Don’t Beat Yourself Up

The Dad I am and the Dad I thought I would be

I remember dreaming about the kind of father I would be when I had kids. You know, basically perfect. I would be just fun enough to be a cool dad, but strict enough to keep my kids in line. There were plenty of visions of front-porch conversations where I distilled pure wisdom upon them. Of course, they would hang on every word.

Well, you get the picture. I was going to have this dad thing in the bag.

I am here to tell you I was dead wrong.

I am the father of four beautiful children. I have a nine-year-old (she’s my only girl), a five-year-old, a two-year-old, and a nine-month-old. They have given me much needed perspective.

To be honest, there are a lot of days my wife and I are just trying to survive until bedtime. Don’t get me wrong, we are doing the best we can and parenting with everything we are. But that’s just the point. We are not enough. Our kids definitely need us, but they need us to point them beyond ourselves. They need us to point them to God.

So there, I said it. I am not the dad I thought I would be. I am a disappointment to myself. But over time I have learned some things to remember when I feel like beating myself up about it. I hope they help you too.

1. Let them see you fail

Our children learn the most from us when they see how we respond to our own struggles. It teaches them how to respond to theirs. When you do something wrong, admit it, and ask forgiveness. You will model for them more than a thousand front porch conversations could ever accomplish.

When you are weak, don’t be afraid for them to see it. Let them see how you fight through it.

Instead of acting like you’re not tired, show them what it is that gets you out of bed despite how tired you are.

When they grow up they will inevitably have times of weakness. You don’t want them to think there is something wrong with them. You want them to know that the strength of a man is how he is able to get through it.

2. Point them to the source

God is who they really need. Your job is to help them see it. Let them see you pray. Pray with them and for them. Talk to them about your own need for Him.

So you are struggling today. Maybe you said or did some things you’re not happy about. Maybe the kids pushed one too many buttons. Instead of viewing yourself as a total failure, view it as an opportunity. You now get to sit down with your children and explain to them,

Even Daddy makes mistakes, but God is always there to forgive us when we ask Him.

3. Do everything you can, then rest

You are just a man. God is sovereign. Ultimately, He will do for your children what you cannot. He is not asking for perfection, but faithfulness.

My aspirations have changed a bit since having kids. I now consider it a successful day when I can say,

God, I did the best I could today. They are in Your hands. Amen.

That is so freeing, isn’t it? It shouldn’t make us lazy, but it gives us the space to breathe. It pulls the burden off of us so we can parent with joy.

Conclusion

So you and I are not the dads we thought we would be. But that’s ok. Our kids need to see us fail. They need to see us running to the source. They need to be entrusted to the hands of God.