Don’t Be This Guy

Checking your narcissism before someone else does

Here is a bunch of things, which if you find in yourself, you might want to consciously correct it, for the benefit of your personal life and relationships.

It is a paradox — a narcissist finds nothing wrong with him or herself and a liar might be so delusional as to believe his or her own lie to some extent. Don’t see the word narcissism as a mean and negative personality trait. See it is an illness that needs a cure.

1. Don’t: Lie about verifiable facts

Everybody lies. Most mentally healthy people tell white lies. Like “my dog ate my homework” or “ I was hung up in traffic” or that “ I can’t come because I’m under the weather”.

If you find yourself making up facts or situations that did not happen way too often for no specific end, you might be ill. Trust me the listener knows by your second lie that it's a pattern.

You might feel compelled to do this to make yourself look good. Don’t. Everybody can tell.

If you are making up facts that somewhere in the corner of your mind ring false, don’t say them. This might be hard at first, but trust me, it ruins trust and relationships faster than it builds your image up.

2. Don’t: Always have negative pavlovian responses

There is constructive advice, and then are reflexive reactions when you find yourself obviously superior.

If you hear “I love eating Chinese noodles with Jam”, try stopping yourself from saying “Really? Yuck!”. It is disrespectful. Don’t wonder aloud “If his car has always been this small”. Don’t visit one at home and say “This is small, how do you manage!”.

Leave them alone.

If you find yourself quick to jump at something harmless and personal only to turn it negative, stop. It takes conscious effort. Try replacing it with silence instead, you don't have to be overly positive just for the sake of it.

3. Don’t: Be constantly under-impressed

Not everyone has to be your cheerleader or give you constructive feedback. However, if you find yourself constantly under-impressed with other’s achievements, evaluate yourself.

It is hard to feel good about competition, especially if you are not on top. But it is also beautiful to have a company that helps you grow. It is never a contest.

You don’t have to bake a cake every time he or she takes a successful sh*t. But if you consciously refrain from congratulating him or her on achievements they see as very important, reevaluate yourself.

4. Don’t: Treat every conversation like a competition

If you have the need to top your friend’s weekend trip with a better weekend story, his success at work with an equal or bigger success story, his breakfast with a healthier breakfast story, don't. This connection is not going to end well for both of you.

You are just sabotaging their little joys in life and making them appear insignificant. If someone is happy about an achievement only to be told “Yeah? That’s nothing, I already did that as a baby, thrice”, it doesn’t help him grow. It doesn’t help you grow as a person.

Jealousy, being at a bad spot in life, feeling of inadequacy might all lead one to lie about your success stories. But remember, you are already good at something, no one is looking down on you and you are already loved and wanted.

Don’t: Take credit for “not your ideas”

If you find yourself acknowledging a compliment where your contribution has been minimal, stop in your steps, and be honest.

If you conspicuously do not bring up the one who really worked for the said achievement, or plagiarise, remember that this is going to be found out sooner than you think.

Lying shows in your eyes and actions more clearly than you imagine, like a cat closing its eyes while drinking stolen milk. Everybody sees it but the cat.

Be a good coworker or friend and grow honestly.

All of us fall short somewhere. But there is hope. Try and don’t do it!