Don’t Chase Confidence! Chase Mastery Instead
A lot of people ask about how to be more confident and a lot more are offering advice on that. All these hacks and tricks work only on the surface for a short time. Fuck Confidence who cares? Because Confidence is just a by-product…
Why So Much Focus on Confidence?
Am I the only one fed up with the number of articles out there trying to sell you some shortcut to confidence and watching people hog on advice from average minds who are happily offering tips like eye contact, dressing sense, and whatnot that are supposed to make you feel more confident? The keyword to note here feels more confident, mind you and not Be Confident.
No! This is not another article to offer some hacks on building confidence., This article is the complete opposite of all those articles that ever made you believe it matters to be confident. This article is here to tell you to Fuck Confidence, and screw all those who have been forcing all these limited beliefs like confidence is the name of the game. It’s not the name of the game or maybe it’s the name of the game. But what are we kids — playing games.
It’s time to unlearn and learn.
Now I have a feeling that you might be going —
“what the hell is this guy even talking about? Confidence is the name of the game.”
Everybody has been telling you in some manner, be confident, or made you question why aren’t you confident, or made you wonder of possibilities, if only you were more confident. And then you have all this data on the internet just a click away pushing the same thoughts into your brain jamming your thought process.
So much misinformation occupying all that precious grey matter stopping you from focussing on things that you should focus on.
The Focus Should Be on Action!
Let me ask you something —
Have you ever heard anyone say “ look at that Bird. How confidently it’s flying?”. Or “ look at that Tiger confidently chasing the deer ”.
No, the Bird is just being a Bird, and it’s flying coz that’s what it’s meant to do. Tiger is chasing the Deer because it wants to eat and it’s focused on that.
So yes from afar of course they will look confident but that’s because they are so focused on the action. They don’t think about confidence when they get up in the morning.
Oh, today I have to fly confidently. Or today I have to hunt confidently. That’s not what they are were focussing on
So Why the Fuck do people who are supposed to be more intelligent than animals say this to themselves — I have to be confident.
Why is there even a need for them to be confident in the first place?
Simply, it’s because a Tiger knows it’s a Tiger. Its priorities are clear and it knows what it has to do. Similarly, a bird knows it’s a bird and it knows it has to fly off to catch the worm. So its focus is on what it has to do.
Find Out Who You Are and What You Want To Do.
But most people don’t know who they are or what they have to do. Those are not easy questions to answer they require some soul searching and real thinking which requires effort. But why do something that requires effort when there is an easy thing to do? It’s easier to focus on confidence because it’s easier to get some hacks on how to be confident? You have so much literature out there and so many videos and podcasts and stuff telling you to be confident.
So that’s the first thing. When you are thinking about how to be confident in life then that’s a clue for you. A clue to ask yourself—
What do I want to do? And if you can’t get an answer for that then you should be asking — Who am I?
Everyone Already Has All The Confidence They Need.
Now before you say — “but Sohrab some people are actually in need of confidence,..”,
I’m gonna interrupt you right there. And I’ll prove to you that you, me, and everyone out there already have all the confidence in the real world to do things.
Have you heard anyone say — I need the confidence to sleep or I don’t have the confidence to brush my teeth or how to be confident to drink water.
Nobody says that. Why? All of a sudden now you don’t need confidence for doing those things? Yes, you don’t need it, because it doesn’t matter. After all, you know when you are thirsty all you want is water. When you are sleepy all you care about is sleep. And as far as brushing the teeth, you are not even thinking about brushing, you are just doing it on an auto mode thinking about what to wear maybe.
Now somebody might say — “Yeah, yeah that’s okay Sohrab. But what about people who know what they want to do but don’t feel confident enough to do it. Not feeling confident about talking to someone or lacking the confidence to pursue their dreams or lack of confidence to be public speaking.”
I Have a One-Word Answer — Distracted!
When people start asking how to be confident What does it mean? It means they lack self-belief. They feel they are not equipped enough to deal with the situation or deliver what they have to please somebody. Another is involved to make you feel — lacking of confidence.
A person doesn’t feel the need to be confident when they are alone.
But why does it change when that same person is in the company of others.
All these people who feel a lack of confidence to do what they want to do are Distracted. They are distracted by their many thoughts. The biggest one among them is —
What will people think of them?
Confidence Comes From Mastery
When Beethoven played his symphonies, do you think people remarked — Wow how confidently he is playing the piano, or do you think they were engrossed in listening to his music?
More importantly, do you think Beethoven was thinking whether people thought he looked confident or not. Or was he thinking of playing the next note?
When Picasso painted, do you think people say how confidently he holds the brush? No, and neither does Picasso care about whether you think he holds it confidently or not because he is busy painting.
Now you might say — Oh but these people I gave an example of are the Masters. Yes, you are right they are masters and famous. They are famous masters but don’t let that fame and greatness stop you from learning from them.
To make it easier for you, let’s take another example say of a performer. How about when your favorite teacher is lecturing you on your favorite subject in the class, are you impressed by the confidence or you focus on what they are teaching.
Do you think the Professor was preparing to be confident or was he preparing to deliver the lecture?
Do you think Beethoven, Picassos, or any of the masters in their field are practicing their skills or are practicing how to be confident?
Djokovic is not taking lessons on how to be confident on the tennis court, but he does take coaching for improving his tennis. His focus is on his training and his ability to play better determines his confidence levels. If a sportsperson is playing well they feel confident, and if they are not doing well they feel less confident.
Confidence is The Result of Focus and Truth in Action.
Yes, there would be people who would say — he seems very confident or she seems very confident. And that’s true, but you will also observe that they are so involved in what they are doing that nothing else matters to them. A level of deep concentration or happiness surrounds them.
And confidence is a reflection of the self-belief these people have in themselves and their ability to work without getting distracted.
So it’s never a question of confidence. It’s a question of how good you are at what you do. And it’s directly related to the number of hours you have to spend practicing your skill. No matter how small or big it is. The same rule applies.
So is it that if you are doing well in life, you feel confident, if you are not doing well you feel less confident?
No. Being a master at something might take a long time. So before you begin to wonder — does one have to wait years to be confident at something. The answer is Yes and No.
Yes, it takes years of effort to be really good at something but No, the confidence starts coming much before you become great. Because confidence comes from the Truth. The truth that you have given it your best.
When you have given everything you got, put in all your efforts then you’ll always be confident. But you never give everything you got for the sake of building the confidence you do it because you love what you do.
So STOP chasing confidence and Chase Mastery and focus instead. Confidence is just a by-product of that.
Take-Aways
Confidence is how we feel when we do something we love or know that we are good at doing it. And that confidence comes from within. No matter how many hacks you try, if you aren’t good at what you do, that facade will wither away at some point. So focus on being good at what you do. Being better than how you were a day before.
If you find yourself thinking about confidence then take it as a clue and ask yourself the following questions —
- Who am I?
- What do I want to do?
- And then start working on it with full focus.
Work Hard to be a Master at what you want to do.
If you find yourself again thinking about confidence then realize that you have gotten distracted.
- It’s okay to be distracted, just accept it and take a deep breath and say FUCK CONFIDENCE!! WHO CARES !!!!
- Mistakes will happen but important thing is to enjoy doing what you are doing.
- Remember if you love what you do then, you will automatically become confident at it.
