Don’t Hate Yourself When No One Loves Your Story

Summary

The article discusses the challenges of writing, emphasizing that it is not a transactional process where immediate approval or feedback is guaranteed.

Abstract

The author of the article, who struggles with the need for approval, likens writing to an unsatisfying experience akin to a vending machine that doesn't dispense treats in exchange for coins. Instead, writers invest their words and effort without the certainty of receiving acknowledgment, fans, or reads. The piece reflects on the feeling of invisibility that writers often experience, comparing it to children seeking attention from preoccupied adults. Despite the insecurity and self-doubt that come with waiting for validation, the author suggests that persistently investing in one's writing, rather than succumbing to self-loathing, may eventually lead to recognition and satisfaction.

Opinions

Writing is not a straightforward exchange where effort immediately results in rewards or recognition.
The desire for approval can be likened to an incurable affliction, akin to "brain herpes," which can cause significant distress when it flares up.
The lack of engagement from readers, such as claps, responses, or reads, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and question the impact of one's work.
Writers often feel unseen and unheard, similar to children vying for the attention of adults who are otherwise engaged.
Moments of recognition, though rare, are cherished and can provide a sense of validation, however temporary.
The author suggests that consistent effort in writing, rather than dwelling on insecurities, is key to overcoming the sense of invisibility and potentially achieving success.

Writing is not a vending machine

I don’t want to depress anyone, but writing is nothing like a vending machine. You don't get to slide words into a coin slot, and a bag of chips comes out. Wouldn't that be nice, though? Words for chips? I pick a hint of lime Tostitos. Hello!

I struggle with the affliction of craving approval. Ever heard of that illness? It’s a doozy. No cure. It’s like brain herpes. It’s not always flaring up, but man, when it does! Yowza.

Do you have it too? That not-so-fresh feeling that comes from people not clapping, not responding, and not even reading. What does a 33% read feel like to your beautiful throbbing heart? How does 78 reads, but only two fans, affect your ego?

You know what writing sometimes feels like? “WRITERS CAN BE SEEN BUT NOT HEARD.” Remember that? Obviously, I’ve substituted a word, but the result is the same. We, writers, are like those little children, trying to get the attention of our parents. Our parents are like the readers, who are living it up with their drunken colleagues, neighbors, and friends, unaware we’re even in the room. Like Yoda would say, “Invisible, we are.”

There we are, waving. “HELLO? Does anyone want to tuck me in?” On a good day, a slurring adult will gesture for us to come to sit near them. Maybe they’re bored. Maybe their hearing aid isn’t working and they know you’re a loud kid.

“Hey, you’re adorable!” They might yell slur. “Come here. Tell me about global warming!”

Wondering what people think about your work is like money in the insecurity bank. If self-doubt were gold bricks, we’d all have broken toes and live in Beyonce’s kingdom.

Writing may not be a vending machine, but I do believe, if I keep putting words in the bank instead of depositing self-loathing, I might be closer to paying for that bag of chips.

Writer Self Care

Don’t Hate Yourself When No One Loves Your Story

Writing is not a vending machine