Does Silence Scare You?
Maybe you’re scared of listening to yourself?
Maybe yourself is saying “help me.”
Over the past several months, I have noticed a drastic difference in my level of happiness. One small thing I’ve noticed is that I all of a sudden have immense patience when things are still and quiet. I don’t mind these times at all… better yet I am seeking them out.
I used to not be like this. Throughout the day, I had a subconscious tendency to always ensure my ears where being filled with something. Queue the instrumentals when I read, give me music or podcast when in transit, turn on the audiobook during the run… Silence was one thing I was constantly starved of. And to be honest, I have now noticed so many loved peers and colleagues who cannot deal with the silence. It is literally painful, as it once was for me.
This encouraged me to reflect on why and how things changed. Also what in fact is the source of fear in those moments of silence.
Let’s Start With How It Felt
If I look at my life even just a year ago, I can recall the times where I resorted to my phone standing in line (even with nothing particular to look at). I resorted to AirPods walking down the street (likely to avoid conversation). I resorted to automating my Alexa to play background music anytime I walked in my apartment, hell even when I was asleep. My shower time and cooking time were paired with my favorite author’s voice.
My hypothesis is that I was simply too afraid to sit alone with myself. I may even venture to say I was scared of what I myself had to say. Internal motivation is something I feel comfortable defining myself by, but for a few years I was terrified and skeptical of that voice pushing me, thus I tuned it out.
Meditation, prayer, and journalling (amongst many other things) are so healthy for this generation because of what I believe I am describing above. It is paramount for humans to learn to listen to themselves. From my experience and observation I truly believe that this is the main catalyst for joy in one’s life. When you are able to listen to your individual full thoughts and start to see what is actually going on in your brain, you give yourself the ability to have grace and love for yourself.
My brain tells me some crazy stuff sometimes… but those are opportunities to improve. When it tells me things produce nervousness, those are likely good ideas to pursue. All of these thoughts are okay to have and shouldn’t be run away from. In fact, a challenge that we can’t particularly forecast success in, is literally what we are built for because those are what make us better (not to mention those around us).
What Changed
Listen to me when I say this: the people in your life are the most important thing in your life. If they aren’t you are misbalanced. Plain and simple, if we deduce down all values, they somehow come back to relationships with other people. My biggest change in life was moving back near family. Plus, I also moved 10 hours closer (now just a short 2 hour commute) to a city where over 50% of my closest friends live.
Environment in this context meant that I was inevitably surrounded by those who chose to see the best in me and call it out. I am now placed by people who remind me I am valuable when I may not feel so. This certainly helped me believe it for myself.
But a specific circumstance sticks out:
My cousin and I had a deal we had sourced on the table with a short timeline (2 days to be exact). This was and is the biggest deal I’ve ever bid on. It was our first deal together, and my specific role was to develop the pitch, strategy, and operation behind taking on this client. As you could expect, anxiety set in as I forecasted 60 hours of work with only 48 hours to produce.
As we drove home from that meeting, excited about the prospect, he could sense my anxiety immediately.
He said:
“Do you think you can do it?”
I said:
“I’m not sure.”
He said:
“Shoot from the hip. Trust your gut. We are going to give our best effort, fail or succeed. I believe you can do it, you are better than you realize.”
Now
This conversation changed my life. Conversations like this can quickly change your internal personal narrative. You can go from a wilted Hunchback of Notre Dame to a broad-chested ape in an instant. But in order for it to stick you must start to speak these words into yourself. You have to start listening to yourself in order to hear what you need, and then responding with affirmation, strategic optimism, and then discipline towards improvement.
Let me repeat for those who skim:
In order to regain your confidence (the antidote to running from silence), you must:
The 4S’s to Get You Pursuing Silence
- Set aside time to think daily… aka start listening to yourself
- Subscribe to consistent self-affirmation
- Strategically apply optimism when there is evidence of potential -> This produces work ethic and hope
- Self-discipline to step closer towards whatever your hope is in
Silence is easy to avoid now-a-days. But in fact, the absence of external sound simply amplifies internal noise. In a lot of ways, that noise is more important to attend to then external noise. Without order, there is chaos. With chaos inside, chaos becomes evident in your actions. With that you are likely to begin acting in a way that confuses or forces regret on you. Our brains are so powerful; but when neglected and out of order our literal ability to have confidence is impossible because we are unable to explain anything from what we care about to the reasoning behind any action we take.
Silence is the ultimate catalyst for individual thought production, creativity, and self-understanding. I’m now scared of not having my moments of silence.
-JW