A Taste for Life | Self Improvement | Life Lessons | Inspirations | Life

Don’t Hold My Hands… Walk With Me Consciously, Patiently…

A path leading to the most expensive mirror one could own…

The Civil War Within Myself…

I am not very good at drawing. No, this isn’t a fact that I figured out myself. It was labeled by others. It happened a long time ago when I was at a tender age, and just like magic, it stuck with me like it was a part of me.

Is this bad or good? I don’t label it as bad or good. I think of it as a journey of an anthropologist. Keep on digging, keep on finding, and through those findings, something amazing is found.

Amazing doesn’t have to be an ‘aha’ moment. It could be “amazing” because I found it. My introduction to parts of me that I wasn’t consciously admitting was there with me.

“Living in this manner-continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you-is a fine art, in and of itself.”

(Elizabeth Gilbert, “Big Magic”)

I read it, and within five seconds or so, I fell in love with it! It worked like a beautiful Brooklyn Bridge… I could walk, look at surroundings, in any weather, and know that I am moving, transported from one moment to another, and nothing else matters…

My First Jewel… “Stand On Your Circle, and Learn!”

Pak Kasur, translated in English literally: Mr. Mattress, was my first preschool teacher. He was the Muse of my passion as an educator. His mantra, “Stand in your circle and learn!”… Brilliantly saying, “ Learn in life,” as life, we come to realize, is a circle.

Through him, I could tell my parents, at the age of four, “I want to be a teacher.”

And here I am, 52 years old… I am a learner, an educator, a coach, a writer, a reader, a dancer, a musician, a performer, and many other “a…”.

Life is my teacher as I am teaching others, and others are teaching me.

My Second Jewel… “The Promise 13”

My Mom had told me that physical beauty wasn’t my strength. Being told this since the age of eight wasn’t hurtful because my ego didn’t process it as such at that age. It was more like a fact, something I had to live with.

When I was twelve, my ego was no longer processing it as a fact only. My emotions started to visit. Sadness and confusion came to my ego, and wanted to be a part of the process. After a while, they became best friends.

At thirteen, I underwent surgery to remove a cyst in my left ovary. I said goodbye to my left ovary. We didn’t know until I was sixteen when I visited another gynecologist due to the same pain.

Mom was surprised and disappointed with the news. She said, “You may not be able to bear children, so it’s unlikely for someone to marry you. Plus, you are ugly. So, study hard and don’t depend on anyone, and be a nice person.” A well-intended “song” from my Mom.

That was the background of Promise 13, a promise I made to myself at the age of thirteen that I wouldn’t marry anyone and wouldn’t have children on my own.

Promise 13 was the second jewel, not because of the content but because of the intention. The courage to accept what’s given to me, not with sulky nor pity, but rather with self-empowerment.

With it, I discovered my strength: loving wholeheartedly. I prefer to take risks in love rather than calculating them.

Not marrying someone doesn’t prevent me from building a life with someone. Not having my own children doesn’t mean being unable to hug, kiss, care for, and nurture many.

One of my favorite songs, “ I started A Joke,”… indeed started with living, and in it, there would be many moments where my stubbornness digging my jewels brought precious “jokes.”

My Third Jewel… Precious Unexpected Moments…

Started on February 2021. Unexpected as I wasn’t thinking of a new expedition.

One day, on a gorgeous sunny day, I went to take a walk, and pain hit me. I had that pain before, so I wasn’t too concerned about it. Just gotta go home and get some rest, I thought.

Nope! This one needed much more attention!

I can’t write the entire experience here because they are personal. I don’t want to share them abundantly, at least not yet.

This journey of pain and health disturbance went on until November 2022. I can say I am much better now.

During that journey of ups and downs in my health, I discovered two strengths within myself: faith and adaptability to find balance in life. I was stubborn and persistent in finding help using my faith in the goodness of God and the Universe. And through the process, I am adjusting to find a balance between what I need and want.

And losing my Dad in June last year led me to another strength within me. I love stability, but I am a nomad and a risk-taker. I have been doing so throughout my life; however, I haven’t been brave to see it.

“The Most Expensive Mirror”… Still Not Yet…

Unknowingly, this journey brought me to a beautiful “antique” store, where the most expensive and beautiful mirror was stored and waiting for me.

The mirror of “who I am.” This mirror will always be “not yet.” It’s hard for me to imagine that I can see my whole self in the mirror because the archeologist in me will keep finding new expeditions.

Who I was, who I am, and who I am not yet… they are fine arts in and of themselves.

Jason Edmunds, I love this challenge! I will keep doing it because I am discovering one jewel within me while doing so…

I am doubtful of my thoughts!

The next jewel I aim to discover… Do I need to trust myself more?… Hmm!!

This article's companion is “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. Love, love, love this book!

“Living in this manner-continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you-is a fine art, in and of itself.”

(Elizabeth Gilbert, “Big Magic”)