Does not matter how much you are willing to pay — you won’t buy happiness.
You see this title and think — nothing new… Somehow I feel the same. Yet, seeing how many of us chase what is called “success” in life, I think it’s not that obvious.
Couldn’t think of a better quote that will summarize this topic in one sentence.
“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” ― Jim Carrey
If I had a magic wand I would make a mandatory class in every primary school around the world to teach this plus the importance of empathy. I don’t have one, but some wise people already asked and investigated the same question.
If it’s not about money, power, or fame then what it’s?
Harvard Study of Adult Development provided the answer¹. To make a long story short. Hundreds of men from Harvard University and some “less” predisposed to “success” men from the Boston working class have been interviewed and life has been tracked.
Unfortunately, scientists at the beginning of the experiment did not consider women candidates for the research.
It was detailed research that tracked participant’ personal and professional development, medical conditions, and subjective impressions of their life satisfaction. Including their close ones' opinions as well. Thousand data sources and cases were considered.
For everyone interested, I will paste in quotation link to the TED talk where Dr. Robert Waldinger explained it in a very interesting way².
Going back to the topic of the article and conclusions from the research.
It’s the quality of relationships that makes people happy. Not their salary, not their fancy titles, not their possessions, not fame neither power. Connections with others turn out to be the main source of happiness.
To add more clarity what does that mean? Once I found on Linkedin (ironically it was a very popular post there):
Nobody will remember: - Your salary - Your fancy title - How ‘busy’ you were - How stressed you were - How many hours you worked
People will remember: - The time you spent with them - How you made them feel - If you kept your promises - If you were there for them - Your character and integrity
Our time here is limited. And believe dear reader, nothing in life is granted. Your plans and dreams, but also your stresses and dedication to some aspect of life might stop meaning anything in a second.
It’s not to share pessimism here. It is just to make the perspective clear.
Often we are so absorbed by chasing, being in this sort of rat race. Wanting more, wanting now, wanting to be the one who succeeds in life. We desire respect and triumph. We want to be “better” than others around us.
If I can ask you for something please appreciate what you already have. Stop for a moment. Spend time with loved ones. Apologize to those you behave unfairly to. Forgive those who hurt you.
Stop living the past. Don’t become obsessed with plans and expectations. Stay optimistic but also realistic.
It might be easy to say and hard to do. I know it. However, what is the point of living unconsciously? Blindly following trends and norms cause we do not want to question them.
Life won’t wait. I know how banal that sounds but that is the most basic truth in the world. You might struggle due to thousands of reasons and circumstances you have no impact on.
Nevertheless, our ultimate power is to choose how we want to stand it. What sort of approach do you choose in life? How you respond to what is happening to you. How are we making an impact and how we are defining meaning?
“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” ― Viktor E. Frankl
Knowing that it’s the quality of our relationships. Not only the intimate ones. Maybe it’s worth it to focus a bit more on this aspect. Show goodwill and compassion. Listen to people and help those who we can. Don’t judge and don’t advise if not being asked for.
Wouldn’t you like at the end of your life with satisfaction smile and say that you lived a good life? You did something good for others…
Conclusion:
I believe it’s worth learning from others. Do not repeat mistakes done previously by someone. How many “famous” celebrities died lonely escaping into drugs, alcohol, and other distractions?
I hope you don’t waste life chasing illusional happiness, say more times “I love you” if you are lucky enough to have someone you can say those words to.
If not, it’s okay. We can live our lives with integrity. Treating others with respect and goodness. Leaving ‘heart’ and ‘mind’ open for new.
Some people won’t stay in our lives — it could be very painful to realize. On the other hand, it could be the reason to appreciate more those we still can share life with. In the end, those connections and quality of them will most likely make us satisfied with the impression of our journey.
Thank you for reading.
