Writing Advice

Dear Medium Writers, Keep Submitting

How to not give up

I’m only human Of flesh and blood I’m made Human Born to make mistakes(Human League)

A submission rejection is like a love rejection. You put yourself out there and someone says, “Sorry, babe. You’re not my type.” Some publications will tell you that you broke rule 2 and rule 5. Some tell you to please keep trying. Some tell you that it’s not the kind of piece they publish, but it all feels the same. A punch in the gut. Like a wounded lover, you click over to their publication to see what you did wrong, to see which part of you isn’t enough.

The next weird unhealthy thing you do, when you’re rejected, is read other people’s writing. It’s healthy if you’re trying to get to know the publication better and learn from others. It’s unhealthy if you’re doing it just to tear other writers down. “They published that!?” It’s like love. “Her?!” You rip into those people that they picked instead of you. “My piece is better than that!” You compare yourself to the chosen ones. I get it. We’re only human.

So, what’s next? Do you totally change to become someone's type or do you figure out who you are and what you’re looking for? In love and writing, you can always know yourself better. If you try to become someone else, you’re starting at square one and you’ll never catch up with someone who is being true to themself. So, instead of banging on that old door, go West, young writer.

Looking for a new publication is like looking for a new partner. You’re nervous. You’re excited. You’re afraid they’ll find out that you’re far from perfect. You’re afraid that they won’t find your flaws charming, but run the other direction.

Sometimes, I get so excited when I submit to a new publication, that I don’t edit carefully. I put my whole self out there, but I try to kick the door in, instead of turning the door handle. When I am comfortable with a publication, unintimidated by it, I read my work thoroughly. I take the time to work out the kinks, hear the sound of the piece, let the work show itself to me. My inner editor screens for clarity, humor, surprise, chronology, sequence, and authority. I feel like I am writing a letter to an old friend. Hello, here is something that I wrote. I hope you enjoy it.

When I am submitting to a new publication, I get jumpy. ‘Look at me!’ I scream. ‘Am I great or what?’ My desperation for new love makes my brain swell and heart race. This makes my inner editor less reliable. Let’s call my inner editor Pam. With new Publications, Pam is overly anxious. She doesn’t check herself in the mirror before she leaves the house. Her skirt is stuck in her stockings. There’s lipstick on her teeth. She drinks three too many cups of coffee and is sweating. Why did she wear silk? Not great for sweat. She interrupts a lot. She’s a hot mess.

So, the question is, how do I manage Pam when she’s excited? How do any of us deal with our anxiety around taking new risks? How do you edit when you've lost perspective? It’s just a new publication. It’s not life or death, Pam. I read yesterday that one out of three Americans has anxiety disorders. When I told my husband, he said, “Disorders. That means the other two out of three have anxiety, so basically everyone.” The only reason that I mention this is because I know I am not alone. Writers take enormous emotional risks putting ourselves out there, and we’re already anxious.

Anxiety isn’t a great wingman for editing. So, how do you calm down when you’re taking a new risk? Slow down. Put the situation in perspective. The new publications aren’t more important or scarier than the old ones. They’re just other publications. Other writers might be intimidated by the publication you’re already publishing in. The most important thing isn’t how important you are at any given moment. It is whether or not you are putting yourself out there all. If you are writing and submitting, you’re already winning. If you’re editing, you’re solid gold.

So, what do you do, when you put yourself out there and someone says, “Nope”?When someone rejects your story, it’s time to revisit it. But not right away. Wait a few days. Let it heal. If you are like me, you probably sent it out too early because you were excited, or you had to go to work, or homeschool your kids. You decided it was time to send it into the world. Or you were pumped about publishing in a new place, but you didn’t thoroughly research the kind of work that they publish.

Make sure your work is ready and you’re not sending it to the wrong party. Make sure it’s been Grammarlied. Does it make sense? Did you learn anything by writing it? If you’ve done that, set it free. You can’t control the outcome, only your effort. You’ve done your part. If you’re submitting to the wrong places, time to find the right ones. You can ask other writers who have similar work to yours what other places they are submitting. You can google. You can become more intimate with Medium. There’s is always room for growth.

Congratulations. You got rejected and you're still here. With this shiny new rejection, you have something to edit, which means you don’t have to come up with a new idea today. Rome was not built in a day. Neither was your writer’s voice. Good luck, and enjoy the journey, which most writers have discovered is indeed the only destination that matters.