Don’t Take Your-Self Too Seriously

Some 25 years ago, a friend invited me to join him and visit a Tibetan buddhist gathering in Amsterdam. I remember there was a talk by a very old and very brittle looking Tibetan monk. I have no idea who he was, but I will never ever forget the lesson he had in store for us visitors. He walked on stage very slowly a sat down on a chair. He took all the time in the world to have a look around the venue. I remember there were a couple of hundred visitors. He began talking in a — heavily — Tibetan-English accent. Very slowly. Very surely.

He asked who of us were having a good relationship with ourselves?! Very, very few fingers were pointed up in the air. He asked who of us were having a bad relationship with ourselves?! A tsunami of fingers up the air followed. Including mine. I was struggling with a serious depression in that period. And thus in constant war with myself. I was extremely harsh with myself. I was constantly criticizing myself. Beating myself up.

Then — out of nowhere — the old Tibetan started to chuckle. First very quietly and softly. But his laughter got louder and louder. And was contagious. Everybody started to chuckle and — later — laugh out loud as well. It was a very surreal scenery; hundreds of people roaring in laughter.

And then the old Tibetan stopped. All of a sudden he became completely quiet. So…. so did we.

I can still remember the silence of that moment. Very vividly. It was deafening. After what felt like hours, the old Tibetan started to talk again. He asked us: Do you get the point I’m trying to make? Do you get it?

I didn’t…

There is no self. You can search inside yourself for as long as you want, you won’t ever find your self. So, don’t take your-self too seriously. It doesn’t exist. If your self gives you trouble next time; relax. Just have a laugh.

Then he got up and walked off stage.

I was left puzzled. And pissed off. That too. I clearly didn’t get his point. I was very much experiencing my self, and I wasn’t enjoying it one bit. My self was nothing to laugh about. It was driving me crazy with despair. I hated my self.

It took me many, many years of blood, sweat, tears and practice to understand the old Tibetan. It’s all about the distinction between ‘real’ and ‘true’. Your self is real, but not true. What you experience as your self is very real. Your thoughts, beliefs, personality, traits, skills, behaviors, wants, needs, feelings; they all exist. For real.

But ‘real’ doesn’t mean shit. Imagine an iceberg. The bit you experience as your self, is just the bit above the water. It’s the part we experience directly in the present; the bit we perceive for real.

But — as the iceberg — there is a much bigger part underneath the surface. It’s the bit we don’t see, but that nevertheless is there. Our unconscious. It is the part that is not about our present, but about our past. We are all 100% conditioned by our past experiences.

If you really want to get to know your self, you don’t have to notice what is happening in your head in the present, but why this is happening?! Our heads are filled with stuff we take for granted as our-selves, but our-selves are not ourselves. We are made out of other people. Parents. Peers. We experience their — past — views as our — present — truths. If you want to understand your-self, you need to know who filled it…

The other part of our-selves are made out of past — painful — experiences. We have all studied at the School Of Life; and we have all learned the hard way. We are all driven by a very simple principle; avoid more pain. Our — present — views on life are caused by — past -painful truths.

This is your-self; a ghost of your-past. If you are able to find out your — haunting — why’s and who’s, you will discover that — beyond them — your-self is completely empty. There is nothing beyond what is taught _/|\_