Dogs Are Angels Wrapped in Fur
The 💔 of losing your best friend
I knew he was on loan. I signed up anyway.
There are many joys that a person can experience throughout their lifetime. Some of my best ones have been in the company of my furbabies. I've always had a dog and am a better person because of it. I grew up with a St. Bernard, and she set the stage for true love.
There is something so special about being in the presence of a steadfast companion. I didn't know how all-encompassing that bond was until recently, when our last dog's physical presence disappeared. My sweet Clarence reached the end of his days with us. He was 16. We lost his companion, Curtis, almost five years ago, who was the same age. In the fragility of these days, my kids said they were happy that at least our dogs would be cuddling together again. And I hold that image in my mind.
The hope is that when your dog is ready, they'll pass away in their sleep. Sadly, this isn't often the case. If you've been through this, you understand the agony of deciding when to say goodbye. It's never the right time because it was so short. You don't want to let them go, but you want to make the best decision for them. You are their voice. And so I listened and listened. I waited until I heard something that would tell me it was time. He used a wheelchair (and loved it!) for about the last eight months and was on several medications, so he was comfortable. As the days pressed on, though, his body began to tire. I didn't know if I'd recognize what I needed to feel or hear. But then I did, and it was clear.
It was a wintry day when the time had come. The tall pines that lined the highway were covered with frosty snow and felt majestic in the filtering sunlight. They seemed to be helping us gently usher him to Heaven. The town is a 1 and 3/4 hour drive one way for us. I held Clarence close to me the whole time so he could feel my heartbeat. By this point, he already had two paws in the clouds. I won't describe the goodbyes because it was excruciating. My kids had been with him their entire lives. Clarence was there when I was a bachelorette, married, became a mom, and watched the kids grow.
I took some pictures of the changing sky on the drive home. It was snowing off and on. We decided to stop at the rim of a large canyon near our house. Some might even call it grand. After a while, my family returned to the car. They were very understanding and patient, letting me continue wandering outside. I was searching — for something, anything. It was snowing and freezing now, but in these moments, the view was one of the most beautiful images I'd ever seen. Like my heart, the clouds hung heavy, unable to stay afloat. They dipped low, trying to soothe the deep caverns inside. But far off beyond the darkness, a brilliant golden light was pushing its way through. It swept the edges of the darkness away. There you are, Clarence! I knew you hadn't gone far. The name Clarence means bright, light, shining, gentle. He is. (I snapped some pictures of what I saw that day. I’ll share one in my next post.)
The days since have been lonely and quiet, and the house feels different. I've yet to put his things away. Besides being an unconditional best friend, he was my writing companion, too, resting near me while I had written the entirety of a book. I must remind myself that he is still near, but I miss seeing and holding him.
When God(doG) swished their big, golden paw around in the giant cloud-shaped bowl and pulled out the ticket with his name on it, I celebrated and chose to ignore the fine print — Warning: this loan binds you to give the totality of your heart for a very brief time (but also forever). And, you agree to have said heart ripped out when it's decided they must return home.
Even though it hurts terribly, I'm so grateful that we got to share some life, however short. After all, he was already an angel, just wrapped in fur. Cherish animals because they are far greater than our understanding, and humanity could learn a few things from them. I know I have.
10 Things I've Learned From Dogs
- Drop everything for a cuddle
- Eat treats. Lots of them
- Play til you puke
- Mud is our friend
- Sample everything
- Home is where the heart is
- Give in to pause 🐾
- It's never too late or too early to listen to your heart
- Right now is always worth it
- Life is lovely through the eyes of love
Dear Clarence, thank you for loving us and bringing so much light to our lives. Love forever, your family.
