m calling out for yogurt justice.

I can no longer accept that peach yogurt gets thrown into my yogurt family pack. The way it just gets sneakily added into multipacks as if we didn’t notice just rots my socks. Big Dairy knows very well that no one buys peach yogurt unless they’re forced.

Like an insidious omnibus bill hiding pork barrel spending, peach yogurt eats away at our consumer sovereignty like a rust proofing option at a car dealership or the cable package with more channels than your TV has digits.

And no Mr. Big Dairy and Mr. Big Peach , I do not feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you sneak this interloper into my diet. It is time to orphan this unwanted hand me down.

On occasion, I have tolerated your unannounced and surreptitious placement of a cherry yogurt unit into my family pack in its well disguised but inauspicious packaging.

And yes, as an occasional palate cleanser, I accept cherry as the mouthwash of yogurt flavours even though I recoil upon its hitting my taste buds like an infant trying their first dill pickle. The stats don’t lie, we are being duped, if not conditioned, to accept this sensory invasion. Surely, this practice qualifies as dumping under some international trade deal.

I can’t wait for cannabis yogurt. But no amount of THC will fool me into blithely accepting further assault on my taste buds at the hands of forced peach yogurt consumption.

We will not speak of the deluded caffeine addict taking their fix in coffee flavored yogurt so as to trick themselves into thinking this doesn’t count as coffee consumption. Their hyperactive flinching and twitching tell all.

Now that Big Yogurt has played on my food wastage guilt and sunken costs economic thinking, a day of reckoning is at hand. You might as well pump a dose of lead into my unleaded gasoline as soil my family yogurt pack with peach.

I will no longer have my goodwill played as though a lost puppy was abandoned on my doorstep. That’s why I hope you’ll join the growing movement called Occupy Big Dairy. We will take on the grocers, dairy producers and big box stores as a people united against yogurt intimidation and oppression. The movement is upon us. No Justice, No Peach.