Don’t Be Sorry. Apologize and Grow Stronger

Summary

The author emphasizes the importance of not over-apologizing, as it can become a detrimental habit that undermines self-esteem and invites negative treatment from others, advocating instead for taking responsibility and learning from mistakes to foster personal growth.

Abstract

The article discusses the pitfalls of excessive apologizing, drawing from the author's personal experience. Initially, the author adopted a non-confrontational approach, using "sorry" as a default response in various situations, even when it was unwarranted. This behavior led to a cycle of self-doubt and actual mistakes, creating a negative feedback loop. The author points out that over-apologizing can signal to others a willingness to be a scapegoat, potentially inviting abuse and exploitation. The article advocates for a balanced approach to apologies, where one takes responsibility for genuine mistakes, learns from them, and moves on without carrying guilt. The author encourages confidence, personal best, and fairness to others as a way to minimize the need for apologies and strengthen one's character.

Opinions

Apologizing compulsively can create a false impression of constant wrongdoing and lower self-esteem.
Over-apologizing may lead to being unfairly targeted as a scapegoat by others.
Taking responsibility for one's actions is crucial, but it should not extend to taking blame unnecessarily.
Learning from mistakes and moving on is more productive than dwelling on apologies.
Confidence, effort, and fairness are key to reducing the need for frequent apologies.
A balanced approach to apologies is healthier than either over-apologizing or not apologizing enough.

Don’t Be Sorry. Apologize and Grow Stronger

I’ll admit it. This is something that I did for a long time and let me tell you — it’s a bad habit.

When I was younger, I was very non-confrontational. I was the type of kid who thought that everything could be resolved without conflict. I learned that if you just said sorry and moved on with your life, things normally went pretty smoothly. And this is true to some extent. You have to be careful though. In my case, there came a point where I became so accustomed to apologizing that I started saying it compulsively.

“Sorry.”

Even when it didn’t make sense. Even if I did nothing wrong. Even if nothing was wrong.

“Sorry.”

Sorry became my go-to word to blurt out when I felt uncomfortable, awkward, or embarrassed.

This is the crux of the issue.

When you’re constantly apologizing, you can trick yourself into thinking that you’ve done something wrong. It’s very easy to think, “I always have to apologize because I’m always screwing things up.” But again, that wasn’t even the case. It was the other way around. I conditioned myself to always be sorry and this formed a negative feedback loop. My default was to be sorry, which lowered my self-esteem, which negatively impacted my performance, which in turn actually gave me something to be sorry for. I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Another negative byproduct of over-apologizing is opening yourself up to bullies and abuse. Don’t let people use you as their scapegoat. Because let me tell you something about humans — Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. When things go wrong, people are already looking for someone to blame. It’s never their fault and taking responsibility is in short supply. So when you just offer up “sorry”, you’re signaling to others, “I have something to be sorry for.” In other words, it’s my fault. People will jump all over it.

Take responsibility for yourself and focus on what you can control

Now, for the record, I take full responsibility for my life and I have no problem apologizing if I’ve done something wrong. We all make mistakes and sometimes all you can do is apologize.

Some people apologize too often and some not often enough. I strive to be somewhere in the middle.

Now I look at it differently. I apologize for my mistakes but I don’t carry the sorry with me. I learn from my mistakes and I move on.

I wrote this because I’m sure there are other serial-apologists out there. And I’m letting you know that if you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody else will either. And over-apologizing will only hurt your self-esteem and make you a target.

Be confident, always do your best, and do right by others.

If you do this, you won’t have much to be sorry for anyway.

Originally published at https://mindpowergrow.com on May 7, 2020.