Don’t deal with Stress, find out Stressors Instead
Why are you always stressed out?
I recently had a call with an ADHD coach, who confirmed my suspicion of adult ADHD. I still couldn’t get a psychiatry appointment here in New York, (meaning I’m still not officially diagnosed), but I felt so relieved after that call.
Why? Because now I know my stressors. I get to see the reason behind my chronic anxiety. And once it emerges from the dark unconsciousness, I already feel much more at ease.
I can see it as it is. I can call it by its name. And I get to understand that this is a common disorder, that I shouldn’t feel bad about it. At all.
I’m not saying this new knowledge has freed me from feeling stressed out. But as it sheds more light on this issue, I also feel much more confident dealing with my day-to-day stress.
Are you also struggling with stress? Don’t fight the symptoms just yet. Try to find the root cause first.
Can you identify where the stress comes from? Work? Relationships? Or yourself? How does it manifest in your mind and body? Do you get fidgety, restless, worried, anxious?
What is the thing that is constantly on your mind? Are you stressed out about its actual consequence or just a possibility? If I ask you to name the three most stressful things/situations, what would they be? How are they similar to each other?
Those are just a list of questions that can help you uncover the myth of your stressors. Ask yourself these questions before fighting against the feelings will help you gain a much better understanding of how you interact with your environment.
For example, I was under an unbearable amount of stress last spring, when I was applying for my artist visa while training for a half-marathon.
I didn’t know that long-distance running could put your body into a state of emergency (for some people). I also wasn’t aware that I was rehearsing the situation of a failed visa application repeatedly in my head. I was compounding two enormous sources of stressors without awareness.
How could I have done differently? I had to apply for the visa to keep my legal status, but I could have canceled the race — that was not mandatory after all.
Why didn’t I do it? I wanted to achieve something to affirm my value. Because the possibility of a failed visa application might push me into the abyss of self-doubt — that I’m not qualified enough as an artist.
There it is. Once this picture is clear, all the rest of it makes sense. And I just have to be honest with myself to acknowledge the real motivation behind running that half-marathon. It doesn’t come from joy. It comes from a need to prove.
Then I can simply subtract it from my life. Yes, the registration is non-refundable, but that’s nothing compared to my mental and physical health.
“The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.” — William James
Once we can see the stressors, we have the ability to choose. And once we claim that power, we are no longer standing in darkness.
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