Don’t Entirely Quit Your Job to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

A harsh lesson I learned after I quit my job to stay home.

I wanted that ideal childhood for my children that I had in my head at the time. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom until my kids were school-aged so that I could be there for all those early developmental stages, to show my love, etc, and build that early bond without having that be the job of strangers.

A lot of women, I believe, have that wish, at least in some capacity, whether it be intentional, or the pressure from society. Do we all do it? No, of course not. Did I? Yes, and it was one of the most detrimental mistakes of my life; a mistake that’s not even related to the fact that I put myself in a completely dependent state to rely on my controlling narcissistic ex-husband to take care of me.

That’s a different story. I talk about it a lot in my other articles.

This has nothing to do with that.

This goes for anybody out there, even if you’re in the best perfect relationship of all time. This has to do with one big daunting, yet important word: REFERENCES.

Before I was married I worked as a Second Grade Elementary School Teacher in my city. I loved the job, and the kids, and I feel the kids and families even loved me. It was a great job for my personality and one I worked hard at and for after literally going all the way through college to achieve this specific career.

When I opted to stay home for the early years of my children, it ended up being about five years away from the school district and my career. I had two boys with a year and a half between them. If you have more, this is even more detrimental. Let me explain.

When I was ready and needed to get back into the workforce after my divorce, I was suddenly hit with a major brick wall. In order to get back into the school district, I needed to have three current references from within the last three years only.

Even though I had taught for the school district with zero problems before and was fully degreed, I suddenly could not pass even just the initial application stage, because they would only accept references from the last three years — ONLY — and they needed three.

How was I supposed to have three references from the past three years only if I wasn’t working and was a stay-at-home mom? And they did not allow for personal references. They had to be work experienced references or those of professors if I was a new graduate.

The only way I could get back into my career, was if I worked somewhere else where I could get references for another year or two before reapplying, or if I went back to college to get either a master’s degree or something else in Education that would give me professor references.

I had two little kids and was now a single mother. I didn’t have the time or the money to go back to college full-time — for what? A reference?

This was insane.

I had to work to live and support my children.

What they would allow me to do, though, was Substitute Teach, so my plan was, to bite the bullet on lower pay, Sub Teach for a year, get ‘in’ with the schools and teachers out there in my city, again, with the idea that they’d see how I taught, get to know me, and that I could get references through my contacts there.

After a year of Substitute Teaching with zero issues, I, again, applied to the school district as a full-time teacher.

Again, I was hit with a brick wall.

They did not allow ‘personal references’ or those from colleagues, such as other teachers. It had to be a formal manager or someone that was in charge of me, like a Principal. They then informed me, that Substitute Teaching, is a non-contractual job without an overhead manager, (independently contracted through the district) so that my experience with that, would not count for references.

They needed three references from people that actually managed me from the last three years only.

Now, I was no longer five years behind with current references, I was six.

My only option was to find other employment that was completely not related to my teaching career, the one I worked so hard and went to college specifically for.

To make a long story short — Don’t completely quit your career to stay home with your kids if you want to return to said career. I never anticipated how strict and hard it would be to go back after when you have no current references. Keep your foot in somewhere. Work part-time, and make sure you still have some kind of managerial references that you can pull that remain current.

I basically lost my whole career because I opted to stay home with my children full time for five years. I’m still not back as a full-time teacher because of the reference brick wall. I don’t want to completely bore everyone with every little detail of the jobs I’ve had, but to put it short, after working phlebotomy for a year, I was offered an independently contracted teaching job for a lot higher pay via a web-based platform for children in China to learn immersive English.

I grabbed it at the time, and I loved it, but after three and half years with them, China changed its regulations of allowing foreign teachers to teach their children, so I was out of work, again, with no formal references. (Independently contracted job)

So, I’m back with no past three years only references all over, again, now. The references from my Phlebotomy work are now too old, too.

Don’t lose your references. Stay home if you want, but keep something still active to keep your references alive and CURRENT. (This goes for independently contracted jobs, too. Be careful about keeping active references. If the job goes south, you’ll have no managerial references)

It was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I loved being a Second Grade Teacher and the crazy thing is, I know teachers are desperately needed, yet I can’t get in.

Thank you for reading! ❤