Weird but funny

Don’t name your dick…

A heartfelt poem for all the lovers

When you name your dick

It gives me the ick,

It's not a torpedo

or the barrel of a tank.

It’s not Little Peter or the purple piccolo,

A meat stick or your truncheon

You want me to blow.

Crown Jewels sounds vain —

I won’t warn you again

Term it meat and two veg… and I’ll jump off the ledge

“Feast on that!” You may say,

But I’ll push it away.

Rod, baton or plonker -

Those names drive me bonkers.

But I’ll give you a tug

If you chew on my rug —

Rock my man in a boat

And I’ll try to deep throat.

Soixante-neuf can be fun …

When all’s said and done,

What’s sauce for the goose

Is when the gander’s got juice

The one thing a fella can do that will turn me off worse than naming his genitals something pompous or creepy, would be doing a little naked dance to make the prickly parts jiggle and flop. Nope, no way, nada, forget approaching my kitty with his disco stick after that. I’m out of there — re-fastening my clothes and calling an Uber.

Written for short & weird but its feast theme was requested by Redemption magazine & my opening lines were inspired by a comment I left on this spicy story by Sonja Glucksberg