Don’t Let Hate Shape Who You Are
A lifetime of hate is a lifetime of stagnation.
Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but has not solved one yet. — Maya Angelou
Ideally, I’d rather worry about which flavor of ice cream to order, which bill to pay first, or where my other sock is hiding than to be arrested for breathing, shot by, well anyone with an agenda, or accosted by a “white savior wannabe” trying to rid their world of inconvenience.
The profound impact hate has on those who experience it on the regular is simply a byproduct of the relentless adherence to said emotion by those who choose to weaponize it.
Unless addressed, hate not only messes with those who internalize it, but the effects on other people can also be negative and even destructive. Allowing this extremely harmful emotion to spread with impunity; poisoning your soul and contaminating your spirit is a guarantee that living out your days will be marred by a shattered sense of self.
On the flip side; deriving from fear, hate often stretches the boundaries of intense animosity, clouding one’s judgment and better sense and mushrooming into ugly behavior such as violent crime or other harmful actions. Succumbing to the lure of hate can also be ruinous if allowed to fester within the hater long enough.
Holding onto such intense emotional fervor is unavailing — the effects of it can cause irreparable damage to one’s mind and body. Either way you slice it, embracing hate is not conducive to a healthy existence.
Internalizing the perpetrator
Not a day goes by without the constant reminder that our country is engaged in a racist free-for-all. If the physical exhaustion is not enough to keep the Black community from living our lives trauma-free then it’s our mental health that takes a hit from having to navigate a landscape of white supremacy.
The impact racism has on Black mental health is a real thing despite what many in the majority believe or choose to ignore. The effect constant discrimination has on a community that historically has been marginalized carries immeasurable weight. Today with the added pressure of living in a pandemic, economic uncertainty, and reignited assaults on racist structures, now more than ever, attention to the well-being of those in the Black community needs to be front and center.
In America’s racial reckoning is putting a spotlight on Black mental health, Doha Madani looks at how Black people have been disproportionately affected by the pandemic, and with a parallel “racial pandemic” now wreaking havoc, an economic standstill, and increased racial inequities, stress only adds to the instability of Black mental health.
Living in an oppressive society does more than take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. The overwhelming sense of worthlessness attributed to being the recipient of calculated hatred can cause long-lasting low self-esteem, a false sense of self, and the never-ending pursuit of unattainable validation from those who have no respect for who you are.
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. — Kurt Vonnegut
A lifetime of being viewed as dispensable by a majority can negatively influence the psyche of the underrepresented. The system that, on the surface, seemingly provides opportunities for a prosperous life is the same system that has oppressed and targeted racial groups throughout history.
Being referred to as a thug, seeing members of your community sprawled out on the pavement surrounded by police, or being accosted by “do-gooders” trying to keep you from existing is all part of what many of us commonly experience. These harmful experiences are routinely pounded into our psyche each day destroying any sense of self-preservation.
Carrying a burden of prolonged objectification by a familiar environment can also erode one’s confidence casting doubt on our ability to effectively maintain inner strength. The hate by others often attaches itself undeterred leaving an unsavory impression of not only ourselves but of the world around us.
How much more do we have to take?
This all leads to our having uncertainty about the future. What opportunities will present themselves, if any at all? It seems as if the times we are living in are a continuous battle for survival, to be viewed as relevant — to matter. It’s important to influence how you perceive yourself. Are you providing unnecessary oxygen to your own unhealthy psychological imprisonment?
What am I doing this for? I admit I have asked myself this many times.
What is the purpose of having a positive outlook when you are portrayed as useless or expendable? Over time you might start to believe the lie.
Do these thoughts take root? Sometimes, but like you, I respect my life and hope others share in my personal evaluation, though I’m confident the feeling is not mutual.
At the end of the day, you have to have the wherewithal to want to live, to be more than how others perceive you — to escape the mental cage many want to keep you locked in. You have the choice to tap into your resolve, and use this confidence to maintain your independence and your right to be respected. The opinions of others should not define how you live your life. Actions by those who wish you harm, of course, is another matter altogether. This is when careful consideration of how you react comes into play.
Knowing your worth is key in establishing your path forward.
When hate is your “boo”
If you are living with hate as your guiding light you have to wonder if such a misguided outlook is worth the exhausting devotion you give it, especially at the expense of your own mental freedom.
A festering disease that infects every fiber of your being — without the ability to come up for air is what it must be like to be consumed by hate. It’s a lot of work to look at the world through this lens. Offering your unquestionable allegiance to an emotion that indiscriminately infects others for being different.
Connected to every ounce of your behavior, hate affects your perspective on life as well, how you go about things, where you see yourself, and of course who you interact with. Think of the many opportunities you exclude from your life because of your unwillingness to embrace the unfamiliar or what makes you feel uncomfortable. These are the opportunities that develop character not constrain its growth. Unfortunately, many who subscribe to a doctrine of hatred are oblivious to the long-term damage it can do.
Whenever we are blasted with the visuals and hate speech of right-wing extremist groups hell-bent on injecting their venom, it’s difficult to empathize with how they might have been indoctrinated into a world of pure evil. All we see is the hate they spew, how it affects innocent people, and the viciousness it causes. The more engaged they are the more they seem determined to rid themselves of the targets of their fury; whether physically, socially, or mentally.
Without the benefit of empathy, an open mind, and an understanding of those who are different, a tainted view of the world can be your raison d’être.
Hate is a terrible thing. It’s a wasteful, stupid emotion. You can hate someone with all your heart, but it’ll never do them a bit of harm. The only person it hurts is you. You can spend your days hating, letting it eat away at you, and the person you hate will go on living just the same. So, what’s the point? — Stuart Neville
In Understanding Hate, Marianna Pogosyan Ph.D. explores how having contempt for someone is different from hating them, but how both share similar DNA in their destructive nature. Because hate can build over time it is often the case that unfounded stereotypes, traumatic experiences, and a lack of exposure to other cultures, are the genesis of keeping those who are different, from benefiting from the same rights as people who hate.
When I think of the negative energy generated by hate; the investment in such intense emotion, admittedly I fail to grasp the allure. Perhaps I’m at a disadvantage in that I have never felt that passionately about something in my life — certainly not as how it relates to wanting to harm someone. Sure, there are many things that make my soul dance but none that define who I am. I’m not driven by hateful emotion and how it directly affects the lives of people.
I get no pleasure in this.
Like any cause-driven person, the same can be said for those who rely on hate as their core dependence. Steeped in a noxious ideology of societal separation and aversion to people who don’t resemble an idea of what a human should be, the internal poison of hatred does more than eat away at your soul, it can shape your being.
No doubt, a heavy burden to carry throughout life.
We live in a society where it’s the norm to not value people of different races. We normalize the idea of hating a group of people rather than disliking the character of an individual. The amount of toxic energy needed to hate someone of different skin color (and background) is counterproductive when you think about how easy it is to simply view them through a lens of compassion.
Society makes it easy for us to turn to social media, TV, or even a casual conversation where hate is pervasive. In order to eradicate hate from your life, some introspection needs to be done. Dedication to the improvement of one’s self-reflective journey is a step forward in building empathy and compassion for others.
Final thought
Internalizing the consistent hate from others can affect the perception of self, causing insecurity and self-loathing. The hate many have for people not like them can rent space in the core of who they are, leaving no room for empathetic growth. Either way, hate can be all-consuming.
There is absolutely no intrinsic value in wading in a pool of misery or hate. Is getting satisfaction from oppressing people of a different race a result of an inability to accept the unfamiliar, or is it a need to control a deep-rooted fear?
Does this type of hurtful interaction give your life purpose? What is the benefit?
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. — Yoda
My distaste for life’s less than ideal proclivities I try to keep in check, and by default, I look to inject positivity into my life and the lives of those around me. Sadly, not everyone shares in this approach as there are many people who choose to subject others to their venomous hatred which is, regrettably, a cross the rest of us must bear.
Black trauma is trending these days and allowing yourself to feel worthless because of how others perceive you can have a profound influence on your mental health. If unchecked, it can certainly leave little hope for self-acceptance. Having been someone who has succumbed to self-doubt due to racial discrimination, the anguish incurred can further cloud the ability to identify that inner strength needed to move forward.
Hating someone of a different race is not the same as hating the vegetable choice that came with your entrée. You’re most likely not concerned about doing harm to that pile of sautéed spinach or wanting to ostracize those broccoli florets because they don’t resemble cauliflower. If you do, perhaps there is more to your internal struggle with vitamins and nutrients than you care to admit to.
Fortunately, I do not have the capacity to view someone of a different race as an enemy or less than myself. I am conditioned only to see them for who they are — individuals who deserve the same respect and opportunity as I do. Typically, I check hate at the door and reserve it for where it belongs… in the dictionary.
Thank you for reading!
Follow me on Twitter: @gcorreiawrites