Politics | Roleplaying Games
Trump is a Second-Rate Monster (explained with a fantasy RPG)
The Drumpf is a Trump-inspired monster for Mazes: Fantasy Roleplaying Reforged
Former Grifter-in-Chief Donald Trump will be the keynote speaker at 2023’s CPAC, the annual hate-and-greed-fest for American Nazis.
Trump is a monster, so here’s a Trump-inspired monster for Mazes, which is like Dungeons & Dragons but better in every way imaginable.
The Drumpf
Insubstantial, Marquee, Named, Retainers, Summoner, Wealth
3💀 8♥️
The Drumpf was a noble who was cursed to be forever immaterial. This curse happened so long ago it doesn’t remember how long or who it was before, and it doesn’t care. It does not age but it is not immortal. It’s lack of a material body makes it crave material possessions. Land. Gold. People. And no matter how much it has, it will always want more.
This ghost-like monster sits at the heart of a web of conned, hired, bribed, and threatened lackeys and cultists. The Drumpf’s kingdom grows and shrinks and changes shape as it conquers new lands, uses up its resources and people, then eventually loses those lands to rebellion.
Along with its ever-present guards and servants, the Drumpf always commands at least a few Back Alley Brutes, Duelists, Pyromancers, and Xenophobic Bastards, even though it secretly despises them all. Treason Vines take root and grow quickly wherever the Drumpf takes up residence.
The Drumpf rarely deals with non-humans or the undead. It is surprisingly ignorant of the world and fears any creature or magic it doesn’t understand, which is a lot.
Donald Trump is the most Insubstantial man on the planet. He believes in nothing. He produces nothing. He is actively shallow. He doesn’t just lack depth. He avoids depth at all cost. It only makes sense to make this monster untouchable.
Of course he’s the Marquee threat, the star of the show. Encountering this monster makes the Darkness level plummet. Obviously he’s also a Named threat because everything HAS to be all about him.
The Retainers are his only actual means of attack. He’s useless without lackeys. The Summoner edge reinforces that idea. He’s a boss. Not even a leader or manager. Just a boss.
The Wealth edge doesn’t do much for a threat mechanically, but it had to be explicitly listed. No money means no lackeys and no power.
But if you look at the Drumpf’s stats, you’ll see it’s not THAT dangerous. It’s power lies in its lackeys, most of which are only loyal as long as they are paid. Only the Xenophobic Bastards give their loyalty for free, because they’re fucking stupid.
Donald Trump is a conman. Nothing more. He’s not even a competent dictator because he’s too busy filling his own pockets to do it right.