Humor
Don’t Bother Pushing the Envelope — Lost in the Mail!
You just don’t get it
“The South African Post Office is on the brink of collapse!” the headlines shout.
As if we didn’t know.
I stopped using the post office two decades ago and cancelled my post box rental because their service sucks. Parcels lost or stolen and letters that never arrived. Perhaps a sack of correspondence discovered dumped outside the local branch.
Millions of my fellow citizens joined me and switched to using couriers. Even Amazon stopped sending orders to my country via normal post before the turn of the century because they seldom arrived. I stopped ordering music CDs from them because the shipping costs were double or triple the price of the merchandise!
…
In case you’re wondering why I’m telling you this story (not as in telling a lie!), it’s in response to a question from Lucy The Eggcademic (she/her).
“What would be an absurd thing to receive in the mail?”
My quick answer is it would be a miracle to receive anything at all.
Now we’ve got that out of the way.
Hang on, Dr. Preeti Singh tagged me on this one, to think of something weird I received in the mail.
Another pithy answer is it would be a bizarre experience to receive anything at all!
The courier business has thrived here as companies and individuals moved away from the post office to reliable service providers such as PostNet.
They have a network of branches at shopping centers in suburbs across the country. So, you pop into your local branch with documents or goodies you want to send to another business or friend, pay a minimum fee of $6.60 (at today’s exchange rate) for anything up to 1 Kilogram and with 2–3 days the recipient receives an SMS:
“Dear Customer, your parcel 12345678 is ready for collection at PostNet (Branch).”
You can also rent a post box, but I prefer to correspond via email.
A year ago, a PostNet branch opened at the new shopping center in our village. As friends can’t visit, now if I need anything I can’t find here, I pay them to buy and send to me via their network.
The contents of my latest parcel may seem peculiar to some folks in the Occident, but there’s something I love that isn’t available in the remote area where we live.
This is right-wing territory where it would be absurd to find people practicing yoga, meditation or burning incense.
Yes — you guessed right — incense sticks!
Imagine my delight on opening the parcel to reveal not the two boxes each of my favorite aromas I’d ordered, but three Jasmine and five Frankincense & Myrrh! But, hey, that’s what friends do — give you more than you asked for.
A frankincense & myrrh is burning next to my desk as I write this!
I don’t posses an incense holder but did a Lucy and created one with an empty plastic feta cheese container. Punched a small hole in the lid for the stick to stand upright and the ashes fall on the lid! Inelegant, but it does the job.
I didn’t publish an image of incense as that would have given the game away.
I held this haiku until the end.
This favorite food is also unavailable here — but you can’t mail it!
Warm pita bread filled With hummus and falafel Awakens taste buds
(Hummus is a paste made from chickpeas; falafel is a mixture of ground chickpeas, herbs and spices formed into small balls and fried.)
Back in Johannesburg, we used to buy at a fast-food outlet called Anat.
They fry up your falafel, slice the tip of the fresh baked pita to “open the envelope”, then you decide what else you want with it — tahina sauce, slices of roasted eggplant, tomatoes (Lucy can omit these!), and a variety of salads and pickles.
They do a good shawarma too!
I love living halfway up a mountain in the countryside. It satisfies my appetite for nature, but not food cravings!
Thank you for being here.
Dr. Preeti Singh got the ball rolling (not falafel) with her toothpick story, daring me to write.
The prompt originated with Lucy The Eggcademic (she/her), who always has a kitchen full of ideas.
