Don't Be a Buzzard on A Gut Cart

Be a phoenix instead

Do you get a secret thrill if someone you know who has been doing well suddenly finds that their fortune takes a turn for the worse?

Or maybe you’re the type of person who wants to write a book without actually doing any of the writing or wants to have a degree without reading for an essay?

Are you always hanging on to someone else’s coat tails trying to get a free ride?

Or you’re drawn to drama

I hate to tell you if you put your hand up to any of these things, but you’re a buzzard on a gut cart.

When someone else’s life takes a downturn

You might have a friend or a family member that everything they touch turns to gold? It doesn’t matter how hard you work; you’ll never be able to have a life like theirs.

They have the house, the cars, the holidays, and whenever you think of what they have, somehow your life looks a little shabby in comparison.

You don’t want anything bad to happen to them. Of course not. But you can’t help feeling a little bit pleased if, somehow, their fortunes fail.

As long as they’re healthy, you tell yourself. You know they aren’t going to be on the breadline; the worst that might happen is they sell some assets.

But if your friend keeps telling you about the millions he’s building in Crypto, you get a little thrill when the market takes a downturn.

You, my friend, are a buzzard on a gut cart.

Are you after a free ride?

You want a best-selling book

But you don’t want to take the time to write it.

A friend was working through an English degree as a mature student. Whenever anyone asked what she did, she would mention her part-time studies and talk about the books she was studying.

But her husband was put out. So much so that he tried to find a book with salient points from every classic novel that he could quote without reading the novels.

They’re not together anymore.

Do you want to pay for a qualification by answering a few questions online or take a free coaching course and then tell the world you’re a coach? Do you want the results without putting in the work?

The problem with this kind of free ride is that you might think you’re cheating, but you’re cheating yourself.

You’d never be able to talk about books in the same way as someone who has read the book, and you won’t be an effective coach without training.

Put in the hours, and you’ll be rewarded. A bit like the plumber called in by a submarine captain because the vessel wouldn’t start. The plumber looked at the pipes for a while and then took a wrench from his bag and banged one of the pipes.

The submarine shook and started up.

That’ll be £1000, the plumber said.

But you only tapped one pipe? Said the Captain.

The plumber nodded his head. Yes, he said, it’s only £1 for banging the pipe but £999 for knowing which pipe to hit.

If you want a free ride without doing the work, you, my friend, are a buzzard on a gut cart.

Are you impressed by famous friends?

Do you name-drop on any occasion if you have any remotely famous family or friends?

Do you feel that some of their fame has rubbed off on you? If your sister is an actress, do you use her name to try and impress people you meet?

Do you think that if you talk about your famous friend, people will want to be your friend?

The problem is that they won’t. At best, you’ll mildly irritate people, and at worst, you’ll end up a social pariah.

And if you meet someone who is impressed by your famous friend, chances are they are doing the same as you, and they want some of the gold dust to land on them, and they’re feeding on the scraps of second or third, hand fame.

You are both buzzards on a gut cart.

Are you addicted to drama?

Are you the first to call a friend when they’ve just discovered their partner is cheating? Or they’ve lost their job?

You might think that this shows what a kind and considerate person you are, and this might be the case.

But ask yourself if you’re drawn to the drama? To someone else’s misfortune?

Maybe someone else’s drama adds a bit of spice to your life?

Ask yourself, and answer truthfully, whether you show up because you want to help or to feed off the carcass of the dead relationship or job?

Does someone else’s failure make you feel better about your own life? Maybe you’re not happy with how you think about yourself, but the irony is that the more you gorge on the entrails, the worse you’ll feel.

How to stop being a buzzard

Being a buzzard might seem negative, mean-spirited and self-defeating, but this doesn’t have to be the case.

Look at the type of people you’re hanging around with. Do they tend to look on the darker side of life? If so, spend more time with a little more lighthearted people.

Think of yourself as a kind and considerate friend when someone suffers a downturn. Be a shoulder to cry on, and do your best to point them in the direction of hope and excitement about a new future.

Be grateful for what you have. If you look at what you have rather than what you haven’t got, you’ll feel better about your life, and this will help you not to rub your hands with glee when a friend is suffering.

Remind yourself that you’re worth more than scraps. What are you good at? What do you want more of? Be kind to yourself and when you find yourself thinking less than kind thoughts about people you know, catch the thought and let it go.

And then you can stop being a buzzard and become a phoenix rising from the ashes of the cart.