Life Lessons

Don’t Allow Your Worst Day at Work to Define Your Career

Get over it

“Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie?” -Marilyn Monroe

90,000 Hours

We spend thirty percent of our time at work — we will work 90,000 hours over our lifetime. Most of us want to perform our jobs well. We want to be liked by our colleagues and commute from home to work without drama. But, in those 90,000 hours, we are guaranteed to have a few workdays that are terrible.

One key to a successful career is to not let your bad days become your measure of success. Do not allow your bad days to define your responses to career pressures.

“1/3 of your life will be spent at work. That’s 90,000 hours over the course of a lifetime. The average American spends over 100 hours commuting. By the age of 30, most people will have had 7 or 8 jobs.” — How Much Time Do We Spend at Work

Human Resources is Not Your Friend

I had my first discussion with a woman, Felicia, referred to me because of her lack of success in finding another position after being fired. She was a mid-level project manager in a Fortune 500 company. Because her work was outstanding, her goal was to leverage her success to become a manager. She worked long hours with little work-life balance.

Felicia’s relationship with her co-workers and boss deteriorated because she believed there was favoritism within her department relative to project assignments and promotions. She carefully documented what she believed was unfair behavior and took her documentation to Human Resources (HR). She hoped Human Resources would assist her in her campaign for better assignments.

It was not Human Resource's job to help Felicia make the company look bad. HR’s job is to protect the company — HR is not your friend, no matter how friendly they behave toward you. They did nothing except leak that she came in about her boss. Her workplace went from bad to toxic overnight.

“A toxic work environment is one wherein dysfunction and drama reign, whether it’s the result of a narcissistic boss, vindictive co-workers, absence of order, et cetera. Basically, a hostile work environment “leaves you feeling like dirt,” says Robert Sutton, a Stanford University professor who studies organizational behavior and author of The A**hole Survival Guide.” — The hostile work environment checklist: How toxic is yours?

Fired

A few months later, Felicia was removed because she and the team no longer “clicked” i.e., no reason. It was a roach motel type of process. They called her in for a meeting in a conference room. Her boss, HR, and security were in the room. Her boss read a terse statement about her no longer fitting into the organization’s vision. He then stood up, saying nothing else, and left. HR and the security officials remained in the room.

They took her company phone. Felicia could not go back to her office. Security escorted her to her car after an assistant retrieved her purse. This is “the roach motel” dismissal process because people check into the conference room, but they never return to their office. A few days later, the rest of her personal times arrived at her apartment using a package delivery service. She rightfully felt humiliated about how they treated her after she worked there for four years.

It is not Human Resource’s job to help Felicia make the company look bad. HR’s job is to protect the company — HR is not your friend no matter how friendly they behave toward you. They did nothing except leak that she came in about her boss. Her workplace went from bad to toxic overnight.

To make it worse, the few people she believed were her allies in the company would not return her calls. It devastated her. The people who you work with are not necessarily your friends. The people you work with are co-workers, associates, and colleagues instead of friends.

Because Felicia lived in Texas, a right-to-work state, leadership can fire you because they don’t like your eye color. Her options were limited. The problem is no longer about the old position or the old boss or the old company. Her issue at hand is her future.

A Lack of Confidence

The concern is how deeply being fired has affected her personality and confidence. When we met on Zoom, she seemed confident and outgoing until we started discussing her prior company environment. Then the poise went to hell. When we practiced interview questions, no matter the question, the poor results from her dismissal escaped her soul and leaked into the conversation.

Felicia has excellent work experience, being well qualified for the positions she sought. She had two recruiters ghost her, and two interviewers gave her an immediate “No” at the end of the interview. I’m betting that employers are running away when all she can do is relate her unpleasant experiences as answers to their questions.

She sees her entire career through the filter of the awful day they terminated her. That day has seeped into her consciousness and taken over. She is grieving the loss of that position. Felicia was very bitter about the entire situation. That bitterness stops her from acquiring any of the positions she seeks. All she could see in her future was a day like the last and worst day of her former job. Her successes had no chance of being discussed if she focused on the failure.

Get Back Up

I have managed employees who never recovered from being laid off. They are capable, careful, dependable people, but they will never be leaders. These people have lost their boldness. They suffered from a paralyzing aversion to risk.

They’ve lost their ability to get up and get back in the game. We need those employees because everyone cannot be the boss. There must be followers. Being a follower is not a slight on those employees. All organizations require followers to function. Leadership is a tough role that many cannot shoulder.

After talking with Felicia, we started a plan to get her back on track. The first thing we did was get her to stop grieving: your previous position is dead and buried. Do not join it. She never allowed herself to move beyond the deep sadness and anger that accompanied her dismissal from her job. It was time to get over it.

Over the next few more discussions, we will have tough conversations about what went wrong and lessons learned. Then we will assemble a timeline to address the future. Finally, we’ll practice questions about her old company until her answers are sharp and professional.

Recover

By practicing answers, Felicia must prepare responses to the questions which come up during interviews. Every recruiter wants to understand why you are seeking the position. Letting go is hard work. Letting go of an involuntary visceral response is almost impossible. A person must guard themselves against having the same thing happening again, yet be open enough to lead a team and trust a new boss.

The horrific day at work will happen to almost everyone. Getting back up onto your feet while maintaining your goals and objectives is difficult. You cannot allow a single event in your 90,000-hour career to throw you off balance. Recovery is a priority. 90,000 hours is a long time to be miserable.

Be prepared. You might not get fired, but work is unpredictable. There will be bad days. If a company knocks you down, grieve, then get back up, and plan your comeback. Don’t allow their actions to keep you from your success.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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