Summary

The article advocates for setting achievable goals, referred to as "shooting for the top of the stairs," rather than pursuing unrealistic dreams, or "shooting for the stars," to foster self-trust, confidence, and happiness through incremental progress.

Abstract

The author shares a personal journey from initially being inspired by self-help gurus like Tony Robbins to eventually becoming disillusioned with the idea of achieving grandiose dreams. After a period of drifting without goals and experiencing depression, the author found value in more realistic goal-setting strategies, influenced by Jordan Belfort's concept of feedback loops and Jordan B. Peterson's insights on happiness. The article emphasizes the importance of setting and achieving small, attainable goals to build a foundation of self-reliance and contentment, suggesting that a series of small successes is more effective in reaching one's aspirations than chasing after unattainable fantasies.

Opinions

The author initially believed in the power of setting big goals as promoted by self-help figures but later realized that these unrealistic goals led to disappointment and a loss of self-belief.
The article criticizes the self-help industry for selling the idea that failure is due to a lack of excitement or vision, rather than acknowledging that goals may be unrealistic.
The author suggests that the key to happiness is not in achieving monumental success but in making consistent progress through attainable goals, which builds self-trust and a sense of achievement.
The article endorses the idea that rewarding oneself for completing tasks reinforces positive behavior and makes the process of achieving goals more enjoyable.
The author promotes the concept that life's happiness lies in the journey of progress, not in reaching a final, perhaps unattainable, destination.

Don’t shoot for the stars

Stop wasting your life on impossible dreams

Shoot for the stars, that’s what they all say.

In 2004 I discovered Tony Robbins’ Personal Power 2 course. Something in that course gave me momentum and allowed me to drastically improve my life over the next couple of years. I became a self help junkie, attending the Landmark Forum and Advanced Course. I ploughed through books by Brian Tracy, Andrew Carnegie, Harv T, Ecker, John C. Maxwell, and countless others. I was shooting for the stars, and I was deluding myself. It took me a long time to disabuse myself of the notion that we can all make our wildest dreams come true. When I did, I found a much better way to go about improving my life.

I used to be a believer

One of the cornerstones of Tony’s coaching in Personal Power 2, was to set goals as if anything is possible. I did, and I got incredibly excited and fired up. But I never hit them. I fell short by a million pounds or so.

But I had faith. Faith does not require proof, it requires hope. And hope was plentiful. I hit a lot of my little goals, my life was improving. But with my eyes firmly set on the stars, I didn’t notice all of the good things I had. I was so disappointed at not having the dream life, that eventually I became despondent. Eventually I gave up on setting goals altogether.

I never quite got back to where I started. I did get worse; I got depressed and temporarily stopped believing that there was anything I could do to be happy and fulfilled.

My faith in goal setting had been shattered.

Life without goals

Have you ever met anybody who was happy to just drift along, indefinitely? I haven’t. After years of avidly setting and chasing crazy goals, I began drifting, but never happily.

All of my big goals began to seem like delusions. I’d hit plenty of little goals every year, but I never appreciated it. In fact, I never even noticed,I was too busy shooting for the stars.

Feedback loops, consistency, and other gems in the garbage.

Around 2010, I went to a seminar by Jordan Belfort, whose memoir The Wolf of Wall Street I’d just finished reading. Belfort talked about feedback loops. In the pantheon of self help hocus pocus, feedback loops are one of the few gems.

When you set a goal and hit it, you have positive feedback, which makes you feel good, and provides a solid foundation from which to set more goals.

When you set goals and fail to achieve them, you get negative feedback. That chips away at your self belief. Eventually it can inure you to failure.

A lot of the self help gurus will tell you that not hitting your goals is a result of not being excited and motivated enough. You failed not because your goals were too big, but because they were too small! You weren’t excited enough! Your vision was not inspiring enough!

Thats a great sales line. A little scrutiny suggests the gurus are selling you excitement, it’s a quick fix.

Goal setting that works

Along with feedback loops from Jordan Belfort, techniques and concepts I’ve gleaned from Jordan B. Peterson, Darren Hardy, my own cognitive behavioural therapy practitioner and others, have helped me put together a method of goal setting that works. I call it shooting for the top of the stairs.

Shoot for the top of the stairs

Not many people will ever get to outer space, but nearly everybody can climb a staircase. So forget the stars, for now. Shoot for the top of the stairs. Set simple goals, that you know you can achieve. When you achieve them, you will feel good. You will start to trust yourself, and you will be able to set new goals with renewed confidence. A succession of staircases will get you much closer to the stars than impossible delusions and fleeting motivation.

The more little goals you achieve, the better relationship you will build with yourself. You will become someone who is dependable, someone who is happy, and someone who is starting to achieve the things you always wanted to.

I know, because it’s happening to me.

Staircases, the secret to happiness.

Jordan B. Peterson talks about the importance of setting goals that you know you can achieve. He also has a lot to say on the nature of happiness. Happiness and goal setting go hand in hand.

Happiness eludes a lot of people, but it’s simple. If you continually set goals that you know you can achieve, you will become happier. Having nice things, doing only things you enjoy, never having to worry about money; none of those things will make you happy. The one thing that will make you happy is progress. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination.

If you can make your life move in the direction you want it to go, one staircase at a time, you will be happy. Stagnation and boredom will make you miserable. So will trying to reach the stars without using the stairs.

Get your cake, then eat it

Pick a single area of your life that you want to improve, or a project that you want to complete, and think of one thing you can do today to move in the right direction. For example, if you’re a writer struggling with a manuscript that has fallen by the wayside, you might set yourself the goal of writing just for an hour. If your first idea seems too ambitious, pick a simpler task, maybe just writing one page. As soon as you settle on a challenge you are sure you can complete, do it. Then set another challenge.

Borrowing once more from Jordan Peterson; you should reward yourself for completing the task. Set yourself a challenge, then decide how you will reward yourself for successfully completing it. Promise yourself a reward, and keep your promises. Have your cake and eat it. You’ll get a lot done, you’ll feel good about yourself, and you’ll have fun.

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