Underground Celebrity Gossip
Dog Fed Up With Autograph Requests: “I’m not Richard Gere!”
Breaking News in Hollywood
— Beverly Hills, CA
“You people think I can just drive a Lotus down Hollywood Boulevard without opposable thumbs and with these stubby legs?” #SMDS(noot)
That’s the first question Sir Edward T. Snipps of Los Angeles asked — a one-and-a-half foot-long, close-shaven Sheltie with Richard Gere’s snoot structure and an air of, well…?
Gere-ness.
Choosing to go by “Eddie,” he agreed to an exclusive interview, but only if we held it in the penthouse suite at the Beverly Wilshire.
Unable to deny (much less resist) his sultriness, we obliged.
Once Eddie chomped down his complimentary strawberries and slurped back a few bowls of Dom, he pulled on a silk robe and called room service for a second set of slippers.
He then demanded an “obscene amount of money” or we could forget about this interview happening.
Look at those eyes. How could we say “no?”
Eddie promised what he was about to share would be so good, that even he almost peed his pants just thinking about it — that’s if he were wearing pants (or the Pirates of Penzance… or whatever he was barking about).
“The second I peed on that hydrant at the East end of Rodeo Drive,” Eddie said, “I knew I was in for it.
Again.
Hell, before I could even lower my leg, much less sanitize my paws (it’s LA, folks!), they had arrived.”
Long-lens cameras and autograph pens? Centimeters from my snoot.
And as for the red carpet?
Rolled out under my paws faster than I could even think about planning date night later with my go-to ginger retriever from the sketch-side of Santa Monica Boulevard.
When our team asked about all of the similarities with Richard Gere, Eddie growled before reminding us that he also had “a lot of special gifts” we didn’t know about.
Or did we…?
Before we knew it, he led us to the piano adjacent to the hot tub and began playing, maestro-style.
When he finished the first set, his eyes intensified, and he smiled. Pleased he could pull that off without opposable thumbs, no doubt.
“Look,” Eddie said, “just because my name is Edward, and that happens to be HIS name in that Pretty Woman movie, doesn’t mean I’m him.”
That’s when the interview ended. Well, our plan for the interview, anyway…
After ordering another bottle of champagne and a dozen of those “slippery little suckers” to go with it (and billing it to our corporate account), Eddie seemed to experience an existential moment.
“Hey…?” Eddie asked. “Wait! I’m not Richard Gere… BUT, what if maybe, maybe… Richard Gere is ME??!”
*Crickets*
Our team looked at one another and then back at Eddie again (now known to us as Gere A), before we all scrolled Google and Duck, Duck Go for a more recent photograph of Gere B.
That’s when our interns scurried off, eager to reach Gere B’s people for a statement (or maybe a sanity check…).
To end the session, Eddie curled up on the bed, and dismissed us from his suite with, “Just as my favorite ginger once told me, ‘In case I forget to tell you later, I had a good time tonight…”
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Check out this other famous dog who has “the Karen sense.”
Or, more of a cat person? Here’s a piece on a cat who outs her owner as a fraud to the publishing world.
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