Don’t Skip Christmas Cookies: They’re Good for the Soul

I came home from running last-minute holiday errands to a beautifully-wrapped box filled with cookies, chocolates, and a loaf of bread on my doorstep, all homemade from my industrious neighbor. I immediately was hit with a wave of anxiety. We go back and forth, swapping baked goods, all year round, so I know what an amazing baker she is. All of her cookies are baked to perfection; the loaf is springy and moist; the chocolates melt in your mouth. So what was the problem?

The problem was that somewhere in my brain, I have always had a voice of self-doubt when it comes to my weight. If you’ve grown up with a healthy relationship surrounding food, you might think I’m crazy for getting anxiety about Christmas cookies. But I know a LOT of readers, especially women, understand this anxiety about food around the holidays.

The little voice in my head started when I was in middle school, and it has never once stopped. I remember staring at myself in the mirror, pinching fat on my belly, sucking in, imagining what I’d look like “skinny” for hours on end. In my mind, I equated skinny to beautiful. While I’ve had periods of time where I thought my relationship with food was improving, social media made me hit a new low. In fact, while I love the idea of “body positivity,” a lot of influencers would post “body-positive” content that actually made me feel worse. Creators who were skinnier than I was would post that they “finally felt confident in their bodies,” and I would think, “so I need to look like that to be confident.” That’s not to say they weren’t allowed to be insecure, just that I was still comparing myself to them.

I constantly compare myself to others, be it my friends, my roommates, or people I see online. That constant anxiety about how I look or what I eat is compounded by the vast quantities of food I consume over the holidays. While I know how lucky I am to be able to eat a lot over the holidays, it doesn’t take away from my anxiety. We bake, we eat fancy meals, we drink lots of wine and champagne. And in the middle of all of this celebration, I am left feeling worthless, like I’ve just committed a cardinal sin by simply enjoying the holidays.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why won’t we let ourselves enjoy food? Food is not the enemy — your mind is. And while a lot of us know that our fear of food is irrational, it’s hard to accept that sometimes. Instead, we obsess over calories, over how long it takes to workout to “burn that cookie off.” Why do we do it?

I clearly am not the guru on body positive thinking, since I still have negative perceptions of myself and food constantly, but here are some things that have helped me in general and over the holidays.

• Know that your obsession over food is more unhealthy than the food itself. Sure, maybe not if we think about calories or nutritional value. But think about how much time and energy we put into obsessing about a certain food. It’s draining and mentally unhealthy. It’s what leads to eating disorders which are far more unhealthy than any food you’ll consume. If you crave a donut, eat a donut, and use that mental energy you were going to expend on the pros and cons of eating the donut on something more productive.
• Understand that you don’t have to look like social media influencers. Easier said than done, sure. But most influencers are editing their body to get that perfect hour-glass look. If they’re not, they might be getting plastic surgery. Think of all of the money influencers and celebrities have to spend on making themselves look “perfect.” Of course, no one is going to look like them if they don’t have those resources at their disposal. If you’re having trouble not comparing yourself to them, unfollow! Don’t make yourself stare at something or someone that will lower your feeling of self-worth.
• Remember that if we all ate and exercised the same, we’d still all look different. I remember reading that one time and being baffled at how true it was. We will never all look the same, because we ARE NOT the same. We are all unique humans, with different genetic makeups, different family histories, different places of origin. Of course we will not all look the same. Doing one workout routine for a “tiny waist” might not work because — surprise! — you’re built different than the person who made the workout. Don’t beat yourself up for things that are out of your control.
• Know that one of the joys in life is eating Christmas cookies. Life is short. I’m not sure when the human race started worrying about weight, but it is not the most important thing in life. When you’re on your death bed, you won’t be thinking about how many cookies you ate in the Christmas of 2022. Eat the cookie and go along with your life, because you’re beautiful either way.

I am still finding a way to love my body after all of these years of thinking it’s unloveable. But that’s one of the beautiful things about this blog. We can all begin this journey of self-love together, today, right now.