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Abstract

kind to others on their face, but completely different otherwise. This is not an uncommon trait, it is likely that you are one of them. Such people are not the same to everyone, rather they might go to any extent in order to help the ones they genuinely care about. The ‘Be nice to others’ teaching they have been filled with since childhood causes them to no longer be authentic in front of everyone. Behind closed doors, they have their own opinions and views, but they are too scared to present them in front of others because they do not want to hurt their feelings</p><p id="7d7f">Lack of authenticity could often lead to a situation where they end up being a hypocrite because they always try to please the ones they are with at the moment. In trying to please everyone they end up pleasing no one.</p><p id="aa70">Being true to yourself is so much easier. You don’t have to carry on with a charade where at every moment you are worried about offending someone.</p><h1 id="d977">Getting The Right Company</h1><p id="6556">I personally think it is better to keep the right kind of people close to you, and the others away. When I say the right kind of people, I do not mean you should only trust the people who have the same ideals as you, what I mean is to keep company with only those people who know the real you. I have plenty of people who I am close to who do not think like me, and often criticize me for the way I think, and I respect those people. This respect stems from knowing that will tell you things as they are, not as I want them to say it is. On the other hand, if people do not like the real you, and stay away that is fine too, less clutter.</p><figure id="1ea8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*Z1qu6QdtTIjXeXjHgn_tWQ.png"><figcaption>Conversations — Generated By Author on Canva</figcaption></figure><h1 id="2f73">Authenticity Brings Down Barriers</h1><p id="aff2">Being authentic means being confident about your vulnerabilities, being true to yourself and in front of others about your flaws. When someone shares their vulnerability and brings their guard down, they automatically bring others closer. Nobody likes perfect people, since they are intimidating, whereas a person with flaws is more relatable. You might end up making a lot of friends by being nice but you make more close friends by being authentic. This is about quantity over quality, and you have a choice.</p><h1 id="a9a4">So Should We All Be Awful To Others?</h1><p id="93e2">Is the opposite of being nice, being awful? Absolutely not. You should be nice to people, but it should not be at a compromise of being genuine to yourself, or at the cost of your own self-respect. Don’t get walked over by a cheating boyfriend because you don't want to hurt him, don't give in to bullying at work wondering, <i>‘What would peop

Options

le say?’</i>. Stand up for what is right, irrespective of whether it hurts someone else, it may end up helping them in the long run. Respect the ones who deserve it, be nice to the ones who respect you.</p><h1 id="ee29">Authentic Branding</h1><p id="33e5">I am sure you would agree a person who is authentic always gets more respect than a person who is just nice. Being authentic is a personality trait, only when you are true to yourself, can you be true to others. In today’s world where everyone is trying to impress others and establish a personal brand, the fastest and easiest way to establish yourself is to be authentic. Authenticity makes it easy to get clarity in thinking, you no longer need to think about presenting yourself as different from who you really are. Being true to yourself also brings you to realize your flaws, you would genuinely work to overcome them since hiding them will not be an option. This helps you to build yourself up as a more confident person.</p><p id="1d39">I have highlighted the advantage of authenticity while building a brand in the below story, do check it out if it interests you.</p><div id="ff6a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-only-brand-in-the-world-that-matters-48d49b6d6367"> <div> <div> <h2>The Only Brand In The World That Matters</h2> <div><h3>Most people ignore it and lose out in life.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6DbcmnAe-yNPKULeE4fjLA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="fc7d">Easier Said Than Done</h1><p id="1002">You might be thinking it is easy to preach this, but tough to follow. I would be lying if I said this is not true. There are certain situations where this is tough to follow, in some situations it is better to be nice and avoid a conflict. But these situations should be an exception and not a norm Choose your battles wisely.</p><h1 id="ec8d">Conclusion</h1><p id="cd5c">Days of being nice all the time are over, in today's ever-so-competitive world the nice ones do not stand out, the authentic ones do. So go ahead, offend people who you think are wrong, and stop pleasing others at the cost of your own needs. At the end of the day, you can only be nice to others, if you are nice to yourself, and wasn't this about ‘Being Nice’ anyhow?</p><p id="c0c7">If this story resonated with you at all and helped you, please <a href="https://medium.com/@jijo_george">follow me here</a>, and join my journey as a writer by <a href="https://substack.com/@jijogeorge">subscribing to my newsletter</a> so I can visit your mailbox, once in a while.</p></article></body>

Don’t Be Nice, Be Authentic

Being nice is overrated

How many of you were told to be nice to others when growing up? A perfectly acceptable thing to teach, but then we also need to tell them, ‘Be nice to yourself’. Being nice to others should never be a compromise of your own well-being.

Problems With Being Nice

Suppressing true feelings — Generated by Author on Canva

Being Nice is not simply being good to others. Being nice comes bundled with an overhead of building a persona where you should hide your true nature. Being nice also means not to offend others by saying certain things. Being nice means suppressing your true nature and being the goody two shoes that everyone likes. Being nice means someone who respects elders, irrespective of whether they deserve it or not. Every day you are forced to live a lie in front of others just so that you do not hurt their feelings. When being forced to be nice you start measuring your self-worth based on how others are to you, instead of how you are to yourself. People who are too nice to others are often the same who do not stand up for themselves. This takes a toll, every day this frustration eats you up, and when this frustration peaks, you break. The years of being nice may one day cause you to blow up, not a pretty picture if you have ever come across someone in this situation.

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Be Selfish

Sometimes being a little selfish goes a long way. Being selfish does not mean only caring about yourself, it means being authentic, being yourself. The kindness you show to others should not be at the cost of your own well-being. You need to realize in order to help others you should be capable of helping yourself. Only when you are in a good frame of mind would the kindness you show others not be taxing, only then would the kindness be authentic.

Being Authentic

I am sure you know people who are always nice and kind to others on their face, but completely different otherwise. This is not an uncommon trait, it is likely that you are one of them. Such people are not the same to everyone, rather they might go to any extent in order to help the ones they genuinely care about. The ‘Be nice to others’ teaching they have been filled with since childhood causes them to no longer be authentic in front of everyone. Behind closed doors, they have their own opinions and views, but they are too scared to present them in front of others because they do not want to hurt their feelings

Lack of authenticity could often lead to a situation where they end up being a hypocrite because they always try to please the ones they are with at the moment. In trying to please everyone they end up pleasing no one.

Being true to yourself is so much easier. You don’t have to carry on with a charade where at every moment you are worried about offending someone.

Getting The Right Company

I personally think it is better to keep the right kind of people close to you, and the others away. When I say the right kind of people, I do not mean you should only trust the people who have the same ideals as you, what I mean is to keep company with only those people who know the real you. I have plenty of people who I am close to who do not think like me, and often criticize me for the way I think, and I respect those people. This respect stems from knowing that will tell you things as they are, not as I want them to say it is. On the other hand, if people do not like the real you, and stay away that is fine too, less clutter.

Conversations — Generated By Author on Canva

Authenticity Brings Down Barriers

Being authentic means being confident about your vulnerabilities, being true to yourself and in front of others about your flaws. When someone shares their vulnerability and brings their guard down, they automatically bring others closer. Nobody likes perfect people, since they are intimidating, whereas a person with flaws is more relatable. You might end up making a lot of friends by being nice but you make more close friends by being authentic. This is about quantity over quality, and you have a choice.

So Should We All Be Awful To Others?

Is the opposite of being nice, being awful? Absolutely not. You should be nice to people, but it should not be at a compromise of being genuine to yourself, or at the cost of your own self-respect. Don’t get walked over by a cheating boyfriend because you don't want to hurt him, don't give in to bullying at work wondering, ‘What would people say?’. Stand up for what is right, irrespective of whether it hurts someone else, it may end up helping them in the long run. Respect the ones who deserve it, be nice to the ones who respect you.

Authentic Branding

I am sure you would agree a person who is authentic always gets more respect than a person who is just nice. Being authentic is a personality trait, only when you are true to yourself, can you be true to others. In today’s world where everyone is trying to impress others and establish a personal brand, the fastest and easiest way to establish yourself is to be authentic. Authenticity makes it easy to get clarity in thinking, you no longer need to think about presenting yourself as different from who you really are. Being true to yourself also brings you to realize your flaws, you would genuinely work to overcome them since hiding them will not be an option. This helps you to build yourself up as a more confident person.

I have highlighted the advantage of authenticity while building a brand in the below story, do check it out if it interests you.

The Only Brand In The World That Matters

Most people ignore it and lose out in life.

medium.com

Easier Said Than Done

You might be thinking it is easy to preach this, but tough to follow. I would be lying if I said this is not true. There are certain situations where this is tough to follow, in some situations it is better to be nice and avoid a conflict. But these situations should be an exception and not a norm Choose your battles wisely.

Conclusion

Days of being nice all the time are over, in today's ever-so-competitive world the nice ones do not stand out, the authentic ones do. So go ahead, offend people who you think are wrong, and stop pleasing others at the cost of your own needs. At the end of the day, you can only be nice to others, if you are nice to yourself, and wasn't this about ‘Being Nice’ anyhow?

If this story resonated with you at all and helped you, please follow me here, and join my journey as a writer by subscribing to my newsletter so I can visit your mailbox, once in a while.