Don’t Let IVF Destroy Your Life at 40 (Do This Instead)
Practical solutions doctors don’t tell you about
You know, it’s funny. I spent my entire single life trying to prevent getting knocked up, and now it’s the one thing I wish I had. Life is ironic that way.
I had a whole plan. I was going to graduate from college, gain career experience, get married at 28, and start having babies at 30. It didn’t happen that way.
Try, I graduated from college, gained career experience, dated douche bags until I was 39, got married at 40, started trying at 40.5, and 4 years later, here I am still with NO baby. When I got married, I didn’t worry about fertility issues because, a) there were no fertility issues on either side of my family, and b) I believed that IVF (invitro-fertilization) would definitely get me pregnant.
I remember calling the fertility clinic before we started ‘trying’, to get a head start on my ‘Plan B’, just in case. They turned me away because they wouldn’t even see me until we had tried naturally for 1 year. Six months of unprotected sex later, I called back and lied we had been trying for a year to make my first consultation appointment.
At the appointment, the doctor gave me all the stats, drew diagrams, recommended IVF, and of course, took payment. She explained that IVF is a fertility treatment that takes a woman’s eggs and a man’s sperm and fertilizes them in a lab to create embryos which they then transfer into the uterus to increase the chances of pregnancy. We decided to move forward with IVF because it was the most aggressive treatment for a 40-year old.
My expectations going into this were not realistic.
The first round of treatment cost us about $15,000 and we paid an additional $4,000 to have our embryos genetically tested. My husband and I were both tested and evaluated but they found no issues with either one of us. The doctor attributed our infertility to my age. At that point, there was no guarantee we would even get any embryos.
My doctor needed to ‘clear the way’ for any potential obstacles to the treatment. So she removed a small benign polyp that was in my uterus. It was done while I was under anesthesia.
Following that, she put me on Follistim, Menopur, and a couple of other fertility medications for about 12 days. I administered the injections myself at home which started from 2 shots per day and increased to 5 per day towards the end of the treatment period. The medications are given to produce a higher number of eggs than normal so there’s a higher chance of getting viable embryos. There was 1 last shot I took 36 hours before my scheduled egg retrieval which triggers ovulation.
They were only able to retrieve 2 eggs that survived after being fertilized but were tested and found to have genetic abnormalities, so there was no reason to transfer them.
During the 2nd cycle, I went through all the same steps except this time the doctor suggested we stop mid-cycle because I was not responding to the medications and she could already tell there would be no eggs to retrieve. For that reason, she only charged us $6,000.
After this, I discovered there was medical insurance that covered infertility treatments in my state. Despite having insurance, we wound up having to spend between $8,000 to $12,000 every year to meet the copay requirements for the next 7 cycles.
I responded much better to the next cycles having the new doctors adjust my medication protocol. I produced between 3 to 7 eggs each cycle. The embryologist examines the embryos and grades their quality based on morphology and cell division. We were hopeful each time, but we particularly became excited during the second to the last cycle because the embryologist said that 3 of our embryos looked beautiful, meaning they had a higher chance of implanting so I could become pregnant.
To our disappointment, my pregnancy results of these viable embryos came back negative.
After my 9th cycle, I decided to end all the treatments. It was just too much. We had put everything we had into it and got nothing out of it but debt and disheartenment. My expectations going into this were not realistic. I placed way too much hope on IVF as if that would be our ‘be-all-end-all’ to having a kid. I was so wrong.
Going through infertility treatments is very difficult on many different levels. It takes a toll on your finances, relationship, emotional and mental states, and your body because of the abnormal amount of hormones that you’re pumping into it. My intent in writing this article is not to be negative about this treatment, but to be completely honest with you so your expectations are realistic before you start your own treatment.
IVF is very effective for women in their 30’s. From my fertility support group to this day there is only 1 woman in her 30’s out of a group of 15 women whose fertility treatments did not ultimately give her a baby. Some even have healthy twins now. After 40, it’s a different story.
I know it has worked for women 40 and over but the likelihood is much less. I had one doctor tell me my chances are almost the same as if I continued to try naturally. The National Conference of State Legislatures states that only a few states are mandated to provide fertility coverage or offer it in their medical insurance. Had I not had insurance, my 9 cycles would’ve easily cost us upwards of $140,000. Was it worth it in the end? We have no baby. But, I know I would not have felt at peace if I had not at least attempted IVF. However, in retrospect, 9 cycles were not necessary.
I want to leave you with some helpful advice. If you are in your 30’s, I would strongly recommend freezing and banking your eggs. After you have banked for 1 year, then start the IVF process. This way you’ll be able to capture your ‘good eggs’ in your younger years preventing the main cause of infertility after 40; declination of egg quality.
If you’re 40 and over and have not frozen your eggs, try as many cycles as you feel comfortable with including ‘Mini IVF. The The National Center for Biotechnology Information published a medical journal that explains why it has been established that Mini IVF can be more effective in women over 40. Through Mini IVF, the stimulation for egg production is much more passive. Rather than administering several of the conventional and aggressive IVF injections, the patient only takes mild doses of Clomid. The idea is to get better quality eggs than quantity. Mini IVF will yield 1–2 eggs at a time versus conventional IVF which aims to produce 4 times of that or more; but they will be better quality.
My best advice is don’t sacrifice your financial, emotional, physical, and relational well-being for IVF. That’s a huge mistake. If IVF doesn’t work out, look into other options like using an egg donor or adoption.
Best of luck!
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