Don’t Be Too Good

Do you find yourself to be a bit of a people-pleaser?

I was one of those children who were praised for being “good” all the time.

I was the good daughter who never caused her parents any trouble.

I was a good student who always listened to her teachers.

I was the good girl who never did any wrong.

Being "good" became more than just a label; it became a way of life.

Little did I know that this pursuit of goodness would shape not just my childhood, but my teenage years and early adulthood, too.

As a child, I came to the belief that being agreeable equals being good.

I found myself nodding along to whatever my parents, teachers, and friends said, even if it meant locking away my own desires and opinions.

In a situation where my friend and I were eyeing the last slice of cake, I would let her take it, even if I also craved it, simply because I prioritised her happiness over my own desire.

Complaining wasn’t my style; I mastered the art of bearing it all quietly, convinced that it was the secret recipe to being a good person.

When I was faced with difficult situations or challenging individuals, my initial instinct was to either ignore it or endure silently, avoiding any potential conflict or discomfort.

However, during my university days, I realised being ‘too good’ didn’t always make me happy. Because I never spoke up, I ended up neglecting my own wants and needs.

When it came to group projects, I somehow ended up with the tasks everyone else wanted to avoid. Even during room selections with my flatmates, I consistently found myself with the smallest and least appealing space.

It was then, that I opened up and shared my concerns with my mother. She gave me the following advice:

"Be good to yourself first, then be good to others."

The wisdom in those words struck a chord deep within me. I finally realised that the pursuit of constant goodness, when at the expense of my own well-being, was a flawed approach.

Up until that moment, I had only ever cared about what other people thought about me. I had never once thought properly about looking after myself or putting myself first.

I came to the realisation that being good to others should not come at the cost of being good to oneself.

Sure, it’s nice to do nice things. But if you’re sacrificing your own wants, needs, and desires to make someone else happy, you’re probably too nice for your own good.

I learned that it was okay to assert myself, to voice my opinions, and to prioritise my own happiness.

Being good to myself didn’t make me selfish.

Rather, it enhanced my capacity to be genuinely good to others. I realised that genuine goodness stems from a place of authenticity and self-love.

So, to anyone who, like me, once believed that being good meant constantly putting others first, remember: be good to yourself first, then to others.

Listen to the voice inside you, telling you what you truly want.

If everyone else is chanting, “Italian, Italian,” but you’re craving Korean food, don’t hesitate to speak up and declare, “I’m all in for Korean food.”

While it’s awesome to be good to others, never lose sight of the fact that you’ve got a duty to be good to yourself first and foremost.