Donald Trump: The Funniest President in American History
This isn’t about Politics
I was in Hanoi recently (not bragging, just saying, my life is more glamorous than yours), and I stumbled upon this shirt.
I bought it instantly.
I can’t take American politics seriously. It’s a bunch of suits and pantsuits riding on the backs of donkeys and elephants. That is to say: it’s hilarious. The emperor has no clothes everybody! You’re supposed to laugh.
Joe Biden does a shout out to a congresswoman who’s been dead for six months? Hilarious.
While old Amtrak Joe given me a few good guffaws, I find myself missing the funniest president the United States of America has ever had.
Sure, he still rambles and riles people up, but it’s just not the same when he’s not in office. He’s only truly funny when millions of people are taking him seriously, when he’s doing the thing everybody knows you are not supposed to do.
Now that we’re a few years removed (Tragedy + Time = Comedy), I thought why not do a retrospective of President Trump’s greatest rib-ticklers.
Remember when he shoved the prime minister of Montenegro out of the way for a picture? Everybody knows you don’t shove prime ministers, but if you do shove a prime minister, definitely fluff your coat afterwards.
Remember when he mocked his wife for plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speech? Honestly this was a brilliant comedic turnaround, better than the jokes in 90% of the stand-up specials that streamed on Netflix this year.
Remember when he touched the orb? People think there is a global cabal of Satan worshipping businessmen and Saudi oil barrens who get together in secret meetings to decide the fate of the world. You’re the president of the most powerful country on earth. What do you do? Lean in.
Remember when he threw paper towels to Puerto Ricans who had just been made homeless by one of the most devastating hurricanes to hit the island in recent memory? Problem solved.
Remember on Thanksgiving in 2018 when he gathered together members of the Coast Guard to tell them the thing he was most thankful for this year was the tremendous impact he was having on the country? Think about it: some staffer organized this whole event with the obvious premise that Trump would say he was thankful for the hardworking men and women in the coast guard, and instead he thanks himself. It’s like they hit the home run for him but instead of running Trump just eats first base.
Remember when he served McDonald’s and Wendy’s to the Clemson Tigers? When you win the National College Football championship and you get invited to the Whitehouse, you expect them to ask you something like: Chicken or Fish? Not: Big Mac or a Baconator? By the way, the answer is Baconator.
Remember when he told a crowd that the best way to get China’s attention was say ‘Listen you mother******s’? Actually, you might not remember this one, it wasn’t as popular, and it was pre-presidency, but please please please let more candidates start calling their opponents mother******s.
Remember when he asked a child who called the Whitehouse hoping to get a report on Santa’s whereabouts from the president if she still believed in Santa?
“Hello, is this Collman?” the president said. “Merry Christmas. How are you? How old are you? … Are you doing well in school? Are you still a believer in Santa? ’Cause at 7 it’s marginal, right?”
If you’ve read this far, I think it’s safe to say: we all miss him.
Enjoyed yourself? Hate my guts? Either way, read this Stupid: