Dominant Species of 2020 — The Data Scientist
A comparitive study of sub-species
The world in 2020 is Dominated by a single kind of Homo Sapiens — The Data Scientist. This species has mercilessly resolved to put most other species out of job with a wishy-washy promise of creating jobs for higher human intellect and to end manual labor once and for all. This piece explores the two major types of Data Scientists that today rule the world.
The major species Data-Scientists comes in two sub-species
The natural habitat of the first is in high-glassy office buildings with ever-green vegetation of NVIDIA processors, strong clusters and unmistakable merchandise featuring proud inuendoes to their job on their various belongings.
Sample Merch Observation 1 found on cars : “My other car drives itself. Does yours?”
Sample Merch Observation 2 found on T-shirts : “Think big, Learn deep, Train fast”
Sample Merch Observation 3 found on Desk : “Totally unsupervised”
They feed mostly on major publications by Geoffrey Hinton and are found to immigrate in large numbers to California, Montreal and may be Tel-Aviv.
The second, more commonly found species sits probably on the lower floors of the same building or other such enclosures throughout the country.
This sub-species tend to attend multiple non-data-related meetings in the day, having to clean-up and dust-off the data they scrape-off the meetings, sometimes also found to live in cooperation with the aforementioned first subspecies.
Most of their day involves figuring out the head and tail of unstructured abomination that is spit out of logging monsters of all kinds — sensors, pre-war Computer systems, logs generated at the will and fancy of a teenage start-up programmer, and the like. They usually do not have the privilage of merchandise.
This species is increasingly being dominated by the invasion of outside professions that encroach on their Data-Science Territory to consume and produce a vast amount of excel-residue.
Species 1 and 2 — A Comparitive Study
Mental existance in time-space
Species 1 dominates the sphere of living in tomorrow. Somethings that they conjure up might seem utterly ridiculous to people with less than a million dollars in their bank accounts.
Some examples of what Species 1 might say in all seriousness :
“I am working on a shoe that can also be your best friend. If you charge it for 2 hours everyday the laces might hold for upto 8 hours!”
“What do you think about this LED screen that can be embedded into your wrist just under your skin to show you your favourite Commercials every 10 minutes?”
Species 2 lives mostly between yesterday and today. They might still be solving the problems of yesterday because apparently, we know the way to Mars but haven’t figured out how to count distinct occurances of an strange element in excel in under 3 minutes. (A tip to Data-god here while creating species like this : How about we tackle one part of evolution completely before we move on to another, huh? Lets solve excel once and for all and for everyone before we build another rocket)
Some examples of what Species 2 might want to say but is unsure of:
But Boss! this is not enough data to draw a conclusion from. That would be stupid.
Damn! Excel cannot handle this much data. Please re-run the query for a smaller output.
Sh**t, ill try turning it off and on again.
What the Future holds
Both species seem to believe that their profession is the ultimate solution to the worlds data problems and the most noble of them all. Since this kind of egotism has proved fatal in the past to professions such as typists and DVD-rentals and world dominance is but a fleeting moment of blind-joy, the world remains enthusiastic to see the species that will evolve to wipe-out the era of the Data Scientist. Until then, it remains a fact that the earth is dominated by both Species 1 and 2 of Data Scientists atleast until the climate-change meteor hits.