Summary

AliciaMarie Belchak reflects on her life, expressing her one regret of not taking time to heal after personal losses, advising her younger self and others to avoid panic and take time to grieve and reassess life's direction.

Abstract

In a personal essay, AliciaMarie Belchak shares her profound regret of rushing into life's demands without allowing herself time to mourn her mother's death and the loss of her job. She emphasizes the importance of pressing pause, breathing, and finding peace and purpose after such pivotal moments. Belchak reveals that her immediate reaction to these life-changing events led to a decade of struggle, which she now believes could have been mitigated by strategic thinking and a period of self-reflection. Her advice to her younger self, encapsulated in two words, "Don't panic," is a lesson she wishes she had heeded to avoid years of tumultuous living. The essay serves as a cautionary tale against reacting hastily in the face of adversity and underscores the value of taking time to navigate grief and change thoughtfully.

Opinions

Belchak believes that her hasty actions following personal losses were detrimental, leading to a prolonged period of instability.
She suggests that taking time to grieve and redefine one's role in the world is crucial after significant life events.
Belchak regrets not recognizing the importance of emotional recovery before engaging in the responsibilities of adult life, such as taking on a new job or managing family life.
She acknowledges that her life would have been different if she had paused to strategize and breathe before making significant life decisions.
Belchak's experience has led her to advocate for a strategic approach to life's challenges, emphasizing that immediate action is not always necessary for a positive outcome.
She reflects on the intertwined consequences of not allowing herself time to heal, which still affect her life.
Despite the challenges, Belchak remains optimistic about her future, believing she will eventually soar again after a period of recovery and growth.
Her essay encourages readers to consider what advice they would give to their younger selves, inviting them to engage in a conversation about personal growth and life lessons.

Personal Advice | In Retrospect | Writer’s Prompt

Don’t Panic

My life’s one regret. Here’s the advice I wish I had been given.

Note: Originally written August 2015. Published here for the first time with minor edits & author’s updates.

Photo by Clark Van Der Beken on Unsplash.

Don’t panic.

Those are the two words that I would respond in answer to the question:

“If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in two words?”

Why “Don’t Panic?”

Now that’s a long story.

I don’t have too many regrets in life (I try not to create them), but I do have one BIG one. I would love to go back to my 25-year-old newly-wed self and stop myself from going into panic mode after mom died and I lost my job (practically the same week).

I wish I had been told by someone older and wiser and respected to STOP! Just don’t do anything! Breathe. Grieve. Don’t worry. You’ll be OK. Get your head on straight and yourself figured out before going forward with your life. Take time to feel fully, deal totally, find peace and purpose before continuing.

You don’t need the money. You don’t need a job. You don’t need a flurry of activity and anxiety. You need TIME. You need space. You need to redefine your role in the world and your relationship to it.

You are motherless and she was the wind beneath your wings. Your wings are not broken but you need to finish the freefall before you can ever soar again.

I wish I had been given that insight and taken a different path. Instead, I was all buzz and frantic furry — deeply fearful of the future…and so very, very lost for many, many years!

Instead of a honeymoon period after our wedding, we were launched into a crazed-and-little-understood emotional roller coaster and a seemingly endless, lightning-fast hamster wheel that we just couldn’t keep up with no matter how fast or long or breathless we kept running in life. In fact, all the running in order to cope and juggle probably just made things spin faster. It just seemed so impossible to jump off and get relief!!!

**“I can’t do this but I’m doing it anyway.”** (Image uploaded to Pinterest by Grace Lloyd.)

There are so many intertwined consequences of this one period of time that still haunt us today, and it has been a LONG journey of quasi-recovery to get where we are today. Longer than necessary, in my opinion, if I had but pressed the pause button for a bit before seeking and taking a new job or trying to deal with any of regular “adult” life.

Instead, I dove in head first only to realize too late that the waters of life were far too deep and my strength too frail to easily come back up for air. And no amount of frantic dog-paddling would ever change that! I failed to learn how to swim first or find where the deep end was…and instead I was swallowed up and nearly drowned.

So, don’t panic.

Think strategic. Breathe before launching. It will all turn out OK in the long run. And action isn’t even always necessary for a good or desired outcome!

If I could do one thing over, I would make this one change in my life at this one critical time. Perhaps then, I would have learned how to be a “grown up” version of me in the brave new world of married, motherless independence before piling on jobs and kids and all the other stuff that naturally follows!

Life management was not something I naturally acquired nor really ever fully developed. (I’m just really good at fooling everyone!) More like life action-reaction!

Between dealing with myself and my hubby’s ADD along with life’s natural ups and downs, we’ve been lucky just to manage gasps of air before sinking back into deep dive again. Our experience of life has been more like a series of panic points and disasters punctuated by high-points and recovery attempts over the last decade and half.

(Author’s update: It’s now been two decades of life together. And hubby’s ADD has since been rediagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).)

Only really in the last three years or so have I been able to start to feel my feet under me again and start to get a new kind of grip on my trajectory. And now that I have, I face a long, still-up-hill battle to undo the mess and claw my way back to where I am soaring again.

Even though it hurt so, so, so badly at the time, my wings were not and are still not broken. But they have been badly bruised by all the myriad bumps and frantic flapping to stay afloat on the long and protracted way down! A shorter and intense freefall may have been the better route to recovery after all…if I had just allowed it to happen. Oh, to have really landed before finding a Phoenix-like re-launch!

I would guess that I probably have another decade of spring-boarding ahead of me before I’m really back into my prime — and I’m sort of OK with that… well, sometimes. When I’m not busy being frustrated and maddened by it. 😜 I have always had big plans and bigger dreams, so watch for phenomenally great things from me once I hit my 50’s!!

And in the meantime, I am consciously and constantly reminding myself of the first rule of the universe: Don’t panic.

***And carry a towel.*** 😄 **You’re a super cool frood if you know what I mean.** (Image from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” uploaded by Marley TBS on “Know Your Meme.”)

And yes, I always carry a towel.

Your Friendly Guide & Fellow Hitchhiker on the Journey of Life, AliciaMarie Belchak Life Mastery Consultant & Dream Builder Coach www.aliciamariebelchak.com

NOTE: Originally written August 2015. Published 2022 on Medium with minor edits & author’s updates. And of course, a new Medium sign off. 😍

Visit my website for more free resources to navigate tough terrains, master life, build dreams and leave a legacy. 🌻

Call & Response: Join the Conversation

What would you tell your younger self? What advice do you wish you had been given? If you feel so inspired, I invite you to write your own response on this topic. When you write a piece and post it on your Medium blog page, tag me (@alicimarie.belchak) in it as your writer’s prompt — so I can be sure read it and respond as well. I would love to know your answer:

“If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in two words?”

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash.

Special Thanks

A special thanks and shout out to Ellie Jacobson at Flint And Steel for being the inspiration for publishing this long unpublished account — as an entry for the writing challenge contest.

If you, Dear Reader, haven’t followed Flint And Steel publication, be sure to do so to read fantastic writers responding to a slew of amazing writing prompts — or to find some of your own inspiration for writing in response to Ellie’s prompts and the community of editors she corrals in her newsletters. 😄

And feel free to tag Flint And Steel in your response to the Call & Response above if you answer the question posed by this piece. Thanks!