SATIRE HUMOUR | AN EDITOR’S RANT & NEW YEAR’S WISH
Don’t Piss Off the Editors
Stop wasting their time because you didn’t read the guidelines
Don’t hit submit — until it’s ready!
Trigger Warning: Some readers may be offended, but we’re trying to better the success of the writers by improving the quality of their submissions. Good stories empower this publication to be successful and keep the editors happy. Paying tribute to ALL editors who own publications on Medium who can relate to the featured message — feel free to rant here in the comments!
The Concept
The concept of Six Word Photo Story Challenge is simple — six words, one photo, maybe a 2-minute backstory, and it all needs to be connected. This genre would make reviewing submissions easy, right?
Not so much.
To blow off steam and to send some not-so-gentle reminders to writers, I’ve written this satirical piece about being an editor of this publication.
Here are some samples of issues between the editors and writers. Words in italics are the words that the editors REALLY want to say, but unfortunately, we can’t be rude. But — we can when it’s satire!
I hear my co-editor Sandi Parsons chuckling, “Insert evil laugh here.”
Six Words
Editor: Your story is three words. It needs to be six words. Please add three words to your story. (Did you not catch the name of our publication? Yes, I appreciate you can capture the meaning of your photo in only three words, but now I’ve written too many words to explain that your story needs to be six.)
Note to writers: It happens! Sometimes, we receive one, two, three, four, five, and seven+ word stories, and sometimes none.
Most are six.
Photographs
Editor: Your photo is (either) too small, low resolution, poor quality, may violate an artist’s copyright, NOT original (published elsewhere on Medium), contains people (other than the writer), or doesn’t connect to your story or meet the requirements or style of this publication. (Your photo — well, I can’t say it’s crappy — but I wonder, were you tipsy when you took the photo? Did you catch that this is a photography publication? We realize most submissions aren’t from professional photographers, but really? Did you look at your photo BEFORE you sent it to us? Or did you close your eyes and randomly point to one in your photo collection and announce — here’s the lucky winner!)
Note to writers: We receive photo submissions here that are either blurry, the size of my thumbnail (I have tiny thumbs!), questionable, boring, or don’t make sense. Some of these look like random shots that have no connection to the story, accidental pocket shots, or weird screenshots. WTF?
I acknowledge that I receive lots of clear, vibrant, brilliant, and creative photo submissions from many writers — thank you — you get a gold star for selecting quality photos.
Formatting
Now, onto formatting — my favorite topic to waste time explaining to people who don’t have a clue. If you’re a regular here, you know I’m a stickler for formatting, and thank you to those writers who consistently get it right — you get a big happy face sticker.
To those who have no clue, skim the guidelines, or couldn’t be bothered to read them, pay attention.
Why is formatting important to us? When a submission comes in properly formatted, this simplifies the process for editors. It acts like a checklist, so each story takes just a few seconds to scan — because we know exactly what to look for. This saves the editors’ time when we’re reviewing submissions.
(Those damn guidelines you’re rolling your eyeballs over — are detailed and long, but I still expect you to read and follow them. Once you publish your first story with us that’s properly formatted, use that story as a template for your next story — it’s not rocket science!”)
My co-editor, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles, who edits for several other Medium publications, says, “People are so allergic to submission guidelines!”
Editor: (Re: formatting guidelines) 1) Please correct your subtitle to meet formatting guidelines. 2) Please provide a photo credit beneath your photo. 3) Please move your photo ABOVE the title to meet formatting guidelines. 4) Please provide a title. 5) Please tag your story properly.
Then, the other guidelines people mess up on:
Editor: 1) Please edit your backstory down to 2 minutes, as all stories cannot exceed a 2-minute reading time. 2) People’s faces are NOT allowed in your photo unless they are of yourself — please replace your photo. 3) No Unsplash photos or stock photos — the point of this challenge is to draw inspiration from your own life from photos that you have taken yourself. 4) All photos must be taken by yourself — the only exception is if the photo is of YOU. If that’s the case, please provide the photo credit.
No people in photos rule
“No people in photos other than the author” rule: Some people get fired up about this rule and will try to slip in a “people photo.” Sometimes, we allow them (on a case-to-case basis) if faces are not shown, unrecognizable, or in the background, but for the most part — we don’t allow it.
But please, if it’s too devastating to risk a possible rejection of your article because of this rule, don’t submit it to us! Go ahead and self-publish it — this gives you complete freedom to publish as many people in your photos as you like. There are also many other publications that accept “people photos,” and that are way less strict than this pub. Please don’t shout at the editors because you think this rule stinks — because, yep — that action tends to piss off the editors.
Editing Hell
(“Editing hell” for me is when I see careless, repetitive errors. Remember — this is NOT rocket science. What this says to editors is that you’re rushing, don’t give a crap about formatting or rules, and are purposely defying the publication and its editors — BY NOT READING AND FOLLOWING THE GUIDELINES.)
Are you trying to entice editors to send multiple private note reminders because you like playing head games? Or do you have a secret crush on your editors and are just dying to communicate with us via private notes because we won’t give out our phone numbers?
I realize some of my stories run more than 2 minutes long, including this one — but this is so I can remind people of our guidelines, promote the publication, or rant. Plus, I created this pub and can do whatever the heck I want.
Apologies if this article offended anyone, but neglecting guidelines offended us –it’s payback. (Insert evil laugh here)
Review your submissions, before we do!
Yep, we receive stories that don’t meet formatting or submission guidelines. We get it, though — shit happens occasionally, and sometimes writers forget, but we can be very forgiving, try our best to be patient, and accommodate forgetfulness or obliviousness.
When our editors spend more than 6–10 minutes reviewing a maximum 2-minute story — this is excessive use of our time. We receive between 100 – 150+ submissions per month. We’re all volunteers working for free and are happy to publish your stories – but please do not waste our time because you didn’t bother to read the guidelines!
We beg you to please review your stories and our submission guidelines BEFORE you submit them to us because:
YOU DON’T WANT TO PISS OFF THE EDITORS.
Cuz when you do, it makes them crazy, and your story will be rejected. ASK ANY EDITOR of a publication what annoys them most about submissions. The answer will be, “writers who don’t read and follow submission guidelines!” Now, our pub is a short-form one, and I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for long-form pub editors when they see sloppy submissions in the queue.
On a dark note, I get to vent by writing a satirical piece. (Insert evil laugh here). You’re welcome — fellow editors! I got your back.
Seriously, your editors love running this pub and providing a happy place for publishing your six-word photo stories. Please keep us content by reading and following the submission guidelines.
Still can’t follow guidelines?
If you can’t follow guidelines, self-publish your stories —but don’t send them to us first! Self-publishing gives you complete freedom to do whatever you wish. That’s what I do if I don’t want to follow the guidelines in my own publication!
Happy Editing Zone
Believe it or not, I’m actually a nice, likable person (ask Sandi and Vidya to confirm this if you need proof) who is patient and respectful to writers, but I do have boundaries, editorial expectations, and a sarcastic sense of humor. Well, maybe sometimes I can be a sassy bitch — but we all have our off days, right? My co-editors are kinder than I am.
Please help me stay in the happy editing zone.
I make mistakes too, and I’ve messed up with other publications I’ve submitted to, but when I do, I do my best to proofread, double-check formatting, and review their submission guidelines BEFORE I submit to them again — no matter how much time has passed since I last submitted to them. If my story gets declined for whatever reason, I thank the editors for their time, acknowledge the reason (if any), and move on.
I won’t freak out if you make occasional errors; if you have questions, I’m happy to help. But please don’t make our relationship become a dull affair of passing each other private notes where there are no titillating benefits to either party.
My co-editors are amazing and wonderful to work with. Please respect their time and editing efforts.
Remember, the success of writers is contingent on how they present their images and words. Do they want to thrive or fail? If writers devote a few minutes to making sure that their submission is consistent with the guidelines (of any publication), they will meet with more success.
Lastly, here are our infamous submission guidelines. Don’t make me ask again.
Sincerely,
Your SWPSC editing team, Mary Chang Story Writer, Sandi Parsons, and Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles
END OF MY EDITOR’S RANT. Please don’t make me write another one. Let’s start off with fresh, positive energy for 2024!
PS. For those writers who keep us in the “editing happy zone,” thank you from the bottom of our hearts, and keep up the fabulous work! For those writers who frequently forget about the fine details, please do your best to better your submissions. We believe in you!
About the writer
Mary Chang is a writer, creator, and editor of the Six Word Photo Story Challenge publication. She’s also a parent and fitness enthusiast who loves creating monthly challenges. Check out Mary’s series, The Fun & Funny Fitness Bitch!, which is about her fitness adventures and experiences over the past few years. Find all stories in the series to date here.
