Don’t Hang In — Get the Hell Out

There are times when you just have to exit an untenable situation. That may be true in everything from a relationship to a work context.

I know. We have to hang in there because the job market is volatile. Resilience is a good thing to learn. Difficult times don’t last forever. Bad bosses come and go. And biting the bullet can be the way of wisdom.

Every situation has a dark side that we either have to protest or learn adaptation skills.

The other option is to leave. In that case,

First, follow your own wisdom.

Intuitively, you know that now is the time to move on. Those close to you have hinted that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Always ask yourself “What does my inner wise person say about this?” Don’t be surprised by the answers you get. One friend of mine asked that question about a pending change and her inner voice told her “Love yourself”.

Second, any change is painful

Leaving is often difficult. But there is no escaping the pain. You have to go through rather than around it. The fact is that you have given heart and soul to this situation and in exiting you feel that you leave a piece of yourself behind.

Whether you left on your own or you were evicted (fired? divorced?) you experienced the equivalent of the British idiom “Sending a person to Coventry”. The phrase means that you were deliberately ostracized or ignored.

Being on the “outs” from a group can be a very painful and lonely experience. We all need affirmation and validation. The pity is that this acceptance is often contingent on us being in lockstep with a set of beliefs that run counter to our own.

Third, leverage your solid relationships.

Leaving is easier if one has a robust social support system. Reaching out to people who have stuck with you through thick and thin, contacting former bosses and colleagues, joining a support group, or finding a coach to walk with you through the days of uncertainty are keys factors to a successful life transition. Such people reinforce your inner essence and the value of your contribution. All help diminish the toxic opinion of your detractors and naysayers.

All tell you when your inner critic is overactive.

Fourth, reframe your change as transformational

For me, the biggest lesson in the parting of ways is captured in the words of Lao Tzu

New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.

We have all had to outgrow mere survival. It is when we cling to an unproductive past and define it as the permanent home that we become unnecessarily stuck. In the words of Bill Plotkin

“Many of us learn to do our “survival dance,” but we never get to our actual “sacred dance.”

So what is your sacred dance?