STRUGGLES

Does Protecting Your Sanity Sound Attractive to You?

If so, then educate yourself around narcissism!

Some people tend to internally ridicule my vision, and my enthusiastic talks about re-writing the invasive subconscious program — too optimistic in their sense.

Knowing how exponentially the number of people who suffer from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is increasing, I don’t only get it but also sympathize.

What is the main trait involved in such a reaction? The Grandiosity illusion the different types of narcissists share. Their self-talk would be something like this:

Whom do you think you are to dare pretend to be on a mission bigger than your small self, and to wish contributing to making this world a better place in which to live? It’s time to wake up from your silly dream!

There are several types. Many clinical psychologists agree on number seven. The most dangerous kind is a malignant narcissist. This one is a predator, very intentional in hunting their victims and causing harm.

They feed on people’s suffering. They don’t feel remorse. They are empty, and their main concern when they wake up is who they are going to exploit.

For all the other six types, they don’t intentionally seek to harm. All that they crave is to nurture their false sense of self, and don’t care if this means hurting others within the process.

The mistake to avoid, no matter the cost, is to call them out specifically if they belong to the covert and communal types. Those spend their whole life building a virtuous image and collecting flying monkeys.

Those are the people believing their delusional narrative, who would have such a hard time believing their adored people are evil, and who would wholeheartedly defend them.

In addition to the Grandiosity attribute, all narcissists are sharing a second pattern: Responsibility-avoidance.

Narcissists would talk for hours in the most eloquent possible way to reverse the situation, gaslight you, manipulate you — and they are brilliant in doing so — but would also have no problem insulting you and calling you nasty names.

They wouldn’t care about how you would feel. How come? Because they lack Empathy.

Narcissists have diminished empathy. They are not absent from it. They have the capacity for empathy. But, even armed with that, they choose not to use that empathy ~ Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

Take a person like me:

• Who was a miserable perfectionist almost her whole life,
• Who had an existential crisis,
• Who gave up on a fancy IT project manager position and a big paycheck,
• Who was noticed by a malignant narcissist while she was lost and devastated,
• Who was so psychologically abused that she was about to commit suicide and, fortunately, saved at the last moment by the grace of her pure love divinity through an out-of-body experience. I am grateful to that demon by the way. That trauma was exactly what I needed to wake up,
• Who stopped trying to prove anything to anybody,
• Who decided to heal her obvious scars, so that she could acquire some strength which — combined with the highest level of bravery — helped her commit to re-writing her program, and stay long enough with the accompanying pain,
• Who was financially supported by her family at the age of 33 during the transformational adventure and while trying something new — which has nothing to do with her engineering degree,
• Who is so comfortable talking about her failures which have been leading to her greatest success: who I am as a person today — a concept narcissists will never be able to understand. Why not? They are too superficial. You only need to observe their language.

If you are an empathetic individual who has been suffering from low self-esteem like I was and who has reached a point of no return, don’t be surprised by being perceived as a loser by narcissists.

By definition, you will always need to be a loser, so that they could be winners!

Don’t get intimidated by their techniques. All that they are looking for is to make you feel uncomfortable and worthless. Don’t fall into their trap. You would only provide them with a narcissistic supply to nurture their fragile ego.

Let’s suppose you are a person of integrity. I should probably start by defining it:

Integrity is close to honesty, but it goes beyond it. If we are honest, we conform our words to reality. We tell the truth. We don’t lie. If we are a person of integrity, we rather conform reality to our words.

For instance, if I say I don’t like gossiping and that I don’t miss any opportunity to engage in such conversations — even when I am not the initiator — then I am anything but a person of integrity. I am showing duplicity.

If a narcissist tries to start a gossip game and that you stop them, they will hate it and mock your integrity in a very subtle and sarcastic way — sometimes even having the shape of a compliment.

There are mainly two reasons legitimizing their behavior:

• Even if many of them might promote being deep thinkers and ethical individuals, the reality is that they lack morality and are only using it to validate the belief that they are better than the rest of humanity.
• Again, the Grandiosity illusion, as well as their Entitlement means that they would expect you to always agree with what they are saying, no matter the atrocity of their words.

More to the point, they would mock your integrity, simply because they didn’t get their Narcissistic Supply. Don’t let those tormented souls make you doubt yourself. Persist!

Very empathetic people can feel things. Their intuition will always warn them when something is wrong. I know it as my gut tried to warn me about my perpetrator who almost killed me.

Nevertheless, my self-doubt and low self-esteem, at the time, contributed to shutting that inner-voice down.

Was there another factor playing a role in blinding me? Absolutely. Narcissists are very charming and charismatic individuals. Interestingly, they have such an outstanding ability to manipulate people and making them question their reality. It is called Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes, including low self-esteem. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to belittling the victim’s emotions and feelings, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

The term originated from the British play Gas Light (1938), performed as Angel Street in the United States, and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations (both titled Gaslight). The term has now been used in clinical psychological literature,[1][2] as well as in political commentary and philosophy

Last thoughts

Narcissists are masters in mixing between sweetness and cruelty, leaving us confused and trapped. That’s why I am wholeheartedly asking you to educate yourself.

Until you can fully reconnect with your purest gut — there will be no filter when reaching that place, and you see things for what they are without any doubt — it is crucial to get knowledgeable.

Why is that relevant at all? Because anyone in your close circle could be a narcissist. It could be your parent, your spouse, your sibling, your co-worker, your supervisor — you name it!

Being psychologically abused daily is an experience no one should be enduring and tolerating. I am aware many of you lost jobs during those pandemic times. I know you might be feeling a bit anxious about the future.

I want to reassure you that if you have emotionally healthy people — family or friends in your close circle, your situation is ten times more bearable than victims of narcissistic abuse.

Those would lose their jobs and their sanity; thus, impacting all areas in their lives. Worst case scenario, leading to committing suicide.

If you have any doubt, please reach out for help! Be aware that you are a seed of greatness only numbed by the life-time conditioning, and waiting for you to clear the dust.

Know that you are not alone, that you do matter and have your place in this world!

If you enjoyed your read and that you can get excited about the idea, we can become email friends here! Also, if you find value in my creations and are willing to support me, you can become a patron here: Myriam Ben Salem is creating Blogs | Patreon

Disclaimer

If you believe you or another individual is suffering from mental issues, seek professional help immediately.